The test to know if your mind and heart are in sync is when you don't feel that tug to give into the WS. It is more your heart getting in sync with your mind. You really need a strong mind.

How long did I plan B? For about 2 weeks the 1st time. False recovery set me back to plan B.

I can't say I did plan B right. What I can say is I kept plan B in my back pocket and learned to whip it out as needed. As tough as I sound, I am quite a softy. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Yea, I've been called a lot of cruel names (i.e. Hitler, husband and child abuser, etc.) but that's because I stand up for what I know is right and the more I learn, the more I implement. I also know my learning curve will go on for life and I look to learn.

L.

i talked Dh breifly today to inform him that our daughter was sick. she has a very nasty stomach flu. so needless to say i have been worn out with working and nursing her all day and of course cleaning the mess. his attitude was like oh okay dont bother me. i told him that if she didnt started to keep fluids down i was going to take her to the emergency room. his response was okay. i tell you he is like day and night. last week he wouldnt stop calling me this week he acts like he dont have the time to talk to me.
when i was out getting a few items at the store i ran into a good friend of mine that i use to date a long time ago. we got to talking and he could not believe that Dh had did that. he said that he must be got hit in the head and got the sense knocked out of him. he said especially for OW( he knows her father who has been in and out of jail alot for drugs) he was asking about my daughter and how she was doing with this. i told her it is emotional roller coaster for both of us. we ended our conversion and give each other a hug. he ended up giving me his phone number and even told me dont hesitate to call him if i need anything. when i walked away i felt so guilty. why should i feel this way? it was like i was sneaking behind my DH and talking to this guy. who by the way is a really sweet guy. it is times like that i get so mad at him and myself for doing this to us.
i mean he is living with OW and i speak to a guy in the store and i feel like i have the scarlet letter on my chest!!!!
maybe i am just wore down from me being sick last week and now my daughter being sick and i havent really slept that much this week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Don't feel guilty. You met someone who cared enough to show it. Be careful but still it is alright to accept care.

Btw, I would let the WS know. It irks them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

i know i shouldnt feel guilty for anything when it comes to him. today i found out that OW does not want to move into our old house that they was out looking at other houses for them. now if he is so miserable and saying he loves me wouldnt you think this would be his time to break it off with her. but no he is like obeying her every command. it makes me sick sick sick. why does she get everything she wants? she didnt earn nothing!!! it was me all these years working with him to get what we have. i know i have my own house and he did help me get it but i am struggling monthly to make ends meet and he is off giving her everything!!!!!
he has been good about giving me my child support but still why would he want to talk to me all the time and say that he misses me and our family and turn around and go get a house with her!!!!!! i know i am letting off some serious steam but i am so mad, sad and frustrated with everything. then i feel guilty for speaking to a guy what the HE!! am i thinking. he lays in bed with her every night. okay okay i am shaking my head i have to get rid of these anger feeling but how i think i am doing so good then i find out these little things and it has me going crazy... why??????????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

the part him saying that he loves me the whole time since the affair first started. nc is kinda of hard right now considering we are planning our daughters 16 bday party. but i am thinking that after that i am going to have to go to that. i have been going thru emotional week i dont know if it because our aniversary is right around the corner and i have it my mind that is the turning point and things will change one way or another. or i am completely stressed from our daughter being sick and not sleeping any. i dont know just the thought of her just makes me sick!!! my daughter does get along with her kids which in a way i am glad but in yet in another way i feel she should be mad as heck where she dont want to speak to none of them. i know that sounds so wrong and i know being mad is not the answer to anything but i just cant stand it that she thinks(ow) that she is a princess. and that they have each other at night and i have no one. gosh i sound awful dont i? i dont know maybe the lack of sharing love and with someone and companionship is getting to me i dont have no one because i feel guilty about even speaking to guy let alone going out or anything else. i think i am seriously drained the way i am babbling about things. you know i could still sleep with my husband if i would allow it. so their relationship cant be that solid huh? sometimes i do think about it just to get her mad but i think i am lowering myself to do something that i know it is not right even though he is still my husband and she didnt consider that before she slept with him i guess i have more morals than that.EWWWWWW!
i guess i am not making much sense tonight huh? maybe i will be better today after some sleep!!! sorry for the babble <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

update:
i feel somewhat better. i am not venting like i was last night. i managed to get a good 5 hours sleep today so that helped alot. then i didnt talk to him either. i just wasnt in the mood. he called the house phone twice and my daughters cell phone twice. i told her just say i am asleep if he wants to talk to me. he said well have to call me once she gets up. i never did. i dont think i will talk to him all weekend i think i need a break from the drama for awhile. i guess i know that i have done everything i could to get him to see what he is missing and he sits on the fence most of time he wants both of us and i just cant live with that anymore. the thought of them together is more sick to me now then it was when i first found out about the affair. has anyone else felt this way? i know it is that roller coaster ride again and it feels like i am going thru the dark tunnel. i just want off!!!!
i just want to get this in my past and try to move forward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

i know i have decided to not to talk to him unless it is a extreme measure. i seen him friday and gave him a few items that have been in my jewelry box for awhile and when i tried to give them to him before he kept saying hold them for me but i think friday was my turning point i am tired of being the person who is nice and keeps bending to please everyone. i dont like to argue but i am tired of letting everything build up where i get myself so down that i dont like myself for doing that. i guess the whole looking for a house thing with OW has me to where that if he is doing that why should i still be so nice. when i dropped off those items i told him that i will not be contacting him unless it is an emergency with our daughter and i would prefer he would do the same. i also told him since he has decided to build a life with OW she better start looking for a job with health insurance because november i am taking him off. if we are not going to be together why should he get my benefits. i told him i know that he needs it for his health wise so that is the reason i have left him on there so that would be plenty of time. then he was saying what is going on why are you doing this? i said why am i doing this that is a crazy question to ask me since i am not the one leaving with someone else. i am the person who stays at home on the weekends because i feel guilty for thinking about going out with friends i am the person who feels guilty that if i talk to some other guy i feel like i am the cheater. but i cant feel that no more i have to start living my life i guess you have chose to do the same without me so now i have to get my life together and stop sitting at home waiting for you to come to me. he said it is not what you think it is between me and OW he said i think about you alot and i think it should be you there instead of her.it should be you sharing my time with. he said i dont go no where i am home on the weekends because i dont feel like i should go anywhere. i said you know what if you really felt that way you would not be living with OW you would be with me. this would be the perfect separation between you guys but yet you still choose to be with her and been looking at houses for you guys. i can not be your emotional support any more. i love you but i cant stand back any more and act okay about everything. i cant kidd around with you when it comes to this. i am so deeply hurt over this that my conclusion is not choose to be in it any longer. if you decided that you want to break it off with her completely and you want to save our marriage then call me but if not i appreciate that you wouldnt. when it comes to our daughter i will be as civil as i can and social events involving her as well but other than that i will not be contacting you and i will leave you alone.
he just stood and look at me and kept saying why are you doing this? i told him that i loved him and i had to go. so i didnt talk to him any till of course today he called me about 5 times because we were having problems with the car insurance and i had to straighten it out and then i had the insurance company to do a policy of just my suv and the house so i dont have to be involved with it anymore of his problems.
i hope i did the right thing. but i do have to say i dont feel as edgy has i have been. the less i know about them the better off i will be.
please pray for me to get thru this at times i just feel so lonely and that i feel that i will never get thru this. i know this is normal but i tell i dont feel normal at times!!

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

thank you for the encouragement i sure need it. i didnt have no contact with him today. he tried but i spoke thru my daughter it was concerning her birthday party we are planning. i hope he realizes what kind of mistake he has made. i know that sounds sorta mean over the health insurance i do wish him good health but how is he going to feel what he is missing if he dont miss it? i love to see her get a job with that considering she didnt graduate high school and jobs are tough now.Dh did pick up our daughter today for a couple of hours well it was for her to pick out furniture which he promised when we moved now it is a birthday present.then he tried to put me on the spot because i have a family room in my house so he was trying to have me give that to my daughter for her room and he will give her money instead. i told my daughter that i have my house done i like the way that it is and this is something he promised to do for her so let him buy it. that was just a play to make me look bad. but again why should i do all the bending. if he has 1200 dollars to spend for rims for his car ( yes that is correct 1200) then he has money to spend on her. he promised alot of things and fell thru on a bunch of them. i am tired of trying to make excuses for his actions. i want him to start suffering like i have been( i know that sounds bitter) but truely he has had the best of both worlds. so now she has to be his everything because i can not be in the mind playing game anymore. as much as it hurts me and it feels like i am tossing in the towel i have to have my sanity and this is the only way i feel like i can do it. the less i know the better off i will be. if and when he grows up he can call me but until then he will have to deal with everything he put into motion i did not start none of this. i sound evil tonight huh? i feel that i have done everything i can do and that it has yet to make a difference so i am done. i love him but he cant love me if he is with someone else. i will have to get things in order in my life. i am going for my aniversary and getting a tatoo to cover up his name so i dont see it either. it is just another reminder. thank goodness it is small but it is still there.
am i doing the right thing? i know i seem like i am always second guessing the decisions that i make but i have never ever went thru anything like this.
i love this website and i love all the members on here for the support that they give each other. God Bless you all and thank you!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I took the WS off my insurance policy. Waited for him to come sign the papers but he stalled. He also asked why would I do such a cruel thing. HA! Idiot. I replied similar to what you said and then when he refused to get the paperwork, I delivered them to his truck when it was parked in front of the OW's house. I even asked one of her neighbor's to witness it, as I put the documents in his truck. LOL!!!! I was scared when I did but have no regrets.

As for your daughter, tell her to buy what she wants and make sure she asks for a nice comforter set with sheets to match. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The more the Ws has to spent on his children the less there w/b for the OW and the OW will hate it. That's a good thing. He owes it to his children anyway and you should not be his cushion in this sense.

Stand your ground. U R doing good. I know it is hard, so here is an {{{MB Hug}}}. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

thank you for the tattoo idea.
it has been a hard holiday today. i know i should not let it get to me like i do but i just get down when it comes to days like this. my daughter went over to my sil for easter. and she told me OW bought her a cake and they had a little party for her there. i got so ill. she had took her digital camera over there and i was going thru the pictures she took a bunch of the baby. there was about 3 of DH and OW not just by themselves but they was in the picture. i finshed looking thru the pictures and handed her the camera back and told her that they were nice and i went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. there was a picture of OW and Dh and her kids in front of the house that they are getting. then i just dont get it. okay earlier today before dh picked up our daughter he called i told her to get it but she was getting dressed and i picked it up because i know he was calling for her to tell her a time he would be there. when i said hello he said i was hoping you would pick up so i could wish you a happy easter. he said are you cooking i said yes. then he asked about the dogs and then he said i hope you have a happy easter! tell her i will pick her up in 25 minutes. now what was that bs about? i hadnt talked to him for about 3 or 4 days. like i said i would not have picked up if it hadnt been that he was suppose to pick her up. when she came home they (dh and OW) had gotten her a easter card and of course she was the one who signed it i swear i could have just ripped it in a million pieces but instead i told my daughter that was nice of your dad. i had to get up and wash my hands it felt like i had scum on them.
am i overreacting to things like that? is that normal? i feel like i am bitter that she has him and i am not letting go quietly. i told him that i dont want to talk to him unless it is about our daughter. i tell since i found out about the house drama i have been really ill when it comes to him. i have been so angery that i have been sick..then here is the topper okay i told you about my daughter taking pictures on her digital camera. well i know i checked my sil my space and low and behold there was one of my DH and OW and guess what it says "my brother and his wife" it felt like i have a deep butcher knife in my back. my sil has done nothing but complained about her and now she has that posted. i felt so betrayed!!!! i know that is her brother and just yesterday she was complaining about how controling OW is and now she has this posted. i dont know what to do.... sorry Easter was just not that pleasant for me. i feel so alone.......

I am sorry your SIL is being a jerk.

OW's smell, they stink and will have that stench until they STOP being an OW. If the OW marries the WS, she will still stink.

The OW can cover it up all she wants, but the stench lingers and seeps through all her belongings.

Stay up wind from the stench. Be safe.

Did the WS marry the OW?

L.

no
we are still married. we havent even filed for divorce. she is still married to her husband. i just cant believe my sil did that. i know she will be calling me this week some time i just dont know if i should mention it or not. i tell i am just sick sick sick of everything!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

When SIL contacts you let her know you were offended by her definition of W. Let others know also. Exposure is a sure way to show off scum. If she apologizes, let her determine how she will make it up to you. She owes you big time for this blunder.

L.

oh i had a lovely day today i got a call from OW. she said i just wanted to let you know that the plate of food that you sent was trashed. i said what are you talking about? she said yesterday when you sent DH food when he picked up his daughter. i said first of all i didnt send it, second of all my daughter made the plate of food for her dad and she was on the phone with him when she did it. i said so if you think you was throwing it a way to offend me your are wrong! however if Dh is not aware of the deed that you did you might be the one in trouble. i said you need to get over yourself! and i hung up the phone. then i think 2 hours later i seen that Dh called but i didnt answer but my daughter did so i dont know excatly what the conversion was between them but she didnt seem too happy. i didnt pry because what they discuss was between them but i would like to know i know she might tell me tomorrow once she is better. i think she is seeing what kind of control OW has on her dad. you would think i would have at least one day of peace. it is none stop. i am surprised she didnt have one of her relatives to call me and relay the message to me. that is her usally way of communcation. i was mad all day i know it is her just trying to get to me but in a way she does but it makes me so mad that he would let this woman control him the way that she does. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Time to expose. Let your daughter know what the OW has done. Then let the WS know also. Be very angry that the WS has let a creature like the OW hurt your child.

Let the WS know that the OW did not hurt you as much as she has hurt your daughter. As a father he s/b ashamed of who he has been associating with.

Log this info, you can use it when it goes to court regarding child custody.

L.

Dh i guess told her and what she heard of my end of the conversion she put it together. i guess he made OW get on the phone and say she was sorry for doing that. my daughter asked her what difference if it was her that fixed him a plate of food or her mom it is just food. the OW didnt answer her. then you know what DH does to try to make things smooth he said well how much to you have saved for the WII system that you want she was like 25 dollars shy of the amount he told her he would take her to get it and give the remaining amount so she could buy it. but she had to call to find a place that has them and of course every place is sold out. it just makes me mad that he smoothes everything over with money and right now he knows that money is tight with me because i havent had any overtime at work so i dont have the extra money. i know his day is coming and money will not always smooth things over he should know that on the way his own dad is with him. oh well karma is a funny thing what goes around comes around i just hope it gets him. ( oops there i go sounding like a bitter wife again!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />