I did have fun!

Just read Sadmom's thread. She has a lot of similar feelings. It's good to know I'm not the only one...

Day 15 Plan B. I have been totally, totally dark; abolutely zero contact, not even visual. (so it's been easy to do this since he's been gone for a week) I still have a few days of peace while WH is gone...he is supposed to be back on Friday; he has to work Saturday and Sunday. He'll have the boys next Tuesday...which will be three weeks since he saw them last.

He did call them once...I think Thursday? I saw private caller on Caller ID and had DS11 answer. They spoke for probably three minutes...at least he talked to both boys this time.

good morning.
i am glad you had a good time!!

i can't believe it is day 15 already.

((( LilSis )))


We missed you - hope that counts.

Lilsis:

Get a new cellphone for the boys. WH can call that new phone to talk to the boys all he wants, without your "intereference."

And you have a nice little record showing his "Concern" and how "He was trying to spend time" with his boys.

I'm gald you enjoyed the windy city.

Now on to planning for DC.

(((LS)))

LG

Sis,

I am so jealous! A new HAT! LOVE hats! Filene's Basement,,,, one of my favs!

{{{Hugs}}} on the pangs! I get those, too when I am gone on business trips. Keep focused on those BOYS!

Glad you had a great time. Did you take some good pics that you can hang up to remind yourself of the FUN?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

agree with Golfer

but

don't let them take the phone out of the house

they are too young, they will forget it somewhere ... keep it in a room where they can talk to their Dad without you listening

Pep

that's a good idea.....they have those prepaid ones...it can be like the bat phone....or rat phone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

lol NIA

The really great part is that she could really call it the RAT PHONE! And it simply refers the baby rats and their momma........(batting eyelashes)

Noooooo...it has no reference to his RatTurd lifestyle....hehehehehe

the whole RAT situation really is ironic.

(Neak here - I am on the road with the laptop.)

When I was 7 I went to the Museum, and have never forgotten it. My only regret is that I have almost no memory of seeing the Tsavo Maneaters; only a vague familiarity upon seeing their picture.

That has to be my favorite adventure story of all time! The most unbelievable parts of the movie (Ghost and the Darkness) were true, and they didn't even put in some of the more unbelievable parts. I so have to give ol' Patterson points for dogged determination, if nothing else. (Some of his escapades would not have been undertaken by anyone with two particles of common sense to rub together, but at least the Colonel was no coward.)

It was funny, in a macabre sort of way, how one night, with hundreds of the workers having taken refuge in trees, one poor little tree, overloaded past bearing, broke and spilled all the men down on top of one of the lions, who fortunately (for them) was too busy eating the man he had already killed, to bother with them. It is no wonder they thought the lions were demons.

I could go on, but after all you only drove by the Museum, not actually visited it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(The Rudaprayag Leopard was the subject of another hair-raising maneater tale, but has nothing whatsoever to do with Chicago. The same author wrote about the lions and the leopard, is all.)

Must stop self, except to add, since you have a maneater in your own life, that in all the stories I read, the maneater came to a bad end, usually shot and skinned, then paraded in front of the cheering villagers.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL AJ

That should be... LOL "AJ"

Neakie-poo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

a chick without a stick

Neak: To me, Field Museum = Sue...and we visited at the height of DS11's dino fascination days. He could hardly contain himself.

Cell phone...good idea. I can pick up a decent prepaid one at the Alltel store and it has great coverage.

carn: Glad you missed me. It feels nice to be missed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I do need to start making firm plans for the DC trip. My sister and niece are coming along with us, so it will be even more fun. It's only a couple of weeks away. Just need to get through it.

Darn it, I feel lonely. Maybe it was spending a whole weekend in really close quarters with good friends, but now back here at home, me and the kids, I just feel empty, like I have no one to talk to. I didn't realize how desperately I craved that extended adult companionship and comradery. To spend an significant stretch of time with other adults, having fun, not talking about work or husbands or kids...we were just having fun, enjoying each other, sharing stories and laughing.

So now, without an adult around, I just feel alone. Of course I love the boys, and they are wonderful...but I am "mom." I'm not an equal, I'm the one they count on for everything. I can't sit down and have a conversation. I can't share a glass of wine with someone, talk about my day, what I did at work, etc.

Today was a busy day at work, and tomorrow will be as well, and this cold is working its way deep into my chest. Maybe I'm just tired.

I know I should make some plans for evenings like this, but this feeling is unpredictable. The next two nights we do have plans, so I thought tonight would be a nice relaxing evening.

Remind me one more time about how I should pity WH, not resent him for living up the single life...even though I totally understand intellectually. And honestly, I wouldn't trade places, so it's silly. I have my boys, and I have wonderful friends, I have a great job where I am respected, I have a family who loves and supports me, I have a cozy home.

Especially the boys. One thing I forgot to share:

On Saturday night, while staying with my mom and sister, DS8 had a terrible stomach ache that my mom and sister suspected was due to anxiety. He's stayed at my mom's house many times without me...but this time he was wailing from this unidentifiable pain that went away when my mom asked if he wanted to sleep with her in her bed. I didn't find this out until I was on my way to pick them up; I'm glad they didn't call me or I would have freaked. I was nervous about the boys thinking that I left them or wasn't coming back...like their dad.

Oh well. I think I might go take a hot bath. My head feels like it's made of lead and my chest aches from coughing.

Oh...I heard my first red-winged blackbird of the season yesterday.

Sis - cell phone records can go a long way in court to proving your plan B did not deny your husband access to the children. I'd make it a priority to ensure that whatever phone you get provides you with detailed records of calls.

LS-
I know what you are saying with how it will hit you, after you have fun with other adults, and you feel lonely. I also get like that. I have my one friend that I can call and talk to after I get the kids in bed for the night. So far she has been loyal to my fifty hour monologues about how I did not think that this would be my life! LOL! Thankfully, as time has passed for me, I do not NEED to call her as much. But it helped me when I would get really depressed. I just would need some kind of ADULT interaction. It is good for you. I have found too, that when I do not have the kids, if I do plan something with my friends at least one of the days on the weekend, that I feel like a better mom in the long run, and a better person. It validates for me that I AM liked by people, and that HE is the one missing out on spending time with me!

When my WH took the girls overnight for the first few times, they HATED it, they cried, wanted me, and generally made my WH feel bad about everything. It broke my heart that they were so upset. My younger D is not as close to my WH as the older one, and he does not seem as fond of her. She is more clingy, and he refuses to coddle her just a little when she gets whiney, he does not understand that she just wants to feel secure with him. I hope that they grow closer as time passes.

I know too, that sometimes I actually envy the fact that he can come and go as he pleases. Not because I would want to trade places with him (not in a million years!!!) but because of the fact that he is so much better at just 'letting go' than me. I wish that I could just not care as MUCH as I do...

Such a curse....or is it? :-)

I really want to go back to the Museum sometime. Does it show? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Neak-chick <-------- Sheep in wolve's clothing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My favorite is the ART INSTITUTE with the IMPRESSIONIST PAINTINGS.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Make sure you can get a print out with calls made on a pre-paid phone. You may be better off paying the 10.00 a month for an additional line on your exisiting account.

You're doing great, keep it up.

Having a little bit of a crisis this morning. (big surprise)

I've been thinking of how I have so few people I can trust. How so many people that I thought I could trust betrayed me in one way or another.

I am worried that I will always feel this way...that I won't be able to trust anyone again, that I will always feel like if I begin to care about someone, or count on someone, that they will betray me or let me down in some major way.

It is scary. It makes me feel really alone.