Feel free to search if you need to know some background... i have several other posts on this forum.

With all the other issues aside, my wife has decided that she simply cannot continue to live away from her mother and other family.

I'll spare the details, but basically she is willing to give up everything to move 7 hours away and be with her family, whereas I am un-willing to give up my career, our house etc...

There are many other factors that play into my decision to not go with her.

At any rate, she is leaving, along with my 3 young children.

now i await the unavoidable discussions about how she is going to get there, where she will live, and all the other detials on how we are going to make this happen. All the meanwhile dealing with the fact that Im losing her and my kids.

I forfilled every aspect of her needs, she even tells me so. But she has said that is just isnt enough without her family.
Her visiting her family for about 8 weeks out of each year didnt seem to be eoungh either.

I give up, I am letting her go.

But now im scared. when is it really going to hit me?

Why are you allowing her to take your kids?

Because when I picture the life I can provide them and compare it to the life she can provide them in the case that she leaves, it is better for the kids to be with her.

Should I fight it? If I fought it, in which case im sure I would win for the simple reason that she intends to move them out of province, she would likely just stay and hate me. I don't forsee that as being a better envirnment for my kids either.

I understand her reason to want to leave me, but not sure that I should...?
Trying my best not to hate her.

But the advice she gets from her family and counsellor nowadays is that she should do what makes her happy. And she is 100% convinced she cannot be happy here.

She loves me.
She thinks im a wonderful father and husband.
I give her more than I should, and take back less.
But she doesnt have her family within a distance that allows her to see them at anytime she may want. So she feels she needs to leave.

i dont know what to think anymore

langaan, it is not good for your children to be taken away from their home and their father so their mother can get her "happiness." The "happiness" of you and your children is also at stake here. I would suggest that you don't allow her to snatch the kids away from you.

In the meantime, call up a QUALIFIED, PRO-MARRIAGE counselor to help her learn to be happy without destroying her family.[try the Harleys, they are pro-marriage and worth every cent] No doubt, her "counselor" is advising her to act as selfishly as possible in pursuit of her own "happiness" at the expense of your children's well being. Get a REAL counselor and PROTECT your children from her shenanigans. Tell her she can't take the kids.

thank God she's not a serial killer, huh??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I think that's really cute and precious that she is seeking her "happiness" but it should not come at the expense of her husband and children's well being.

But how does that give her the right, justification, or even rationalization to remove your children?

Is this supposed to benefit them as much as her? I doubt it. Fatherless children. What a loss.

I say keep your children with you and let her go grow up on her own.

Seriously, refuse to let them go with her, but tell her to leave anyway.

She sounds as foggy as any WW I have read about here.

She looks at it in her own selfish little way.
She claims she's tried to be happy, yet shes always fought me on this and never worked with me.

She claims our marraige has been ****** (sry for lang)

she was diganosed bipolar 5 months ago, and claims her unhappiness caused it.


I should keep fighting? What if she is right? What if she truly needs to be near her family to be happy?

Then let her go. But keep your children away from such selfish happiness. She will never find it, anyway.

langaan, she can go whereever and whenever she chooses. She is a big girl, no doubt, with a big girl purse and big girl car keys. But she cannot snatch your children from their father and home and destroy their lives.

Her "happiness," or lack thereof, does not entitle her to snatch your kids and destroy your family. Tell her it makes you "happy" that the kids STAY, therefore, they won't be going anywhere with out a COURT ORDER and a sheriff with a BIG DAMN GUN.

I'm with Melody. Why should four people in the family be uprooted and unhappy so a theoretically mature woman can run home to mommy? Sounds like she needs a good, solid, pro-marriage counselor who can explain some facts of life to her. I'm assuming her stated reasons for going back home are true. Are they?

I spent a lot of years as a weekend father, pardner. It ain't fun. If I were you, I'd fight to keep those children in the family home with you.

LH

I like Mels reasoning.

Her happiness = she moves.

Your happiness = you and kids stay.

Kids happiness = they stay with their excellent father.

She's out-voted 2 to one. They stay.

Her kind of happiness will infect your children. Protect them. Keep them with you.

"Darling, I have decided that it makes me 'happy' to keep the children here with me in their own home. I must do what makes me 'happy' too. I sure would hate to see you go, though."

Do what makes YOU "happy," langaan, she will understand completely.

This is an untenable situation. She's obviously seeking to solve her problems externally instead of internally. It's not going to work, and she is ripping her family apart for such a flighty & selfish purpose. YOU and YOUR CHILDREN are her family -- isn't it obvious her priorities are completely backwards? In the meantime, you appear to be idly standing by, allowing her to do this. Your children will feel that you abandoned them.

p.s. if she has bi-polar and depression then she is probably not the best influence for your children right now. This would also indicate that her judgment is quite poor. More reason for these kids to be around the only SANE parent, ie: you, the FATHER. They need you more than ever if she is this selfish and emotionally ill. Please protect your kids, langaan.

i have to go, i will respond later or tom morning.

thanks you guys

Be strong and think of your kids, langaan!! You are all they have to protect them.

Lang,

WEll since I have been where you are now I will tell you my thought process.

I am a good father. True Statment
I have a right to see my kids at least 50% of the time. True statement
I love my Children. True STatment

IF I LET MY WIFE LEAVE WITH MY KIDS NONE OF THOSE STATEMENTS IS TRUE.

Her happiness is not your only concern. If you give in to her your Kids lose.

So now you decide is her happiness more important to you then your kids.

Im going to give a few more details so you all can help me some more... im so confused...

We've been married 7, together 9 years. We have 3 children, a nice house, strong career, etc....
We live inbetween both of our parents. My father and her father both live about 4 hours to the west, and both of our mothers live about 8 hours to the east.
We moved from the east to where we are now 7years ago for my career. I asked her 7 years ago if she wanted to move here, and she said yes with absolutly no problem.
So, we moved out here, got married and had 3 children.

For the first few years of marriage, we kept getting further apart. I was by no means the perfect husband or father, but I also lacked the motivation to forfill some of those shoes. My wife has always been the type to sacrifice anything for her selfishness, and it took its toll early on.
She had also asked me about moving about 5 years ago for the first time, at which time I expressed that I did not want to move for several reasons, and she did not accept any of them from day 1. Since that first time, she has held her misery, depression and everything bad in her life over my head, claiming that this town has made her this way.

All the while she would say this and this needs to change , that needs to change etc....

So, since about 1 year ago, my wife can look me in the eyes and tell me I fixed everything except the fact that we still live here, and now she says that everything ive done was not enough and probably never was.
She even got involved in an emotional affair last year to which she also blames on the fact that she lives here.

I have given 90% into this marriage and family ( i know thats too much ) and she has given maybe 15%.
We have seen counsellors, but they dont help because she will not enthusiastically work towards happiness here.

Fact of the matter is, her family is not on the other side of the world. She is able to and has always been able to see them quite often.

now, i could ramble off several reasons that i dont want to move, but ive decided not to let her confuse me anymore. I have a great job that I love, and it supports us.
Her opinion on that is that i dont have any other problems and I can get a job anywhere.

I think she doesnt consider this HER choice to leave. But instead she wants to think that I made the choice by not agreeing to go with her.

Im so confused. I told her this morning that we need to talk, and she said theres nothing to talk about. She said she needs to go, and I wont come, so whats to talk about.

Im prepared to do what it takes to save the family, but im not willing to move, period.

What do I tell her?

Because in reallity, I feel she needs to grow up, and im tired of this nonsence. And you are all right, theres no way shes taking my kids from me for this.

I have no idea what to say to her tonight.

Lang,

I know your sitch.

You cannot change her mind then let her go. My FWW was the one that basically had the A because I wouldn't move back by her family.

Now here we are years of grief, an A blah blah blah, just like you here is where we are. I am not kidding either.

She had her mom, two brothers, and a sister that she wanted to be near.

Her brother is getting Married this year. She doesn't want to go because he never returns her calls. She never mentioned this. When bugging me to move that they never talk.

She talks to her other brother mabye 3-4 times a year. That is if she calls him 15 to 20 times. He has his own family he is concerned about.

Her mom came to visit as you remember and she is bi polar, passive aggressive etc. All the horrible memories she had of her mother she erased came screaming back. Her one month visit really lasted 2 days but she had to stay for 2 more or the cost of switching the ticket would have been way too much.

Her sister. They talk about once a month or so if my FWW initiates.

Now She wanted to uproot me and my two boys for this. As we discussed this and I spoke what I wrote, not as a judgment but as a fact she said I hated her family.

I honestly wish now that I let her go back, without the kids.

She always said the kids is what held her back.

Now she has no desire to go back.

Today I wonder if I did everything else she asked and said no to this one thing she wanted it more.

It wasn't about doing what was best for the Family, heck even her but just winning.

In our years together if she wanted somehting she got it except for this.

So keep your kids and let her go.