hope you are feeling better now.
sleep well.....see ya int he morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, I am just getting a chance to catch up... this order would NOT extend to the children emailing you or your children. It has very specific terms.
I will read the rest of the thread and catch up and comment more.

The boys and I did one of our famous "attic picnics" with carrots, grapes and their choice of nasty frozen treats (today's selections: mozzarella sticks and little pizzas), with ice cream for dessert. The boys LOVE attic picnics.

We watched "Catch That Kid." Cute kid movie.

Yes. I definately feel better (minus the stomach ache from the nasty frozen treats).

SL: glad this helped you with perspective...thanks for adding your ditto to the "he's following script" chorus. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am going to disagree with several people here... or at least throw something else out there. See, I don't believe that RT has done this.. I believe it is coming from the kids.
Why... because she KNOWS that would be a problem with the existing order... and I believe that it is much too early in Plan B for her to be over the euphoria of having you end your contact with your WH. I think that right now she feels like she is winning (she isn't) and doesn't know that her little house of cards will come tumbling down soon.
I think what most likely happened was the kid asked if he could email about the rat and it was allowed without thought.

Sis, in all truth, no matter what we say here, you will NOT know WHO emailed your son. It's up to you what to do with the email. Again, most people seem to say to leave it be, for now. Keep record of it, and move on. Sounds like good advice.

I also don't see the letter being from an adult. Sincerely would be the word to make it look like it was from a kid... in fact the word "your" was used where "you're" should have been. Also, my son is 11 and has known how to spell large words for years.
Sorry, I just don't buy it. First rule in law enforcement is to go with the simple ideas first. IMHO, this letter was from the kid. I would make a point to delete that email and discourage any contact between the kids. Their becoming friends (which I doubt will happen) will in your H's eyes, legitimize this made in he11 romance.

ewwwww, the kid's legitimizing their, ew, bweh, ro..bweh, hurp, ro...gwak, whew romance, blech. I think I just lost two pounds, thanks MEDC.

Sorry about that. The orginal phrase positioning, end comment seemed to look like the entire content of the email.
At first I thought it was written by the ow child. Kids say& write the most random things out of the blue. Okay. Your end comment.





[/quote]

MEDC, I also suspect that it was written by the kid. The one phrase "your a good friend" is a little unusual because I've heard it before, but that could be the exact reason why the kid wrote it...because HE'S heard it all these eight months:

"Oh RTS...DS11 is still YOUR GOOD FRIEND. His mean mom has just gone crazy and she won't let DS11 play with you anymore. Poor DS11!! But DS11 misses you and is still YOUR GOOD FRIEND. You and DS11 will be able to play together as soon as we have that scary crazy woman locked up."

Please.

We can SPECULATE all we want. BUT the facts still stand (ok, just a little editorializing):

**WH gave RT/RTS DS11's email address.
**WH gave RTS a rat. (may or may not be the dead one...remember, there were plenty)
**ALL future emails to DS11 will be forwarded to my email for screening.
**I will be on record with my attorney and PO about the contact.
**WH is clueless when it comes to parenting and gave no thought (SURPRISE!) to the consequences or the pain such an action might inflict on his sons.
**WH is still onboard with the whole Brady Bunch fantasy.
**RT has no reluctance about WH's role in her kid's lives. (sick!!!)

SL is correct. None of the above matter. What does matter is my response to what I DO know. My response is....nothing. (Well, nothing that anyone outside can see...no one has to know that I blew a gasket and cried a bucket)

I also agree with you, MEDC, that RT isn't feeling any Plan B heat. I was only in Plan B for a little over a week when WH took off for Arizona. They are still basking in the afterglow of my PBL...reality hasn't had a chance to encroach on their fantasy life in the slightest.

I'm sure that RT is--as we speak!--planning their big welcome home celebration. WH will be working, so the days will be a little difficult, but they will have all evening and all night together...

WH doesn't have any pesky kid obligations until Tuesday. How fortunate for them. All the more time for WH to spend with RT and her three kids! What a happy family.

Whatever. Truthfully, I'm more upset that my two weeks of FREEDOM are over since WH is returning tomorrow. Now it's back to looking over my shoulder, wincing at the sight of a cop car, worrying that I will run into him or see him somewhere. Hopefully it won't feel so raw now, two weeks further into Plan B. It was nice to know he was 2000 miles away.

If I can KEEP my head in the right place then I will be okay. Actually, these ugly reminders really help keep my head firmly IN the right place. It's hard to blame myself when WH is so obviously, obviously WRONG, when it's so black and white, when he's so GROSS.

Lil Sis,

I agree..the best response is NO response.

Now, your H could have given DS11's email address to RTS...maybe even some time ago, saying, "Hey, you oughta send DS11 an email sometime. He's your good friend, right?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

OR (and I DO think this is likely),

maybe RT knows your WH's password to his account, decided to poke around and found DS11's email addy in WH's address book.


I DO think that RT was behind the email, even if her son actually wrote it.

I mean, she seem to be losing her "POWER"! Think about it...the effects of your Plan A on your WH (and it DID affect him!)...THEN, you went to Plan B, and I'm sure your WH is upset about that, and is probably showing it...now, he's gone on a 2-week trip ALONE...and maybe being away from her has caused him to distance himself some and she can sense that...SOOOO, maybe she's decided that she needs to get you out of the picture...like into jail. "Hmmmm! What would make LilSis mad enough to come after me again? I know!!! Her KIDS!!!"

First, she sets up WH to tell DS11 to check his email. Perhaps, during a phone call, she says, "Have you taken pictures?" WH says, "Yeah." She then says, "I can't wait to see them. Oh, and I bet DS11 would love it if you emailed him a few of them. Kids love getting email!"

THEN, she calls her DS into the room and says, "Gee, honey, it's been a long time since you've talked to DS11. I'll bet he would love to know that you have one of his dad's baby rats, too! Look, here's his email addy...why don't you write him a nice email about his dad giving Max to you?" Whle standing over him as he types the email, she probably said, "Hey, why not remind him of what a good friend he is?" "Good idea, Mom!" says RTS, as he types away.

What she's doing right now is sitting and waiting for you to make that phone call to blast her (probably with her lil' tape recorder handy) or even storm over to her house to punch her lights out (probably got 911 on speed-dial just for you!). Heck, even if you just broke your Plan B to call WH up to bless him out, that would suit her purposes!

Now...picture this: She is sitting there, waiting, waiting, waiting...wondering, "When is LilSis going to call me?" or "I wonder when she's going to show up to attack me!" Maybe she calls WH to see if he's all upset and if you have called him. "Nope," says WH, "I haven't heard from LilSis. Why? Should I have?"

OK..NOW she is starting to get fidgety. She doesn't know how much thinking WH has done while he's been gone. She knows that his parents don't like her and is not sure how much they may have influenced him. So, her mind is gonna start spinning again..."I have GOT to get LilSis to mess up! How can I make that happen?"

OK...end of speculation!

Lil Sis, you need to be on your toes now...and yeah, I know that you don't want to have to worry about it. Just think of it as "thwarting Evil", which is what you will be doing.

I would think that her next step would be to finangle some sort of contact with your boys, whether it's contact with her boys or directly with her. Maybe through some sort of activity or something. Just be kinda watchful. For instance, if DS11 is invited for a sleepover, find out what other boys will be there.

You want to be absolutely silent with her...no response at all. It will drive her tee-totally NUTZ!

And, THAT, my dear, is EXACTLY what you want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

well, good morning!

for whatever it is worth....i think the kid wrote the email at the prompting of the mother. always have.
your WH may or may not be in on it....it may be innnocent on his part,but i think RT had a plan to upset someone.

i couldn't see SB's interpretation that it was written by an adult......but, i am not expert in that field.

same advice....sit on it. keep it in case.
monitor DS's email.

Just jumping in with my 2c.

Just because the "You're" is misspelled in the "your a good friend," doesn't mean it was necessarily written by a child. My H showed me a note his FOW wrote to him...it said, "Your hot!" She's 36 and an idiot.

Morning.

I woke up today with the feeling of horror at the thought of how that email would have been like a dagger through the heart of DS11.

His dad is gone; left the family. He's feeling the loss tremendously...although he doesn't say anything, his reaction to WH's phone call on Weds. proved it...he was elated.

DS11 knows that WH is with RT....as my IC talked about yesterday, DS11 has to have given some thought to the fact that WH may be spending time with her kids. Knowing that RTS got a rat would prove that to him.

Finally, RTS mentioned seeing DS11's cousin at a school concert. I don't know the details of that, but from DS11's perspective, and if he's feeling threatened by RTS' relationship with WH, this would be another encroachment.

DS11 would, at some point, begin to think that WH prefers RT's kids to he and DS8. Rejected...betrayed...unworthy. Just the message that an 11 year old needs.

It makes me ill.

I like your scenario, Lady C, but I don't think it's accurate. I don't believe that RT is feeling any heat at this point. I have a STRONG sense that WH did this...that he said, "RTS, here's DS11's email addy. I'm sure he'd like to hear from you. You are his good friend."

That said, I don't think he gave any thought to the content. He doesn't think that far ahead.

What his intent was in doing so...who knows. It could have just been total cluelessness; "innocent." It could have been viewed as a way to serepticously reintroduce RTS back into DS11's life; setting the stage for the Brady Bunch to come. It could have been viewed as a way to get to me (don't think this is the case).

I tend to think it's door number two...wanting to reintroduce RTS into DS11's life. Which is so disgusting...so horrifying to me...I can't even imagine.

I do agree, Lady C...that if WH thinks an email is appropriate, then he certainly would have no qualms about bringing the kids together. The agreement says nothing about the kids, so he is free to do so.

That will be the next blow...and it's coming.

LOL!

have to admit, I make plenty of typos and I am an adult.(sorta)
spellcheck even misses sometimes.

it's true...all 'WE" can do is speculate on who wrote the letter....and it's just a waste of time.

at some point it should be addressed (LS has some time to figure out how).....BUT,
EVEN IF it was written by the kid w/ no prompting from either adult....LS and her son do not need that insensitivity. she wants to set a boundry and protect her son.

I am one as you know that can get frustrated by a lack of belief in the MB's perspective..as you know, it's because it fit my situation to a T...

I will share, based on what my H has told me, that the OW DOES FEEL HEAT DURING PLAN B..that my H WAS UNHAPPY DURING PLAN B..because she was FAILING TO BE FUN ANYMORE..that she was not meeting his needs..that HE WAS MISSING HIS FAMILY..and rather than HELPING HIM with that as you would expect your LOVED ONE to do..she was trying to make him see that there was NO USE in missing your family...she wanted him to believe that HER FAMILY..including HER DAUGHTER..was HIS FAMILY NOW...

It seems that you may disagree with this viewpoint..but I thought it might be helpful to share it with you based on my experience...

I can't understand why you want to put the blame of this ALL on your WH when you have NO EVIDENCE of that...Of course, he may have done the above BUT it was DEFINITELY ENCOURAGED AND SUPPORTED BY HER....and I am definitely not EXCUSING him because all of this is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and DISGUSTING FOR SURE....

She probably is definitely pushing the BRADY BUNCH SCENARIO..

It is your job to FIGHT IT...to keep it from happening...

And yes this is ALL DISGUSTING..

Which is the point of PLAN B..to remove yourself from this so that your LOVE BANK will not be EMPTIED...

So following the PLAN, all means of communication with HIM needs to be BLOCKED.

Maybe make sure that your H has to use other means to communicate with your son. Let him send all the E-Mails he wants but don't let your son read them or respond to them..nor do you...

Didn't you FORGET all about that E-mail account? Or maybe you can let someone else other than yourself monitor it...

I recall my H saying that there is so much that he is glad that I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT OR ELSE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LOVE HIM AGAIN..I bet some of that includes stuff he did for and with the OW's DAUGHTER...when they were trying to create the BRADY BUNCH....

I suspect the OW will fail at that, too..if you let her...

He will get to see the type of woman that she is..a WOMAN THAT WILL USE HER OWN CHILD IN HER SCHEMES...How AWFUL and CONFUSING for that LITTLE BOY....

Insensitivity...he11, that's WH's middle name. Thank you for saying this nia...it's kind of what's been lurking around the edges of my mind.

If he doesn't mind hanging out at the coffee shop around the corner...if that level of insensitivity doesn't bother him, if the boys and I seeing RT/WH in the car together doesn't bother him, if the fact that she had me tossed in jail and wrote this letter about how scary I am to impact my sentencing...if they show that kind of insenstivity to ME, why should they not show the same lack of sensitivity to the kids?

I do want to set a boundary. And while I am okay with sitting on all of this for now...reporting it to the PO and screening emails to provide some cover...I am VERY fearful of that next blow.

My IC said yesterday that I cannot protect DSs from hurt; that all I can do is to help them deal with the hurt.

But the idea that the hurt is inflicted by their FATHER...

It's one thing to help your kids deal with the hurt of a friendship turned sour, a broken heart, a failed test. These are normal occurances in life. But a father who leaves and "adopts" a new family, and expects you to join in as if this is all hunky dory...

That is a life-long scar...maybe a lifelong wound. And inflicted by their FATHER.

I am REALLY afraid of not setting a boundary. Help me out with this guys...because as I think of it...not responding (either thru the intermediary or thru the attorneys) give them a FREE PASS to keep pushing that envelope in terms of getting the kids together...

I REALLY want to protect them from that!! YOU ALL KNOW THAT FEELING!! And if I CAN protect them from that by having my attorney call his....

And who knows...if WH was NOT a part of this...if RT did get DS11's email in some underhanded manner as some of you have suggested...wouldn't WH hit the ROOF if he got a call from his attorney saying that RTS is not to contact DS11?

If I can be bold enough to do so... I don't think Lilsis is showing ANY lack of confidence in Plan B. I think what she and I have said is that it is too early in Plan B for the heat to have been applied. RT is thinking that she won since Lilsis and WH are not speaking.

And Mimi... while you THINK RT had something to do with the email, it is not accurate to say she "DEFINITELY" had a hand in it. That is an assumption and may or may not be correct.

As to your situation Mimi... based on your H's comments, were there things you chose to not know about (those that he is referencing)? If someone said that to me, I would want to know the deatils so that I could make an informed decision as to my continuing a life with them. Just curious if it was your choice to excluse that information.

MEDC

Just out of curiosity Lil Sis, what email account did RT's son use to SEND the email?

Have your intermediary contact WH and let him know that these types of communications are not welcome. The only risk you run here is WH getting ticked at you and having the kids get together against your wishes. I would also sit down and have a heart to heart with your son about his feelings concerning WH actions, RT's children (who, by the way are harmed innocents here too), infidelity and the morality of accepting RT into their lives. If you have not had this talk, I would suggest that the time is now.

MEDC

oh mimi...THANK YOU for saying this and sharing your DH's perspective. I don't "disagree" it's just that it's SO HARD to see that from where *I* am right now THIS MINUTE...KWIM??

You have the advantage of having gone thru it...I'm in the middle of it and it all feels so so so scary. Scarier now that my boys are threatened directly...that terrifies me, which I know you say is exactly what RT wants.

dammit it worked.

Remember YOU did a great Plan A and I LB'd for months before I did Plan A. I had a huge hole to dig out of, and I don't think I made it out all the way.

That's where this is coming from mimi...I am terrified for my boys. DS11 is such a sensitive little kid...they BOTH are. They've already been hurt so much...they would be devastated, heartbroken, confused EVEN MORE.

The Brady Bunch has been my absolute nightmare from d-day...and I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but everything else...every single little nightmare has come true. Heck, even nightmares that I couldn't imagine have come true.

I really need to go pray pray pray because I want God to PLEASE protect my boys since I CAN'T protect them from their own FATHER.