Too bad you don't have access to the Orgasmatron...

How about Peter Parker, especially in Spider-man 2? The poor guy couldn't buy a break. Even grabbing a drink from the tray being passed around by the waiter, and the glass was empty. Walking along dragging his crumpled motorbike behind him. Usually trying to keep his chin up, getting frustrated but taking it out on no one else, and always with a wry sense of humor in reserve when battling the Forces Of Evil.

My all-time favorite movie line:
"Hi... this is heavy."

-spoken while holding a huge beam from crushing Mary Jane, without his mask so she has just found out who he really is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hold, I have a used robot dog you can have. "Woof woof woof. Hello, I'm Rags. Woof, woof, woof."

I cannot express how messed up I am inside.

Last night I went to sleep early. Got up early. Went to the gym. Second day in a row. Never done that before. Felt OK, might do it again.

Got ready for work. Got in the car while Mrs. Hold was downstairs doing laundry, so no goodbye. She came running out with a list of photographers for S12's party. Then she leaned in for a "have a nice day" kiss. Clear she was looking for reassurance that we are still a couple.

It felt so wierd. All those years, that is what I wanted. That is what I yearned for. Now I feel sick when it happens.

I just want it to stop. I need to make it stop. Sometimes it feels like I want a divorce because I want the confusion to stop. I want it to be over so I don't have to keep wondering where it is going and when it will end.

I have been thinking about how to start the conversation after the kids leave for camp. I am thinking of asking her "where do you see us 10 years from now? When the kids are gone. And it is just the 2 of us. How do you see us relating?" And see what she says.

I haven't worked up the courage to say "I see us divorced". I can't picture myself saying that to her. But I can't picture the 2 of us enjoying each other's company, either.

Hold...

I feel for you. I feel for you both. She is clearly unhappy now, and you've been so as long as I've known you.

I know how scary a conversation like you envision can be. And I think until you have it, you'll feel uneasy and restless.

I don't know what to say, what advice to give. I know it took the very real threat of divorce for me to open my eyes to how damaging my behavior had been. I am hoping it will do the same for Mrs. Hold. On the other hand, she has a lot of personal issues that I didn't have to deal with. So she may not be capable of changing the way I did.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have no great wisdom for you. Just some thoughts.

I believe you are more afraid of confronting the MRS because you have put it off so long, you know when you put something off for 12 or 13 years and think about it every day it becomes scarier and scarier and bigger and bigger of an issue.

Here are some reasons you could be having trouble confronting her.

1. You are not used to confrontation
2. You are not used to confronting the MRS about things
3. You have "thought" about doing it for 12 years
4. You are afraid of the MRS reactions
5. you have been afraid of the MRS for years
6. You married the wrong woman and ignored this for years
7. There are other problems you have not confronted the MRS about also.
8. Confrontation is not your forte.
9. You have come a long way but this creates fear in you
10 You are afraid things might change
11. You are afraid after you confront, things will just stay the same.
12. Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear ,fear....

What I was trying to say is that you are perfectly normal for feeling as you do about talking to the MRS about these difficult issues. I had things I was afraid of and had to face so I know how hard it is.

Good luck!

I would write down a list of questions and role play them to yourself before your conversation with her. So you dont miss anything. It would be more frightening than a hard talk with the boss when he calls you into his office. But it is your WIFE! Even harder.

Mrs. Hold just called. Our firm is sponsoring an event next week to thank our good referral sources. I invited a couple of my contacts. One of them is attending with his wife, and he wants to meet me and my wife.

Mrs. Hold ordered a dress online last night. Today she is going to the outlet mall to see if she can find something she likes better. She said there are only 2 stores at the outlet mall where she has any hope of finding something flattering. She said "you know, it is very hard for me to find things".

I told her I appreciated her difficulty. And I said that I was looking forward to getting a fashion show tonight if she finds something. I held back on saying "you know, they are running a special at my gym. They are waiving the registration fee, so you can join and only pay the $15 per month." I figured reminding her that she can't find anything nice to wear because she is obese is too mean.

I will mention the special they are running at the gym. Just not while she is trying on her new dress.

Yes, don't mention the fact that she would find better clothes if she lost 75 lbs!

You could probably force her to open the subject, just through being withdrawn. Actually that might be your best bet if you are hoping for any chance of change on her part. If you open the subject - you are the plaintiff (or plaintive one). If you go on your merry way, relatively speaking, it will make her more likely to speak.

You have effectively been doing a 180 and it is starting to work. Maybe you're too burned for it to matter, but analytically I see it.

Hanora:

Thanks. Good point on strategy. New evidence this morning indicates you may be correct.

___________________

My experience w/ my H tells me Honora is correct.....You would be better off not being the plaintiff.

Nia and Hanora:

Good advice.

Mrs. Hold is apparently disgusted by her inability to find a flattering outfit for next week's event. Yesterday, she bought a yoga mat and signed up for summer yoga with the town's recreation department. We shall see if she follows through and attends the sessions.

I think she was also bothered by an e-mail her father sent. He is the family photographer. He sent an e-mail in honor of S12 graduating from elementary school. Pictures from S12's first year. I must admit that I have more grey hair in my beard than 12 years ago. But I look pretty much the same. Mrs. Hold looks like a completely different person today. I think it bothered her to see how much she has changed.

Anyway, I guess the 180 continues. I still have 26 levels of Armored Core 4 to defeat.

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Wow! This is the LAST place I expected anyone to peg the Geekometer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So, is this the first time that you've ever tried something akin to a 180 Hold?

Hey, keep it up. You are getting better at it. It is a soft and gently way to show her how you REALLY feel.

Why did'not she marry one of her other boyfriends instead of marrying you? Because of the money. And lifestyle she thought you would offer her that made up for her lack of attraction to you.

Her attitude is that once people 'grow up and marry" the drugs and sexual fun is over to be replaced by a nice home, unlimited money, and impressing the neighbors.

She gave up being attracted to a man (liking good sex) in order to NOT get what she gave it all up for: Money, a nice home, money, money, money, not having to work, impress the neighbors. And somone to be with who she is NOT attracted to who will be so weak as to not demand sex.

Of course she feels sad. Her bargain is not coming thru like she liked. It only worjed that year she stole all your money and spent like it was water. It is not working now. For her. She gave up the sexual pleasure she felt in the past for a wimp she could manage and control and who would pay for everything she wanted and needed.

I bet she feels she gave up a lot to marry you. But really it was no sacrifice, it was a trade. She traded passion to marry you. Mr Stability.

She eats to cover it up that her bargain failed. She is unhappy. She still does not become giving or warm. She ruined 4 lives by giving up her passions in life including lovemaking. Wow is she daft.

Huh? You didn't think geeks have marriage problems?

Anyway, saving up to buy the video converter card so we can display the PS3 in 1080i on the wall through a CRT projector. The PS3 doesn't output h+v sync in analog mode, so we need to output digital and then buy a box to convert the digital signal to rgbh+v analog (or maybe YrBrGr - I think our CRT can take either analog format). Should be able to get about 108" diagonal screen size. That would make enemy normals and nexts approximately human sized.


Yes, this is my first 180. Seems to be working better than kissing her feet or marriage counselling ever did.

I didn't even think geeks got married. He11, if wondered if any of them ever actually kissed a girl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Remember when William Shatner told those Trekkies to "Get a life!". LOL!


I think that would be an exercise in futility in all honesty. Converting from digital to analog is still essentially down-converting and you won't get true HiDef. Doesn't the PS3 have DVI or HDMI? At the very least, you will need to go with component cables for a true HiDef experience.

Or does the CRT not accept true digital input?


<----geek (little bit) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Sounds like it. How do you feel? Does it offer you even the slightest glimmer of hope?

That is sorta kinda the point. When you don't get many chances, you tend to take the ones you get. Not the best way to maximize odds of success.


Bingo! Actually, for several hundred dollars I think they make a card to update the CRT to accepts digital input. But I only paid $54 for the CRT (old model), so I can't see spending hundreds to update it. The signal converter box is under $100, so we will probably go that route for now.


I wouldn't know what Hope was if she ran into my office and French kissed me.

I do not feel empowered or in control. I am not being how I want to be. But when I act the way I want to act, I get taken advantage of. So I can either stifle myself or watch myself get trampled. This way feels marginally better. But far from good.

I can't imagine that Mrs. Hold is going to want to talk about our situation anytime soon. She knows what I want. If she comes to me to ask for more time together, she is going to have to offer something from the "Big 3" - sex, job or weight loss. On the other hand, that proves that Hanora and nia are correct. I should not initiate the conversation. Until Mrs. Hold is ready to offer something from the Big 3 for her own reasons, we have nothing to talk about.

So if my plan is to 180 until she "cracks", I think I will be doing 180 until the kids go away to college. But since we know I am Eeyore, it probably isn't as bad as all that.

Hmmm... Unless the CRT is absolutely ancient, I would recommend going with S-Video if it accepts it. The difference in signal quality between that and down-converting would be negligible IMPO.


Always with the innuendo Hold. Are you sure you're an attorney?


Would you consider a 180 with feigned confidence? Show her not only that you're cold to her, but also what she could be missing? Not really a Plan A. You don't have to kiss her feet, but you can make yourself more attractive to her, whilst not letter her have any of it. Sort of a carrot and stick approach.

Perhaps not a reasonable one, but just thought I'd throw it out there anyway.

On another note, I wonder if I'll actually get any work done today... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Very good suggestion. That is what people have been telling me to do for years. Would probably work if I could pull it off. Even if it didn't entice Mrs. Hold. Would help me feel better and give me a support network to help with the inevitable divorce.

I can't / won't do that. Don't know how to feign confidence. Don't have any interest in doing anything that would interest Mrs. Hold. And don't have lots of money to spend on having fun doing things that would make Mrs. Hold jealous.

I have tried to join groups and make friends. My signing up seems to be the kiss of death for whatever group I am interested in. Even Mrs. Hold's monthly book club broke up right after I proposed having a parallel club for the husbands. I mean, they met for years. As soon as I said "how about the husbands get together?", two of the gals decided they couldn't stand one another and the book club disintegrated.

She isn't missing anything. And she knows it.