I talked to her half an hour ago and she insisted that I tell her what I wanted to talk about tonight.

So I told her that I am not going to let her take my kids.
She as usual, feels like its me at fault and that it would be me taking the kids from her.

her last words were "go ahead and try to take my kids away from me, see what happens!"

i have to go home fairly soon, need help fast.

i dont know what to do. I do know however that rational discussion is impossible with her.

Wow, her twisted reasoning sounds like alien speak. Do you think she coudl be in an affair.

Your kids need you, langdon. Please stay strong on this, don't let her take them away from their home and you. She is bipolar? Doesn't sound very stable to me, that diagnosis. Will her parents/siblings be caring for the children while she goes out to find happiness?

She is speaking total alien. Not happy, take kids away from father and move.

Doesn't make sense, so don't buy it, don't go along with it.

Call a lawyer, public defender or the local police department. Someone will give you some emergency advice.

i talked to a lawyer, and it looks as thought i need to get a court order to prevent her from taking the kids....

If there is no court order, can't YOU take the kids??? That's how it works in the states.

Then get one. Call the court's office and ask the clerk how to begin.

langaan,

OK, I've been in your shoes. My WW took the kids away from me for 3 weeks (out of state even). I just documented every time I asked to see them and that she denied me every time. As others have said, yes you can take the kids if you want to get in a tug of war over them. I didn't, I let WW dig her own hole and now I have the kids more than she does even though we are separated.

I felt it looked more damaging in the long run to do the tug of war thing. You may lose this battle but you can win the war. It was tough and it hurt like all get out, but in the end it was worth it.

I think your story turned out well as did mine... but I would recommend against EVER letting her take the children. I didn't see my son for 17 months because of that mistake. I now have full custody but nothing will ever replace that time. Just be careful and do NOT let her take the kids unless directed by your attorney to do so.

Eph,

Lang's W wants to move nine hours away with the kids. It's not a tug of war if he gets the court order preventing her from taking them in the first place. It will be a lot harder for him to fight to get them back from another Province, I would think.

I agree on the court order if he can get it. In my sitch, we couldn't get one in time due to the holidays

What I was referring to was the non-court order way - i.e. taking them away on your own. Just want to be careful here.

What if somewhere down the line, she realizes that the better thing to do is to stay, but decides that she is going to just live miserable?

she has said it before, a year or so ago, she said "fine, I will stay and be miserable"

I feel like i should lay out her choices to her tonight as I view them..

I feel like I should tell her she has 2 choices:

#1 - Leave, but understand that if that is her choice I will stop exhausting myself with trying to make her happy and will instead focus 100% on myself and my children, which may very well result in a court order.

or
#2 - Stay, get counselling for herself, more counselling as a couple, and focus on getting her ilness(s) stabilized. (She also has Obsesiive Compulsive Disorder)

and then I would make it clear that staying under the assumption that she will be miserable is not an option..

Is that a good idea?

and if she asks what i am going to do if she decides to leave, I will respond by telling her I intend to get a court order to keep the children here while I seek counselling on my own to help me figure out what is best for me and my kids.

If he takes them on his own he can document why he is doing so... to prevent her from doing it. He can also file for a court order at the same time and get an injunction that will stop her from taking the children.

For a long term solution... where they live should be a POJA issue should the M survive.

why are you BOTH not deciding what is best for your family? Why is the decision of where to live not a joint decision moving forward?

"Because in reallity, I feel she needs to grow up, and im tired of this nonsence. And you are all right, theres no way shes taking my kids from me for this."

This makes me proud to be a dad!

Excellent ideas, on all counts langaan.

A few of the men here with good marriages have said that they told their wives the same thing (very similar). They will not live in a loveless marriage and they will not let the children go with her.

If the marriage survives, and we discuss the issue of where we live, it will go nowhere.
I honestly am to the point now where not only do I not want to move, but I feel like I want to tell her straight out that it is never going to happen. I can't live my life under a cloud knowing that my wife is just "hanging with me" until I forfill her goal of moving to her family.

Remember, I asked her what she would do if the tables were turned, and asked what if I needed to be near my brothers on the west coast... she said she wouldnt move to the west coast because its even further from her family.


One thing I know for sure, and that is that if she agrees to fight for the marriage, she will continue to keep the cloud about moving in our life. I need that cloud gone, I need my wife to committ to OUR family. Am I wrong? or am I even unresonable?

Perhaps I do NOT know enough about your situation... but why do YOU get to unilaterally decide where to live???

There are at least three women I personally know of that said these very words and the dad's were awarded custody!

Response: I have no desire to take the kids away from their mother and they will be home with me praying for her return.

He has said that he doesn't want to leave because of his career, house and other things.

She gets to go stay with her family 8 weeks out of the year.

A man and woman should be emotionally detached enough from their FOO's to have a healthy marriage away from them.

Only Lang knows if she is really being unreasonable or not, but it sounds like she is very immature to me, and kind of selfish.

How old is you W?