LS-PERFECTO! You deserve it & you are sooo worth it!

Gotta luv R/Relaxation.

Time to soak & float your cares away.

Did ya check out the shoes???

Here's more to toe wigglin. It's allowed.

Don't forget the kids washable markers. U can write anyyy thinnng you want. Shower walls & water won't tell. Neither will Rubber Duckies.

Gotta toss a few of those things in.

Catgirl, and LilSis,

To respond to the question

"Does he still believe in God?"

Someone once said to me that she no longer believed in God.

I told her, "That's okay. Because God still believes in you."

Sometimes people say stupid things like this, because they find it easier to self-indulge than to follow God's laws. Later on, they are sorry for their sins.


Sis,
I figured you for an English major. For some insight into your WH's feelings when he's alone, you really should read Hemingway's "Clean, Well-lighted Place". About 2 pages long. Worth the read, because I think you will see what he thinks when he puts his head on the pillow at night.

And he can deny all he wants. The conflict is there. I agree with the clown analogy.

SB:
I am sure that WH still believes in God, and somehow in his crack-addled mind he MUST be finding a way to square this with Him; i.e.; "You brought us together, it must be fate, it must be what you intended because the feelings are so very, very strong between us."

Ewww.

There's no way this Calvinist boy living in this town filled with Calvinists could ever NOT believe in God. Religion is inculcated in every aspect of life for kids who grow up in Christian Reformed families. Remember how he told me once that I wasn't "in the club"? Ouch.

On the other hand, I grew up in a pretty secular family (my mom ruled the roost and she had given up on the Church, but my dad was Irish Catholic through and through; my aunt's a nun).

I've said it before: I am certain that his confidence in his "goodness" contributed greatly to his fall from grace.

Denial allows him to STILL believe in his "goodness." Thus keeping his "word" to RT, being "honest," etc. Pretty selective "goodness" if you ask me.

*****

I immediately looked up "A Clean, Well-lighted Place" and printed it out. You can just hear Hemingway's voice in that one, can't you?

The English minor in me was drawn to his description of the setting, particularly the cafe.

Clean, orderly, bright, attractive, a place where the older waiter wants to stay. That describes our kitchen to a tee...the place where we spend probably 80% of our time. We added it on to our house about ten years ago, so we designed it to be everything we wanted. WH loved it. It's big, well-laid out, open, has a little flip down TV, a nook for the computer...totally multi-functional. It has huge windows with easterly and southerly exposure...the sun POURS in during the day, and it's bright even on a gloomy day. And when it's dark, we put in tons of lighting so it is always bright. Just the the older waiter, every night I tidy it up, making sure everything is put away...orderly.

By contrast, ILs house is very chopped up with small rooms with the windows all covered with curtains. It's drafty. (It was built in the 30s, so...) Lots of kitsch-y stuff on every surface.

Bright, open, light, orderly....
Dark, compartmentalized, cluttered...

Make me want to write a paper.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have you moved out any of WH's personal effects that he left behind?

Don't rush to do this yet if YOU are not ready, but, when you want another Plan B chore and feel up to it, that's another Plan B tactic .... clear him out of your way physically.

There really aren't too many of his personal effects around. As a matter of fact, much of the furniture in our house was mine, or given to us by my parents. He brought nothing to the home, and he wasn't much into personal touches. He did take his autographed football (what a loss). There is one picture of him on the wall, but he was a toddler, so it's pretty inoffensive.

I did get new slipcovers for my Ikea sofas...I was afraid I'd get cooties because I know they did is SOMEWHERE in the house...

...at least once (that I know of) while our children were asleep in the house.

Get me an antiemetic, Pep, STAT!

wow....i have to admit, that info surprises me.
it sounds like it was never really HIS home in some ways.
I didn't have this picture.....changes a few things for me.
i'll get back to you on that.

morning!

What about his clothes?
His momentos?
His tools?
His books?
Did H have a "man room"?

Pep

Sis -

I just wanted to jump in for a second to tell you to have a GREAT time in Chicago!

Let your hair down, enjoy the moment! Leave all of this stuff at home and enjoy!

You deserve this break, make the most of it!

Here are a few little Irish sayings to start you on your way,,


[color:"green"] Dance as if no one were watching,
Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts
And if he can't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping!

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How in the ****** can he drink when he's dead?

May the best day of your past
Be the worst day of your future.

[/color]

OMG, and why is it you can't sell the house???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Well...maybe I gave the wrong impression. He loved this house, was very proud of it...he even said so after he left...and in Plan A I would see him looking around longingly.

He just didn't have any "stuff" that he BROUGHT with him to the house when we married. He had always lived with other guys and it was sort of the plywood and cinder block bookshelves kind of thing. I had my own apartment, fully furnished, and parents who were looking to unload some of their accumulated belongings, so most of our larger, heirloom pieces came from my side.

Most of his "stuff" was in the bedroom, and I have gotten rid of it.

There are many pictures (I have this whole arrangement on a wall) of his family...mom and dad's wedding, his grandparents on both sides, parents as kids, etc.) But I consider those as much a part of the boys history as WH's, and won't take them down. They are not his "personal effects."

For the most part, the details of decorating were up to me...we pretty much had the same taste (with the exeption of the autographed football); simple, clean. We would shop together for antiques, and for big things like furniture, choosing paint, etc....

He did the WORK...refinishing the wood floors, re-painting, stripping wallpaper. So I would say he was very invested in this house (and the yard, too!), just didn't accumulate stuff that sits around. There's a basement full of camping and boating gear, and a garage filled with tools, but I don't really SEE it.

Clothes: Gone
Momentos: Gone (or stashed in the basement out of sight)
Tools: Unfortunately, most gone, but not all...I need them! and in the basement, out of sight.
Books: Boxed up
Man room: Nope.

Bugs,

Gotta love those Irish Toasts.

Still

a suggestion

put all photos with WH in them in the boys' rooms ... or up in their play room

that makes a statement to the boys that their Dad belongs to them, even when he is physically missing (what a jerk he's being)

So selling it will INCREASE his SUFFERING..make him suffer the consequences of his actions...

ICK..it's just me..for me the house would be forever TAINTED with RAT TURDS...

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high.
You'll get through all the unhappiness & lies.

I know...I don't go there. It makes me ill, so I choose not to think about it.

However, I sort of feel like it's me staking my claim...they WILL NOT drive me from my HOME! H and I put blood, sweat and tears into rehabbing this house (built in 1912); my dad and H refinished all the floors downstairs; we removed layers of wallpaper. If I left, WH/RT would win...WH has said that if I leave, he wants the house. This is MY home (and was H's)...WH will live here over my dead body. Does that make any sense?

BESIDES: I can't sell anything now...the D's in play!!!! This is NOT an OPTION, right now.

Make some changes.
It will change the "ownership" of the house.

I agree with selling -- it sends a huge message to the WS.
I am sure he is comforting himself with the thought that he has cared for and provided for his family by keeping them in the house. Selling it uproots his comfort. He can no longer have that in his justification toolbox. (I think that is why Mimi's husband wanted a "say" in her move!)

Or redecorate -- paint a room a bold new color. Get a new comforter and bedding for your room.

Change the landscaping if the "outside" was his domain. Especially if you can call in some help from friends! Then he gets the added discomfort of his FRIENDS having to pick up his slack.

Everybody's different. For the same reasons you want to stay in your house, I wanted to leave mine and did.

It was a house that we OBSESSIVELY DESIGNED down to the paint color and/or wallpaper design of each room...

We had a separation agreement at the time that I put the house up for sale and I almost insisted during PLAN B for my H to SIGN AN AGREEMENT at MY REALTOR'S TO PUT OUR HOUSE UP FOR SALE..He did his best to STALL THIS..NOT AGREEING TO SIGN..but I would not let up..encouraging her to continue to CALL HIM...

I decided that the man HE WAS..WAS DEAD AND GONE..and WOULD NEVER LIVE THERE AGAIN..the house held too many memories for me and I couldn't bear to live there anymore...

I know I wouldn't live there if the OW had been in there..ICK..I THREW AWAY EVERYTHING OF HIS THAT I THOUGHT SHE HAD EVER SEEN OR TOUCHED...

Plus, what was different in my situation, my H had his "LOVE NEST..CONDO" which HE PURCHASED after getting the SEPARATION AGREEMENT..he really couldn't LEGALLY PURCHASE it until then....

He had a NEW PLACE and I wanted a NEW PLACE, TOO...

BTW --
I hope you have a GREAT weekend in Chicago!!!

When are you leaving?

I treasure my girl-weekends, so many really great memories!

Wow that's tough. If this thing turns around and your WH finally comes home, that'd be one of the first questions I had for him... which room? Then I'd make sure that you and he "reclaimed" it as your own again to run out any scary-looking RT ghosts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I felt the same way about my husband's Trooper... knowing SHE'd been it. So I can't say I was too terribly upset when he wrecked it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />