LilSis:

I was a little harsh yeaterday with the Thanksgiving thing.

I believe that Bramble put the spin on it that I intended.

MIL/FIL are doing the best they can.

May the evil twin lose his Vader cape.

(((LS)))

LG

My intermediary (LK) just got an email from WH. I am steamed, and I am crying...at WORK.

Do you all remember how I lost out on reserving the traditional cottage up north? For the past seven years (except last year, when WH and the boys went without me), we have rented a cottage on a lake up north. The first time we went up there was MY family reunion, planned after my dad had gone into remission (the cancer later came back). The whole family gathered at this little family-owned resort. WH and I enjoyed it so much that we began going, just the four of us. Every year, we have dibs on the first full week in August.

This year, I intended to reserve it for the boys and I, and my best friend and I were going to go with her girls. I missed the deadline for reserving it by a couple of days, so I sent an email to the owner, who told me (without explanation) that she had already rented it out. I was upset because I had spoken to her a month or so before and told her I intended to come back.

Anyway…today LK gets an email from WH. He told her of his intent to take the boys to Fargo (BIL lives there) in June, and that he also has vacation Aug. 3-11. THIS IS THE FIRST FULL WEEK IN AUGUST. I KNOW that WH got in there and rented the place out from under me…this would explain why the owner didn’t contact me prior to renting it out to WH. I had told WH several months ago that I intended to bring the boys there this year for our week…he NEVER would have signed up for vacation during that time if he thought that I would be up at the cottage that week.

I know you have all experienced these same kinds of insults, but let me vent. That cottage was OUR place, were WE would go as a family. *I* found that place and arranged my family reunion there to celebrate my dad surviving a horrible, brutal battle with cancer (that he ultimately lost).

My stomach is churning. Why does this stuff keep happening? Why can’t I have a string of GOOD DAYS? Something always happens.

Like Meggy said…it feels like it is raining shoes. I want the sun to come back out. Dammit, and I hate it when I cry at work.

LS I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I had something more to offer but I know you could use a hug so here you go (((Lil Sis))). It will be ok. You will see that it will all work out in the end one way or another. Keep you head up. My grandmother used to always say you may feel like giving out sometimes just don't ever give up.

wait...calm down.
how can you be so sure that WH rented that same cottage out from underneath you?
do you really think he contacted the woman to rent the same cottage after you told him you planned on going there the first week in August?
why would he do that? is he THAT vindictive?

why wouldn't he have signed up for vacation the same week as you?
seems to make sense that THAT would be a good time for him to go away on his own vacation w/o the expectation of having you and the boys around knowing that he and TR were away at the same time??

or maybe i am giving him too much credit.

Lilsis... I am sorry this is happening to you. Are you implying that he is taking RT there? If so... and I mean this without hesitation...there would be NOTHING he could do to make that right.
I would continue on with Plan B AND I would make a point when you have all your facts straight to communicate his intentions to your MIL. His parents and anyone he knows should be offended beyond words by his actions. And if this is the case... there should be no sheilding your children from this reality either....they need to call their dad on his beahvior too.
I am furious for you...
MEDC

I agree with Nia.

I would call to ask her if she rented out the cottage to your WH.

He MAY have taken that particular week off...

HE wanted to go to the cottage. When he asked me several months ago, I told him that I planned to take the boys there this year, and he said that he had thought that HE was going to.

I'm SURE of it. The woman who rents it KNEW that I wanted to come back. She also knew that WH and I weren't together. That puts her in a very sticky situation. On the one hand, she has me...who has told her that I want our week...but who missed the deadline by a couple of days.

On the other hand, she has WH, who probably called her, told her he wanted it, and sent in his $.

Either way, on her end, she hasn't violated the "policy" of giving first dibs to returning tenants. That's the only way it makes sense that she didn't call me prior to renting it out...because technically, she didn't violate the "policy,"

He wouldn't sign up for his vacation when I had plans with the boys because--remember now!!--he's SUPER DAD! Of COURSE he intends to include his boys on his vacation! Especially if it means that they get to go to their traditional place...even though mom's not there anymore. No biggie. Who needs her. RT is just as good...hey! Better even!

Who knows if he intends to have RT and the Replacement Kids along for the fun. Why not? One big happy family, after all. And by then, the D will be final (or he thinks it will be, anyway) so NO ONE should have ANYTHING to say about with whom he and the boys spend time.

Yes, you are. But I know that you mean well...

I feel like vomiting.

Besides, he said specifically to LK (intermed.) that he was planning the first week in August (3-11) to spend with the boys, as that is when he had vacation.

So clearly it wasn't his intent to take off with RT while the boys and I were at the cottage. He DELIBERATELY signed up for the week that the boys and I would have been at the cottage, and told LK that he was intending to spend that week with them.

So are you suggesting that I email the woman who rents it and ask her point blank if WH is the one to whom she rented it?

i feel a little sick myself.

so, he intends to take the boys on vacation THAT week also?
i missed that int he first email...he is vindictive.

you mentioned that you had plans for THAT week. you can still find soemthing to rent that week, can't you?
how rude of him to ASSUME the boys will be available TO HIM when youi already mentioned you planned to vacation that week...or maybe he is counting on the fact that they wouldn't be. less aggrivation for him that way.
afterall,
he TRIED to take them to the cottage...LS made other plans for them....not his fault...nothing HE could do about it.
still the good guy.
wow...he really is a [censored] if all this is true.....i'd be very wary of him....seems like he has learned some of RT's manipulitive and vengeful ways.

I would not e-mail ... I would CALL on the phone. less chance of misunderstanding.

Pep

i don't see any reason why you can't call the woman and ask her if WH is the one who rented the cottage.

Nice thread title change .... LOL

yes... ask her if she rented it to him. YOU tell you H when he can have the kids for vacation. If you get divorced he will need to run these things by you Lilsis. And NEVER... NEVER let those kids go there with him and RT. That will hurt your children beyond words.

ah...pep beat me to it.
good....i am glad to have my instincts confirmed by the master. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


CALL....talk to her...don't email.

LK had a good suggestion for a response to WH's email.

June is fine.

However, the two of you verbally agreed that LS would take the boys that week since it is the week that--as a family--you always went to the cottage, so she planned a vacation.

And leave it at that.

Further, LK says...
Let him respond with where are they going, or what are they are doing......then you can say you planned something else since he stole your family tradition - time for new ones.

Comments?

I think for now that's good.
Let him respond TO you about HIs plans.


but, i would still call the cottage woman and ask he rif she rented to WH.
then you are certain.

wait a few days to respond ....

talk to cabin-lady

think this through

can you get some legal arrangement of visitation in place ~before~ a divorce?

I'd go legal on his azz.

Pep

yeah....no need to respond right away. keep him waiting.

I'm so discouraged, guys.

Sis, do you have an LSA? Can you start that ball in motion?

I would agree to call the cabin-lady today, get a definitive on WH's plans, and THEN make a decision. Don't answer WH's email so quickly. Take your time, get all ducks in that pretty little row. Remind WH, through intermediary, that you have taken that week for your vacation with the kids, ALREADY. Don't talk to him about the cabin. DO NOT!

If he did this, he's a turd himself. Take your kids elsewhere; find another great place. I know it's not fair, and he is hurting your family more and more. Start a new 'family' tradition.