Can someone point me in the right direction on exposing to the work place? I want to get out the facts the best I can without sounding like a lunatic like I'm sure that she will portray me as. Also..should I contact OM?

Tough S*hit, I want to win the lottery, but chances are it is not going to happen. She should have thought this over and had her ovaries removed at 18 if this was the lifestyle she wants to immerse herself in. She had responsibilities now and isn't a damn teenager in heat or maybe she is. Either way, make it clear that the lifestyle comes without you, the children, money, support, etc.

Write a letter stating simply the facts about the affair, its effect on your M and your family. Appeal to them to sepearate the affairees, ethics, employee handbook regs, etc. Go ahead and address the fact that your WW and OM will likely lie about this and try to portray you as a lunatic. State the the condition of the M was good before the affair started and your WW was not who she is today. Thank them for whatever help they can offer you.

Send the letter certified mail to the HR manager, copying your WW and OM's bosses.

Would an email work or is a registered letter the more effective solution? I think that registered letter is a good move legally.

Send a registered letter that requires a signature by the receipient (at the bottom of the letter CC: John Doe, attorney at law, file)

Good Morning. Well...a couple of interesting twists & turns. I feel as though I'm left with no other resport than to expose at work, and that will probably happen tomorow.

It has been a bit strained over the last few days. MC on Thursday was complete waste of time & money. WW wants to keep pushing the D. Yesterday, she did her usual routine of spending money on herself, which included more bras & panties coming into the house. So, yesterday I concluded that I have nothing to lose by blowing her out of the water at work.

This morning...was a real mind twister. Has been 2 mos. since WW and I have had SF. I crawled in bed with her this AM and the sparks started. Very hot, very passionate...unlike anything over the last years. Twice no less. She was very charged up, very into it. I'll spare additional details. Afterwards, she made a comment along the lines of, "See...that's what everyone says, there's sex after divorce because you don't have all that other garbage to deal with." My reply was simply, "We aren't divorced". She also said something along the lines of "That'll teach us to go 2 months without sex." and then asked me, "Do you feel better now?" I said "Do you?"...she wouldn't answer the question, and then said "I guess a little...you know me, I don't think about a whole lot, I just do it."

So...I know that I could misinterpret what just happened as a good sign, but i know that it probably isn't. In fact, I think that it may be an indicator that her A has gone from emotional to physical, and that this may have been the comparison on some level.

Any thoughts? Thanks.

My thought is that you will drive yourself CRAZY trying to figure out what it means. Instead just sit back and enjoy the fact that there was some SF.

Expose at work. But be sure to get some popcorn first, so you can hunker down while she goes ballistic.

HG I have to say I hate to do this but it seems to be the only thing you respond to and it is why your wife has lost respect for you. You need to man up and stop acting like a mouse. Your wife obviously likes assertiveness and you are not being assertive. Be a man and do what you have to do to keep your family together. You have to stop being passive and making empty threats. I have learned via my kids that they do not work unless you back them up with action.

I hate to sound like a b(tch but you need someone to firm with you. Where are MEDC and Jim when you need them. Stop punking out if you want to regain her respect. I know because of the women's movement man don't think women need them as much so they let the woman take the lead. I have to say as a strong woman I want to have a strong man beside me and I believe you wife feels the same way. I know I have seen this on this board more than a few timew the WS finds the BS attrative when the appear confident and bold. You my friend need to do this.

Hey what do you know I have delivered my first 2 X 4. Hope I didn't sound to harsh. I have noticed you have never responded to my post in the past but even if you don't this time I hope you take what I say to heart and do what you have to, to say your DD a ton of pain. She needs mommy and daddy together.

honestguy,

Personally, I really don't know much about your story, but I saw someone called me out here to give you some advice, so I'm going to give it.

QUIT BEING AFRAID OF YOUR WW! She knows that she can manipulate you. This whole sex thing was probably for two reasons:

1) To keep you from exposing.
2) To convince you that you'll get more sex if you just divorce her.

I'm of the Harley school of thought that you expose to EVERYONE you can that she would not want to know. This will piss her off. So what?!? She needs to learn that she can't control you. My WW told me it was over when I exposed. Well, FIVE DAYS LATER she agreed to NC with OM (which she obviously had trouble with because she was an addict). You need to continue to snoop despite her constant protests, and defend your boundaries against her wayward behavior. At the same time try and meet her ENs for conversation (excluding all R/M talk), and whatever else she'll allow you to meet. But do not let her manipulate you. This is a battle of wills and yours needs to win out. She wants you to divorce her, so she won't be the bad guy. Well, she'll eventually wear you down if you continue to put up with her crap. Don't let her pull her crap. I don't know about your OM, but I would find out as much about him and expose and disrupt his life in as many ways as possible as well. Don't make it worth his while to pursure your WW. Tell his parents, spouse, whomever you know. Get tough. Your WW may be angry, but she'll learn to respect you. That is your biggest problem right now.

hg, part of the problem is that you have grown completely detached. Sleeping apart does not help that. WHY are you sleeping apart? Did you ever read the book I told you to get, Fall in love, Stay in Love? Have you done anything in it?

Hi, honestguy.

Quote:
==============================================
So...I know that I could misinterpret what just happened as a good sign, but i know that it probably isn't. In fact, I think that it may be an indicator that her A has gone from emotional to physical, and that this may have been the comparison on some level.

Any thoughts? Thanks.
==============================================

I haven't followed your story, so if this has been covered, then please accept my apologies.

I hoped you used some form of protection against STD's. I also hope that you realize that a condom does not protect you from some STDs.

If you didn't use protection, then you had sex with a woman whose parts may have recently been places unknown to you.

It is your choice on whether to have sex with your wayward wife or not, but understand this, you ARE gambling with your life. I love sex, but I don't personally believe that it is worth dying for, same thing for a marriage.

Please check your priorities.

God bless,
Gimble

HonestGuy,

Stop wasting your time trying to work out the meaning of anything your WW does. It is futile.

You need to work YOUR program regardless of what she does.

At the moment you REACT to everything and waste energy on it. ACT, don't react.

And I have only read this last page but got called out to post by Dig.

Thank you Big K for stepping in. Is it me or has anyone else notice that Elvis has left the building?

Thanks for all of the responses. No, Elvis has not left the building. The last couple of days have been very hectic. Here's a draft of my work place exposure letter. Feedback appreciated...

My name is HG...I am Mrs. HG's husband. I wanted to alert you to the fact that I have discovered that my wife is pursuing an affair with one of your employees in the xxxx terminal...Mr. X. This had begun originally in March, but her original "fixation" was another rep from xxxx, Mr. Z. I had discovered originally what were some flirtatious emails between Mr. Z and Mrs. HG, and knew they were planning to meet when Mrs. HG decided to go on the bus trip to the casino in Niagara Falls. There was nothing really specific in the emails, and from what I can tell, Mr. Z's and Mrs hg's "meeting" was uncomfortable at best. I don't think Mr. Z really was interested or vice-versa. However, while at the casino, and because of the uncomfortable situation, Mrs. HG spent the day with Mr. X. She apparently confided in Mr. X that her marriage to me was rocky, apparently told him we were getting divorced, which was untrue, and I think that he was willing to "console" her. After Mr. X had expressed an interest in Mrs. HG after the bus trip, they had begun discussing "hooking up". Keep in mind that she had gone on the trip to meet one man, but found another, and by week's end was entertaining the idea of "hooking up" as was evidenced in emails between the two. On April 6th, Mrs. HG booked a hotel room via Hotels.com, presumably to spend the weekend with Mr. X at later date which I would assume was the weekend of April 14th & 15th. I am assuming that she accompished this on her work computer terminal. As time has gone on, their contact has become more apparent, and frankly, more brazen, with him leaving her messages on her cell phone. I'm unclear as to their status at this point, but it has become obvious to me that quite a bit of contact occurs between the two of them during company hours. I'm also making the assumption that they have indeed "met" here recently, and I would assume you would know of any vacation time she has taken in recent weeks. My guess would be that they speak on the phone reguarly, email via company email, and probably communicate via a web email account...all of which is done during working hours...on Company's dime and computer system.

It is my hope that you may have an inapproriate contact policy, could counsel them, or do anything in your power to separate the two of them. I would assume that there may be something within your corporate conduct policy that, at the very least, frowns on employees using Company's resources for personal communication, if not something specific to office affairs. Their interaction has caused an enormous amount of pain and discontent within our household, and while I am certainly bearing the brunt of that, our 10 year old daughter bears the brunt of it as well. I realize that Mrs. HG may try to paint me in a different light upon being approached with this news, and may portray our situation as being in the process of divorce, or that I am irrational. That is untrue. We are very much married. Yes, we have discussed the idea of separating, but that's as far as we've gotten.

Mrs. HG is a 51 yr old married woman with a 10 yr. old daughter. She and I have been together for 13 years. While we certainly have had struggles, like any married couple does, things have not been bad for us. Her behavior had started to change pretty drastically over the recent weeks which coincided with timing of her communication with this man. This affair that she is pursuing is in fact driving us toward the divorce. She has become withdrawn from our household, and is certainly not the same person my daughter and I have known all these years. Clearly, my major concern is for my daughter, as I am uncertain as to what Mrs. HGs intentions are. The fear that crosses my mind is that she does become involved with a man that lives out of state, jeoapordizing the stability of my daughter's home.

Reagrding Mr. X, character is an important trait to poseess personally and professionally. It's pretty obvious what kind of character Mark has, the character of a sleeze. What kind of MAN willingly engages a married woman with a child, husbnad, and a home, in some empty, meaningless affair? I think if I were his manager, I would wonder about what else he finds to be appropraite behavior. Apparently all bets are off when it comes to gaining something for his benefit, regardless of the pain it may cause others.

I'm simply a man with a family that is trying to preserve the importance of family for my daughter. Your help in this matter is greatly appreciated.


Thank you for your time and consideration.

I would take out all the above, hg. The last paragraph sounds like a cheap shot and you don't want to come across as jealous or embittered. You are simply relaying FACTS and your concern as a husband.

I would bring up NO MENTION of divorce or separation since it is absolutely irrelevant. Brining it up makes it look like it has been discussed and she can find cover in that. You are not seperated and divorce has not been filed. All of her talk in this vein has been empty blather. All they need to know is she is married and lives at home. If she starts using that as an excuse then she will look like she is rationalizing.

I would scale back dramatically on paragraph #1, just cite the relevant facts, such as "Mrs HG is having an adulterous affair with Mr XYZ. This bagan when Mrs HG spent the day with Mr X on 4-13-07 and later booked a hotel room xx........"

Good letter!

oh, thank goodness the MEN are here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the input ML. I don't know for certain that they have met. I suspect, but don't have confirmation. If they haven't, I'm fairly certain they are attempting to.

I guess my only concern with this letter is that she will be able to brush it off as a "we're just friends" type of thing, or that it won't be taken seriously by the company.

And that is just fine.

I guess that what you're saying by "fine" is the fact that it will be out in the open, and that puts the pressure on her emotionally / mentally? Embarassment?

Right. You don't know what will happen, but at the very least it will be in the open and will cause huge conflict in the affair. They won't feel as free to carry on at work when folks are alert to the situation. They can deny it all they want, but that means folks will be watching.