WHAT?? You have every RIGHT to have this INFORMATION. You are checking on this for YOURSELF in regards to what happened in terms of your BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP with them.

I don't understand. So what, if "WORD GETS AROUND"? Perfect opportunity to tell someone else that your H left you to continue an affair with a RAT TURD...

HEAD UP..CHEST OUT....

i agree w/ mimi.
it's not like you are being sneaky....you have an honest question to ask the woman.
I don't see any reason for you to feel concerned about what the cabin lady thinks OR word getting back to WH.

I don't think it's being "sneaky" either. You have every reason to find out why you lost out on the cottage. If WH *is* planning to take the boys there, you have every right to know this, and indeed every responsibility to know this whether in Plan B or not.

Calling the "cabin lady" lets you find out without having to contact WH. If it wasn't him who rented it, it will put your mind at ease, and if it was him and he thinks he's taking the boys up there with Rat Turd, you need to know that too so you can deal with it.

No more speculation on things that you do need to know about it. Most can and should be ignored when in Plan B, but not when it could involve your sons.

If it *was* WH who did this, I will have more opinion on that, too.
Mulan

Girl settle down....

Don't you see that Plan B is having its effect... if he wasn't effected he wouldn't be trying to triggering you. he is reacting to YOU. He's trying to get back at you for standing your ground.

The boys will understand, they have seen it enough to know that your standing your ground and he is breaking his head over rocks to impact you.

Stand tall, did he call the lady at the cottage and doe she think you guys are one and the same... maybe he said he was calling for you? Let her know what is going on, he might be pulling the wool over your eyes

If not, go and do something wonderful first week of august.

Is it really all that important to know if WH rented the cabin or not, as long as you know that the boys won't be going there that week, since they will be with you, as planned?

What you find out might make him more or less of a jerk ... but it doesn't **really** change anything. You wouldn't have gotten to rent the cottage that week, anyway. Besides, he probably feels just as entitled to the place as you do.

I like your original response. "June is fine, but August doesn't work, per the verbal agreement."

Nice and easy, and then you don't have to care whether he goes to the cottage, the moon, or the back lot of a pig farm for his vacation ... it won't affect you or the boys at all.

I'm with you, AmI. The more I think about it, the less I care about the cottage thing...it's irrelevant, and just a source of pain and aggravation to me...not Plan B at all.

I told WH at least two or three months ago that I was planning on the boys that week. End of story.

I had a conversation about his with my sister as well, and she had the exact same reaction as AmI. Plain and simple...we discussed this months ago. The first week in August is my week.

Further (my sister pointed out), if WH DID book the cottage, and the thought of me impeding the kids from going to their favorite summer place is distressing to him, then I would be happy to take them in his place, and will pay him for the deposit that he has already put down.

My sister also suggested that I be even MORE gracious...give him the option of taking the boys another week...but he will have to check that with me by a specified time. This is perfectly reasonable and would appear so even in court. Remember...the current order has "mutally agreed upon" or some such language. "Announcing" his personal timetable just ain't gonna fly.

So my response (via LK) is going to be this:

June is fine. August is not, as per a previous verbal agreement. If you would like to choose another week in the summer to spend with the boys, please let me know by May 1 and I will run it past LS.

Very calm. Very unemotional. Very to the point. He gets June as requested. He doesn't get August, but he does get the opportunity to choose another week.

Whatever his plans are...I can't sweat about that. This is Plan B. No matter what happens, he will get to do what he wants to with the boys...as long as RT's not involved, that is..and she won't be if he wants to avoid going to court.

I feel good about this, guys, so I hope I have your support. This feels like the correct response. It is Plan B all the way. Send this response off to WH, and let him curse and swear and get mad and feel frustrated and get irritated and try to get a different week off of work.

These are HIS problems. Not mine. See ya!

MEANWHILE....LS and her Big Sis are making plans for Cape Cod.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I like the response. Good job!

BTW...for inquiring minds...I exposed to the cottage lady when she called me back in Nov./Dec. so she knows full well...but she's a businesswoman first and foremost.

Whatever. I really don't care.

The boys have never been to the Cape...and they've never flown, either...so if we are engaged in a vacation pi$$ing match, I'm going to kick WH's a$$.

Sis,

In the email, did he say that he intends to take the kids to Fargo,

yes.

But does he then just state he has vacation from Aug 3 - 11, but does not say anything about taking them anywhere, or does he say he wants to take them somewhere?

Just want clarity here regarding his statement.

SB

Good job on the response, now keep copies of all emails =)

I do think he was punching a button - your trip to DC probably did hurt and he was retaliating - he needs you to dance the WS enablement dance but you are dancing a different dance!

LS, be prepared. Words, as your husband has already proven, mean only what is convenient at the moment.

You should not be so shocked that he is not keeping agreements. THIS is who your husband is right now - a man who does not keep his word. Be prepared for him to break more promises.

Sis - do you recall sometime ago, on your last thread, that I thought it very likely that Mr. Passive would turn into Mr. Passive/Aggressive if you started taking control away from him - as in, if you went to Plan B?

It sure looks like that's what he's doing. He will find ways to yank your chain while looking perfectly bland and innocent at the same time - "but I just wanted to take my sons on a vacation!" - and you know what?

It almost worked.

He hit you with that Invisible Sledgehammer and really got you going, which is of course exactly what he wanted.

Please, please, PLEASE be ready for more of this. He is going to look for ways to hurt you and push your buttons and take control away from you and make YOU look like the crazy one. He won't do this overtly - he will do it coldly and passive-aggressively like he did with this vacation nonsense - but you can bet your house he WILL do this.

Please tell me you will be fully prepared for a lot more of this. And please tell me that you realize that the more P/A sh*t he pulls, the more your Plan B is working.

I would highly recommend that you read the links in my sig line - even the long MB thread. I guarantee you, you will be dealing with exactly the same thing and if you are not ready for it he's going to drive you literally screaming crazy (BT, DT).

Don't let him do this to you.
Mulan

SB:

For your analyzing pleasure...his exact words to LK:

I have vacation June 13th through the 24th and am looking forward to taking DS11 and DS8 to ND again, leaving after DS11 gets back from DC and being gone for a week to 10 days.

I have vacation August 3rd through the 11th and am looking forward to sharing it with DS11 and DS8 then too.



(LK noted that he lost the Tricky [censored] sig line...)

You did a great job of not REACTING too quickly or rashly.
You processed everything and came up with the right Plan B response.

Now just work on not reacting so EMOTIONALLY to his attempts to push your buttons.

You spent a whole day distracted and upset over nothing.

Mulan:
I have read those links...the one in particular about getting the uglies out had MANY recognizable traits. Not everything...but enough.

So you know...there is NO WAY I was going to break Plan B in reaction to this...I came on here to freak out instead. You all told me to breathe, don't panic, step back, calm down...

He pushed my buttons, and I reacted..but he will never know. Is this okay??? Because if you are asking me to NOT react...even here...yikes, I doubt I can do that.

This is how I am...I freak out, get angry, sad, all these emotions come right up to the top...but after some time, and after I'm sucked back in to real life (meetings, kids, friends, sister on the phone)...perspective returns.

I hope you don't mind bearing with me as I go through the freak out stage...I'll get better...I need you to remind me that I've been triggered...nothing more...calm down...don't panic...

(Thanks for that, by the way... )

So I did the right thing, correct???

I want you ALL to know that I am COMMITTED to Plan B. He can push away on all those buttons--click click click---but as long as I don't SHOW him that they caused a reaction (even if I am reacting in private)...that's okay...

RIGHT??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Yuppers!

You did great!

Fantastic!

You are the Plan B Queeen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Thanks, this helps.

I like that the Nixon line is gone. Interesting....a change of heart - he is analyzing himself and didn't like what he saw there, he finally read into it what others were seeing. Ouch. Now he knows he was a dope, but he will never admit that.

Maybe he is looking forward to sharing August dates with the boys, but I see something else. Placed at the end of a message for a very significant reason.

The body of the message, what comes first, is expressed for the apparent reason to the reader as the main purpose of the communication - to wit, "vacation June 13th through the 24th".

The second paragraph, however, is of equal importance in this message, although appearing last, and almost presented as "I almost forgot". While he states it with less emphasis, and secondary to the first paragraph, it does have more weight. However, I don't know about one phrase here - "looking forward to sharing it with" sons. This seems phony. It just doesn't feel right, sounds scripted. Too in-synch with the first paragraph, for one thing, and just....off.

I can't put my finger on this one, but it is off. My instincts tell me that either the "looking forward" is a lie, or that there is more to the story underlying this sentence that he is not revealing. One or the other is the case.



SB

Lex:

Be prepared.

Can you all call me on this next time?

"Hey, LS. Remember that time with the vacation schedule? You freaked out initially, got us all in an uproar, and after you got over THAT, it was fine. Get a grip, girl. If you are (a) at work, go ask K to tell you about her last meeting with LC and laugh your a$$ off. If you are (b) at home, get in the car and go to the mall and if you don't feel like shopping, at least walk laps around the place."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wonder if it could be b/c WH ASSUMED LS already knew he had taken the cabin out from under her that week and is slyly mentioning it in an off handed way.

If that is the case...he's going to flip out when he gets that e-mail.

~ Marsh

SB: I also thought that the way the sentence was structured was odd.

A guess? He KNOWS it is a potential bomb and he was trying to ammeliorate (sp?) that by sounding very Super-Dad-ish, Mr. Nice Guy.

personally

I don't think he is THINKING very much

don't give him all that credit