No worries, all.

I am happy in my dark buffer zone. I am so pleased that my sister handled it the way she did...answering on the spot without any wishy-washy "I'll call and ask yada yada." She knew what to do intuitively and she did it. Didn't let him boss her around.

My sister is great, wonderful...but she's also very, very vulnerable in her own way because of the things she has going on in her personal life (just finalized D, living with mom, etc.) AND I am afraid she may be involved in an EA with a co-worker. Don't know how to broach that with her...

BACKDOOR LINE is RINGING!!! Ignored...no message. And virtually NO ANXIETY!! yippee!!

I had a feeling this might happen... I agree with Lexxy, you pulled out of the fight and left him looking like the bully. I also agree with your assesment that he probably can't afford it.

Pep:
I was thinking the EXACT same thing...sort of came out in the discussion on the Killer Bee thread.

Even today...a co-worker who has tremendous personal problems right now passed me as I was walking in. I asked cheerfully, "Where are you off to?" And she gave a look...I knew it was related to her son. I smiled sadly and nodded.

I've been making a point to be very kind to her and think of her and ask how she is doing, even though we have REALLY butted heads previously and are very different in our work styles, personalities and expectations. (Made it difficult when she was my assistant...)

Compassion, appreciation...my new mantras...keep working on this...

good girl lilsis, I know how tempting that can be. You want him to be reaching out. But you're staying safe and protecting yourself in your dark Plan B cocoon!

Lets just think good thoughts about WH. Maybe the better side of him is trying to fight its way out. He has a looooong way to go though! And we know the BEST way to help him is to NOT HELP HIM. Right? Making him feel good about his little cottage concession will alleviate his guilt and buy him more time in stinkyland.

Sooooooo the kinder thing to do is stay dark dark dark.

If he does get a message about the cottage through the intermediary, then respond GRACIOUSLY (like pep said!)
with a simple "no thanks, you go ahead and enjoy it...."

I love it! Those chains... he's feeling the squeeze. Tried to get to you through the boys about the dog... didn't work. Tried to get to you through your Sis... backfired. Tried the old tried and true backdoor line... no response. WON'T go through the intermediary... knows she won't take any crap... The plot thickens. Clink.

Have a GREAT time at the concert this evening!

LS:

WH: I've paid the deposit on the Cottage, and now I can't afford to go...
WH: I have to pay $2,400...
WH: The attorney needs $5,000...
WH: LilSis has picked up the toys....
WH: And the only toy I have left sells Donuts. Even Homer Simpson did better than that.....

H: Maybe I can get LS on the phone, using this method... Tell her.....???

The pressure is building.

LS: Your doing great.

Be careful for the next week. H may show up unannouced.

It will break Plan B protocol.

If he does try to intrude, to step into the kitchen, when picking up or dropping off the boys, when you are on the otherside of the house.

And refuses to leave, or whatever, It may be time to give him five minutes.

WH may shout at you. How horrible you are. Fine, turn around and walk out and call 911 and have him arrested.

H might look you in the eye, and say, in effect, where do we go from here? Disaster or Recovery?

Please keep a copy of the Plan B letter in an Envelope on top of the fridge. To hand to H at this time, and to ask him if he is ready to accept the terms. He has read it.

You will know if you need to give it to H. WH doesn't care and get 911'ed.

Some may recommend that you stay dark until he comes crawling back. At this point, This may be all he gives you. A real attempt on his part to reach out, should be responded to positivly on your part.

A plot to shout at you again, you do not need to respond to, and or expose yourself to it.

When the H reachs out, he needs to know that a lifeline is available to drag him from the morass. WH can drown.

H WILL leave a voice mail M. And that VM will tell you everything you need to know...That one can be saved. WH WILL NOT leave a message. WH doesn't want that one saved.

And the longer the hang ups continue, the more we know what he is really trying to say....

Just my take.

LG

PS. I saved a VM from my W on Dday. It was the most amazing and powerful VM. Everything in that VM? Inidicated to me what kind of woman my W really was. I saved that VM for over a year, until Verizon dumped it. I am so disappointed, I could never find a way to get it off the VM.

LG

I have butterflies in my stomach for you!!

Sis where are your Plan A posts? I could only find Plan B

What a perfect response! Just hang in there, Sis. Your Plan B is working. Don't get in the way!
Mulan

LG is exactly right on. He's knows from where he speaks. I was thinking that too... that either WH or H may make an appearance. Get ready.

Holy Moly, I bumped Lil Sis' Plan A thread for you. It's a classic and FULL of great insights. Lil Sis did an awesome Plan A.

It's called "Help! Very cunning and highly manipulative OW has her claws in deep"

LG: I'll keep a copy of PBL on the fridge. Good idea. But I'm not counting on anything. It's just good to have it handy, I suppose. Just in case. If H ever popped up (even for a minute), then I can give it to him with a smile and a gentle "read this again; I meant every word."

WH would never come and yell. He knows what could happen then....and is very sensitive to it And CLEARLY calling the cops is not "out of bounds" in our lives anymore.

No, he'd be more discreet, but he'll find a way to engage me negatively if that's what he wants. He's a smart guy (usually).

Most likely, WH would disguise himself as H. That’s the scary part. H would make himself known by his ACTIONS. So how would I recognize H through WORDS, even to know if a sincere “read this” is warranted?

That question hardly makes sense even to me. I’m just glad that I’ll be out of town until tomorrow afternoon. DS11 mentioned something about getting the dog “this weekend.” I asked if they had thought about bringing her on Weds. Night (after their evening with WH) and DS11 said that dad didn’t want to bring her because “we don’t have any food.”

I asked very sincerely, “Well, doesn’t dad have food?” and DS11 said, “That’s what *I* thought!” (in a “that’s a lame a$$ excuse” tone of voice).



Holymoly is exactly what you will say when you see how loooong this thread is:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

What was VERY COOL: how little anxiety I felt. It was NOT a trigger!!

No butterflies!

YOU had asked for the dog
YOU had asked for the cottage

WH said "no" to both requests

now he is offering both to YOU

something is shifting somewhere

this is really quite interesting

remember that car-passing-by wave?
also something shifting

God is working as YOU step out of the way

praise HIM

stay out of HIS way and be grateful you have surrendered to HIS will

"thy will be done"

Amen Pep. Amen.

and the "rats" are dying
one by one

nia: third week in july it looks like for the Cape...still don't know the town (duh) Will we cross paths...??

And we will have a blast tonight...I don't care WHO we would go see...these are my good friends and I love them...we did Elton John in college, so we thought Billy Joel would be in the same "theme" of great older tunes.

BTW...I think he was at the fire station again this AM, running radar while I ran the gauntlet. Not sure, didn't really look that closely to try to tell if it was him. I was on the phone with my sister. Typically, I didn't used to work on Fridays, so he may have thought he was safe to be there this AM. It would also explain how he knew to call me at work today...

I will be at the Cape 3rd week of July. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
let me know the twon when you find out. make sure you spend soem time in Boston.
it is a GREAT city. There is SO much to do in New England. You'll love it.
oh,
and be sure see Bruce Springsteen next time he comes to town. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do you like causing mischief, because there is someone's car in Boston that I might want vandalized? I can give you directions. I Google Earthed it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'd be happy to, jim! As long as you bail me out of jail....

ILs aren't home yet. The boys got a postcard dated Weds. afternoon that they had just left Pheonix.