he has been living with her since around sept of last year. no we still havent mentioned divorce. i am sure she has to him numerous of times. my sil told me that OW has been talking to 1XW on the phone and trying to get all the information she can on me. i told my sil let her and that just proves that she knows that their relationship is not solid with Dh. she is threaten by me. she knows his feelings are still there for me.

i have made a list before. i know DH is really a very nice guy or use to be. the person he is now is nothing what we were before this. i think that is the reason why people that knows us cant believe that it happened to us. they even made a comment on his health and how he is not the same happy person that he use to be. i told them i felt that i did all i could do. the ball is in his court.

they said they fully understand and they admire me for the civil relationship we have tried to have. because of our daughter. i just get tired of fighting all the time.

i even had a long talk with my mom today about what she says in front of my daughter because when she says something about dh my daughter eyes start rolling. i told her no matter what that is her father and nothing can change that. she is old enough to make her own descions about everything that is going on and she can see what her dad has done. but when you say things that causes her to defend him and causing anger feelings towards you. i said that i know that dh has made her mad but it really boils down to that it is between me and him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

of course she started crying on me and that made me feel worst. because i was trying to say it as nice as possible. i told her that it feels that i am in the middle of everyone and i am trying to keep the peace and i cant do it. and when things are going quiet then something is said that dont needs to be and it causes the whole hurt feelings to come back and i cant do it no more i have to start healing and i cant if i am trying to be the peacemaker.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


sorry i was rattling off.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

today was has been a down feeling day i dont know why. i think it is getting closer to our A-day and it is bringing me down. i know i cant control what has happened but i still second guess myself about everything. i wish the date will hurry and pass and maybe my mood will lift some.

my mom seemed okay today. i hope what i told her she dont think i am coming down on her. it was not the point of our conversaion.

Dh called 2 times today. once while i was sleeping( i work nights) and ask my mom did i call she told him not that she know of i was asleep. then later i was messing with the lawn mower and he must of been talking to my daughter because he called about 45 minutes later wanting to know if i need any help on getting it started. i said i was fine i got it started and my grass is mowed... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

then my daughter and i was going to pick up pizza who did i see Dh. what is this? then my daughter told that the reason that we seen him was because where he is moving is right there. IT IS 4 STREETS over from where my house is!!! it is walking distance.... why? i am sure they could have found something not as close to me. i dont want to see them all the time!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

i know i know i shouldnt let it get to me. but the more i try to avoid them the more i see them...

i guess it was just one of those days that never end! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

the thought of moving is not even a option for me. the place that i live in i just bought in november. i couldnt sell it. and i dont want to. i love my house. besides my daughter still has 2 years of high school left and she does have alot of friends that come over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

i think i was being fair when i moved out of our home together and OW moved in. like i said before she probably did it. to try to boast. it is a little bigger than my house but like i said before it is not a home when you are not happy. trust me he isnt. and if she would tell the truth i dont think she is either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

my daughter told me she talked to OW son at school and he told her that OW and Dh fight constantly. i guess it was even said that the new move was to see if it will help their relationship because OW complained that she wanted a house of her own. ( no one forced her to move into my old one) i guess OW son said when summer comes he is moving back with his dad. he dont get along with his mom that well anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

i did not speak to Dh today. i am sure i will see him tomorrow he is suppose to be giving me money. i have not took him to court for child support and tell you the truth since he is self employed he will mail it when he wants any way. so far he has been pretty decent on giving me support money. i know that can change at anytime.

i am trying to make this as easy as possible for my daughter she loves us both. it was so werid today my daughter was so clingy to me today. and she ended up falling asleep with her head on my lap. she hasnt did that in a long time. it felt so nice. and it help me to know that no matter what she loves me. i know she does but sometimes i need reassurance with everything that goes on around me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

sorry i havent been on. i am in a mopey mood. weds is our aniv. i just been going down since the weekend. i have tried to keep myself busy with yard work. which is all new to me since Dh was the one who did all of that.

DH came by sunday to pick up pictures i had taken of our daughter. i could tell that his blood sugar was thru the roof and actually he should not have been driving. i made sit on the porch for awhile and told our daughter to fix him a glass of ice water. i just finished doing weeding and mowing grass. probably about half hour later he said he felt better and he better get home.

i notice a really nasty burn on his arm. it was about 4 inches long and a good 1 inch wide. i said what are you putting on that he said nothing that he didnt have anything. so i went in the house and gave him some gauze and some burn gel and antibionic ointment out of meds cabinet. i said that should last you till you can get somewhere to buy some more. he just looked at me and i could tell he was tearing up and he said thanks and left.

he called me this morning and was talking about that he will pay someone to have these trees removed for me( they are really to big for the house i live in) and then he said by the way thank you. i said for what? he said for caring about me. he said dont you know i went home and was in the bathroom putting the stuff on my arm and OW walked in and asked where did i get that and i told her that you gave it to me till i get some for myself. he said that we got into a big fight and she was saying that i should have did that she should be the only one taking care of him.

i said okay. i have have one question did she go to the store to get more meds and supplies and he said no. i said well if she would have done that to begin with you would not needed mine.

then he went on saying well you know what weds is dont you.(like i havent had a clue!!) i said yes he said we will be married 9 years. i didnt say nothing. then he said many more to come after that. I ABOUT DIED!!!! i said excuse me. i said you are living with OW how could we possibly stay married? i cant do that. he told me that he loves me and he dont know what he is doing. now he is got himself in something that he feels that he dont know how to get out of.

i told him that you are a grown man and you will have to do this on your own. and that i am not going to be hanging on in the corner somewhere. i am going to have to move on if things dont change. i cant live my life like this. he said i know i know. i am so sorry for hurting you.. he said you amaze me all the time. about how you care about me even after all the pain i have put you thru. you always ask about my health and if i am taking my meds. he said i am truely so sorry for everything.

that was the end of our conversion. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? do you think the guilt is killing him? of course i was in tears by the time we hung up and i just cried my eyes out afterwards because i didnt want him to hear me cry.

i am trying to stay strong but i just feel down this week i want it to hurry and pass!!!

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

funny you should mention flowers he always sent me a big bunch on that day. i would have a red rose for every year we was married. i dont know if he will do that or not this year.

i have ask him numerous times what does he want from me. i cant give him his emotional support while he gets his phyiscal from her. i am very concern for his health. i know that he has made the situation and he is the one that is suffering bad with his health. i know i shouldnt feel guilty but some days i do. i second guess should have fought harder or maybe i didnt show him enough attention and we wouldnt be where we are at. i know i know it is not my fault. he is the one who cheated but everything runs thru your mind alot.

even more so this week because of the aniver-day i just hope my strength will come back to me after this week i have been feeling pretty strong lately i hope this is just a temporaily setback. pray for me. i really need that ex strength to get thru this week......

bsj,

Your post sounds soo eerily similar to mine. I could feel the well of emotions you must be feeling. It is spilling through your posts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Not a bad thing.... just wanted you to know.

It is good he is confused. A confused WS is a better than an arrogant one. LOL!!!

It was a nice thing you did and here's the key..... no matter what you do the OW will hate you. Yet she hates the Ws because she really doesn't care about him. In the long run it is still about her more than caring for him.

So you be nice as much as you can but do it to and for your H not the WS. It is ok to ask which character he is displaying and then if you recognize your H, be nice to him....when he morphs to the WS (which they can - sometimes in seconds), you learn to adapt and switch gears.

Work on it. Practice a few reverse babble in case the WS makes an appearance the next time you communicate.

I know you are hurting but I think you are doing fine considering. Your heart and mind seem to be getting in sync. Can you tell? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Btw, you've got a good supporter with BB. She's watching out for you and that's a good thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,

thanks for letting me know that what i feel is normal.
it is after midnight so i guess it is a beginning of a long day.(aniversary)i personally just want to hide in bed all day and not come out of my room till tomorrow. but i have too many things to do so that is not option.

i dont know what to expect from DH today. Orchid it is like you said he can flip in a instant. sort like the character from Batman where he is split down the middle and he never knows which one will come out good or evil.sorry i cant think of the name right now(in the movie Tommy LEE JOnes played him)

i hope i can make thru this day without a breakdown or some sorts.just thinking about it makes me ill. OW makes me ill. just her name alone sends me in a rage. i know that i need to stop letting her get to me because it is just in her mind that she thinks she has him. if she did he would not be saying so much to me. if he was fully commited to her.

i just need you guys to keep me in your prayers today. i need all the extra strength that i can receive to get thru this one!!
hugz to you!!!!!!

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

i would say that would be impossible!
she has him on lockdown! i dont know if she knows our aniversay date or not if she did he probably wouldnt be allowed out of the house or she would be joined to his hip all day.

but i have told him a couple of weeks ago my feelings and i know i have to refresh his memory i am trying to sort everything out in mind. which right now is not in good shape my thought process isnt working properly. i am hoping after this week i will be back on track. i know i shouldnt use this date as a excuse for getting off of the track but sometimes i still cant believe this is happening and i am in a bad dream and i am going to wake up and see that it was!!
i know wishful thinking... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well it's your anniversary and if he ain't around to celebrate it, then you go do something positive. Nothing will irk an OW more than to see the BS enjoying herself. LOL!!

I recall the OW (PBR - psycho babble rabbit) wanted to see me in constant pain. Constant. When I was able to tolerate the pain, kick it back and show some happiness....it drove her more nutz (she was already psycho.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ).

Of course it may make the Ws sad to see you celebrating. Go to dinner with friends and a fun person or 2. Make a big deal of it.... go to a spa with a good friend. Let him wonder if he were with a guy or a bunch of friends.

That discord will rip a ripe one between the WS and OW. Love it!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

bump

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Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

sorry i just wrote a big long summary of my week and it didnt post. i dont feel like re type it again tonight.
but i am okay and thanks for thinking of me.
hopefully i can get back on tomorrow night and tell about this past week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
hugz
bsj220