Hi horsey2,

I am sort of in your situation when you first left your husband. My son is 11 months old right now. I would think that after 2 years of this, you would've been in a better situation. anyway, I hope things get better for you. I hope that my situation doesn't drag out 2 years...

Also, I just really wanted to post and say PLEASE stop reading your husband's email. My husband sent me spyware so he knew everything I was doing on my home and work computer. Before that, he was able to hack into my email accounts. My husband always claimed that a husband and wife should not keep secrets from each other. While I totally agree with him on that, I do not condone 'spying' on your spouse. My husband would 'research' me a lot online. It really upset me and made me resent him. If your husband finds out you read his email he will probably feel the same way. I know it is tempting to see what he is doing/saying about you, but it really only makes you go crazy and paranoid. For your own peach and sanity, I really hope you stop.

Horsey2 - Codependency, a narssist will make you that way, you kind of get "use to" the dysfunctional relationship.

I give you credit for leaving him, but you haven't really let go..and believe me, I can understand hoping, wanting, the R to turn around. But, you have to realize it's not going to. As you have stated he is a manipulator and that's what he is doing to you now. He is manipulating you like he did all the prior/current woman in his life. It's what they do best.

For years (going on 4) I've wanted my WH, narsisst, control freak to come back to our M. I still tell people that I love him, but I don't know if it's love, codependancy,manipulation, my being use to the dysfunction or why I would want to reconcile with someone who has hurt me and so many others in his actions.

As for him bashing you, what do expect? Do you expect him to tell OW that he had this wonderful wife, child, M and that he F***** it up??? That he drank too much, that he cheated on you, that he smacked you around??? I doubt those truths will ever come out. He probably doesn't even remember half of what he did to destroy the M. The booze cleans their memory of their wrong doings.

I'm sure my WH told many OW that our M was over because of my horse and the time that I spent at the barn. For awhile and still somedays I believe that, but I also know in my heart that he cheated on me before I ever got my horse. He had me justifying his affairs. DUH.....

A bullshiter is just that. They lie so much, they believe their own lies. I wonder if we did try to reconcile how he could ever RESPECT ME, knowing what I know about his affairs and many OW.
Wouldn't it be disrepectful to myself to settle for a man that screwed just about anything for the sheer pleasure of deceiving me and getting laid????


What benefit are you getting from staying M to him? What are losing by staying M to him?

The only reason my WH is still living in our home is that he doesn't want to split everything 50/50. If he could walk out and not give me a dime he would have been gone long ago. Financially, I think he could afford to do this, but his lifestyle may have to change alittle. He like your husband thinks I deserve NOTHING...It's arrogance, plain and simple on their part.
He stays at his current gf's all week-end then comes back to our home because it's closer for him to get to work, that's the only reason. RIght now, he's planning and paying for a very nice tropical vacation for the 2 of them. We do not share finances, etc.

Luckily, we don't have children together. You do, so you need to get this d over with and you deserve to move on with your life. If he does decide to spend more time with your son (which I highly doubt) he was only painting a lovely picture of himself to this woman) so be it. It is his son, and he is entitled to that. He isn't entitled to keeping you waiting for him to change.

I understand your hopes, but you know the Garth Brooks song about Gods' unanswered prayers. God may have other plans for you and your son that you are more deserving of.

You are letting him consume you again, I've been there done that..it only cause pain for you, stop the pain..You have the power to do that..not him...

HUGS

Oh - and I remember when I met my WH (almost 15 years ago) he told me what a B**** his 2 XW were...Had I have been smarter that would have been a major redflag. So, what I am getting at is ALL (including me) wifes X or present are B***** - Gez, I wonder why?????

He called last night "crying"... oh he did the tear thing when I was dating him and broke up several times. He's quite good, a friend years ago said maybe it was something he learned to manipulate. I told him the other day that I was no longer going to just allow him to show up to see our boy whenever he wants, basically he's been looking for flight specials on Wed's and coming when or if there is one, giving me 2-3 days notice. Of course he has no consideration, and being a narrcisst if he is one, he's arrogant and thinks there's no life without him. Rather then listening to me he emailed again saying he may or may not come this weekend. I said NO that from now on he'll schedule in advance, I run a business and have a life, and things to do with my boy that we need to plan for. I meant it so that's the calling in tears thing.

And then the whining... oh, poor me, I don't know what to do. (he lives two states away and has for two years now)... if I move back there to be by my boy I wont' have a job and wont' have money, I'm already paying such and such a month for you and him. I have to stay here where I have a job but my family's not here. I explained to him "you don't have a family"... a family doesn't involve verbal and pysical abuse, drinking, cheating, internet porn, constant fights and a child can't grow up with this. Oh, it'll change he said (of course it's magic)... Well, it hasn't I told him, nothing has changed, he just waits for me to apologize for what he did and it's not going to happen, he's never even been sorry. He didn't see his child for most of a year out of the two years I've been going. Oh, how can we reconcile, he kept going on and on (and of course I couldn't say I checked his email and saw what he said about me to this slut).

Yes this is so completely disfunctional it's beyond belief, how can it be ok and be "different"? Why does he keep wanting to reconcile every time I get serious and say I'm going to divorce him? He knows with his income he's going to pay more in child support plus I will get part of the house and our assets... and yes since he's telling everyone I cleaned him out I'm not going to be nice about the money anymore. For goodness sake I backed out of the divorce and a crooked attorney that wanted me to go after alimony too - I'm self employed and dont' show much income so it will be rough for him. I suppose he's been a half way decent father since he's been showing up BUT if he really wanted to spend more time with his boy he would have taken the job he was offered for likely 10k less per year to be 45 minutes from us here - his whining about how he'll have no job! Truth is he doesn't want to be responsible, he likes just dropping in whenever he feels like it - gives him control right?

I'm just so sick of this, it's so completely pathetic that I've been holding on here. YOU WOULD THINK that a man raised right in a Christian home - who's had a bad track record would look at himself FOR ONCE and would make some adjustments realizing IT COULD BE HIM. But no, he's going to whine, cry, drink and go on being pathetic - being something he's not in public - and something else when the suit is off with his alcoholic buddies that seem to go back decades like this chick. I'm sure he was on the phone with her whining the other night, the emails stopped anyways. But to be bashed and trashed like this - for him to write about our marriage in such an insane way, filled with complete and out right lies - I knew he was BAD but actually I'm glad I saw his emails in BLACK AND WHITE....

It's fairly hard for a man to cry and try to make me feel sorry for him that he's paying oh so much ($500 per month in child support - he makes 100k per year, refused to pay a dime though for 1-1/2 years) when every man I've ever met has paid more, did give up some retirement and value in the house. I just can't believe he's saying I took off with everything, I didn't even take one piece of furniture. Now I know what a pig, pig, pig he is. I just can't believe it and of course he thinks he can call, throw in some tears, try to make me feel bad - I'm a nice enough person that it's worked in the past - I was nice enough to cancil the divorce and not clean him out. This round will be different.

And he's not stepping a foot in my house again either, lately I gave in and let him pick up my boy there, I didn't before, any sign he sees of "hope" that he can lure me back into this - or even keep it as a convenient marriage two states apart he'll go for it. I thought I might puke with his call last night - but my answer was "I have to go" and that will be about the extent of converations with him in the future.. if he calls the phone goes direct to my boy, if my boy wants to call him, the phone goes to him right after the dial. NO MORE. MY GOSH I just can't believe what a complete idiot I am. What is life a game to this man? Is one person right that with the alcohol he can't even remember the details of how horrible all of this is? I reminded him of the physical stuff - oh, it didn't happen that much (really, I told him, I have cell records to show how many times I called for help, and I'll use them in court when he dresses up and lies).

Gosh

Nope, I didn't move foward with the divorce.

I'm a wimp. I'm pathetic and it's true he can call, cry, manipulate just when I'm about to hire a new attorney.

It's just that I have some happiness here, going through a divorce fight with him won't be fun. How do I proceed? Obviously it's true, the man's not gonna change here, he's destroyed and destroyed, and he's 50 years old now, so he's had a long wasted life filled with this - two wives before me and a girlfriend.

How do I get the support to go through this? I met a woman at the mall who has a good counselor that helped her, ironically she was my age, married to a man 12 years older and divorced him so she knew some stuff... either way she said I need a counselor to see how healthy my boy is so my ex doesn't pull the unfit mother stuff that he used to threaten me with.

He said he wanted to go to church with me when he's in town on Sunday. I just can't believe it. Church. He grew up in church, said we'd go when we were married, we dated long distance, but he never went with me but once. Someone once said it works, women dragging their husbands to church, and some really change. But I don't think this man is worried about God, he's just good at doing what it takes to get me back, he's done it over and over again, so it's no wonder he doesn't think I'm firm about not getting back with him even if it's been two years and there's no sign of a relationship.

Ok, I did check his email and he's not emailing Ms. F Word woman... I can't imagine anyone using the F word in emails like she did when she hadn't seen him in 10 years, thinking she might find her new husband this way. I think he was lonely when he emailed her, exaggeraged for support, and really I don't think she's his type - but wait a minute, on the side she just might be, safe, away from his town where he's bank president, where he can keep "it" confidential... maybe so. Even better that she has a loser boyfriend and might want to hide him. Gosh. When I dated him I had no clue. Our first year of marriage I found cell records to his "just a friend..." She was a teacher from a Christian family in a small town and he mumbled something about how both of them were lonely and she kept "it" a secret. Since he wouldn't even give her name or tell me what she did until I cussed, screamed, yelled, drug him to counseling - it's obvious it wasn't just a friend.

Seems the man likes a second life. Counselor number one that I went to when I discovered his cell records, porn on his computer and etc... said men like "this" sometimes have second lives especially if there's been trips - and yes there was... trips to ballgames three hours away with the "boys." So now he's looking for ballgame tickets again, who'll be his company this time, boys? Gush the man makes me sick, why the heck can't I just divorce him. I get the reward for the most pathetic person on this site don't I?

Sometimes I think I'm not making progress but the truth is I have been firm with him, I keep everything cool, I don't let my guard down, I don't even hardly talk to him when he's in town - I don't know how he's got this reconcile thing in his head - although it shows that he's a narrccist doesn't it? He doesn't listen or have a clue... hey dude I don't even talk to you, you don't talk to me, what's the deal about reconciling? Magic, booze, what? Jeeze. At least I found a good church, I'm making new friends lately, I found a great new daycare for my boy, my business is doing well... it's just this man that I think about all too often that I can't seem to divorce.

Why can't he be what he claims to be - if he was the man who emailed psycho F word chick he'd be a great catch... but he's one sick fish, the type you throw back as quickly as possible, or at least you wack this fish on the head and leave him sucking for air. Not a keeper.

H,
I am very very recently divorced, and your story sounds alot like mine. We did our divorce ourselves, when we negotiated the seperation of furniture, I ensured I got the kids beds, their dressers, and a TV, that was it. She got everything else. I moved into my apartment planning on sleeping on the floor for months, no table to eat, nothing in the living room... my family made sure I had everything and furnished my apartment for me... a debt I hope to one day repay. I was the first one, in the history of my family, to ever get divorced. I learned a lot about divorce from being married to my XW, who came from a heavily divorced family. Her values on marriage are very weak, you get tired, you just move on. I learned some things, I want to pass on.

In divorce... the other party is always going to be the bad evil one. Families want to believe that their blood relative was the one who was wronged. It is just too easy to change a few aspects of the story, to turn your family and friends against the other one.

Another thing, when the spouse remarries, my X's family was very fast to turn the new relative against you.

My advice... lose the password. Logging in and checking his email is only preventing you from living your own life. It keeps you in his shadow, and prevents you from finding your own place in life./

Second, get the divorce over with. If you have to refile, refile. Get a lawyer, get child support, and maintenance. If he is seeing his kid every weekend, every other, he's not too involved in the kids life. Child support isn't some kind of penalty to who ever has to pay, it is designed to help support the parent with the kids most of the time, to allow them to have a better life. It's not about good and bad, right or wrong, it is about the kids.

Third, keep reminding yourself what kind of person he is. If you ever think he is manipulating you, trying to sway you into thinking something, stand your ground.

Your H, sounds as manipulative as my XW is. She cheated on me for over a year. While she was out with 2 other guys in this time, I was at home waiting up for her, taking care of the kids, bathing them, feeding them, cooking the meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, taking care of the dog, I DID EVERYTHING while she was out screwing the guy from her work. Once I found out, she turned her family and friends against me in the blink of an eye, told them I was abusive, controlling... lied to everyone, and all of a sudden when she was the one betraying me and the kids, I was the bad guy.

Get the divorce over with and move on with your life.
Stop looking through his email. It's tough, but you have to stop, it'snot doing you any good.


Hope I didn't rant too much.

Horsey: I know you are not reading about Narcissists because now what he is doing is called "Hoovering"...that is, trying to suck you back into his life. You are falling for every classic Narcissist trick in the book! All he wants is you to be around to provide him Narcissist supply...he doesn't care about you!
Please please read this site:
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/home.htm

We are giving you all the tools but you aren't using them or even opening up the toolbox!

Yeah, he called tonight and I gave the phone right to my boy - rather then taking me seriously he told my boy that him and mommy would come to his state to a business meeting in June. Really.

My best friend says of course he doesn't take me seriously because I haven't divorced him yet. it's been over two years since I left.

How does he get off on this? He called crying one day. Now it's quite obvious that he thinks it worked.

And of course I didn't call the attorney or go to the courthouse.

I get the most pathetic MB award of the year, or two years don't I?

Here it is in BLACK AND WHITE, I'm reading what he's saying and what he's doing - and it's worse ok? I just for fun checked out a singles site last night, pulled up his town - actually within 30 miles and ages +/- 10 years as I know he's a liar.

And there is was. Five years younger then he is. Saying he climbed up the ladder then moved to a small town - truth is he got fired over and over, was desperate and so was his employer, took a job in a small town in the middle of no where and is about to lose that too. He want's a nice girl and has oh so much to give. He cooks, cleans, is "Mr. Right" for any small town girl.

A counselor termed him a narccisst without meeting him two years ago before I left. I'd never even heard the term, and I researched it. And I suppose he fit the profile. There's a site with that so called expert I read on how to divorce a guy like this - I'll go reread it, because it's true they just don't go away. Do they? Best to blame ourselves to them, and follow techniques.

I run a business, maybe my divorce needs to proceed like a profitable project - I have project folders with all of the notes and paperwork inside and a list of actions to take with any import numbers/emails/etc right there all in one folder. David Allen's book on organizing is something I follow, just do one "next action" at a time if someething is overwhelming. Write everything down, keep the project file aside but focus on one small step at a time. I have a lot to do wtih my work, but if I look at it as just another project to manage - and try to disengage myself maybe it'll work.

Today I went to the library and checked out Spiritual Divorce, Good Divorce and a book about kids through a divorce. Isn't that one "next action" at least? You are right - as is my best friend, the guy thinks I"m a complete sucker doesn't he - a call with tears - and magically it goes back to the disfunctional separation that he seem to like. I don't get it. What's wrong with me that I play into him? Over and over again?

I also did speed reading of the book Too Good to Leave, too Bad to Stay, that's a good one for those in limbo - actually it's one I need to buy and highlight as he didn't pass a single test in the book... It's a very logical book for people who are "stuck" and can't figure out to stay or leave. If I really highlighted it and scored everything I wouldn't be anywhere near the man. Believe me he's had chance after chance after chance... And stats say according to this book once someone leaves the abuse, the game playing, the manipulation they are happier then staying miserably in this type of marriage. I have to believe it. As I have progressed to the point I can't imagine being back in that disfunction, I barely talk to him when he's here - does he really have no clue? I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to be around him? Does he not have a clue that I've grown and changed during this time or is he so arrogant to think I'll "wake up" and move back.

Sick man, sick man.

wannabophim - I think you might be right about this nar5cissism thing, I read through the articles on the site link you gave me, I've read about this Sam dude but it's been a long time since I reviewed it. It says that narcissists take the path of least resisistance, so he'll lie, cheat, con other women - and be constantly trying to "hoover" or suck me back into his life.

Tonight he showed up for an evening, night, tomorrrow am with his boy - he does this 1-2x per month now. I met him at a restaurant and he said "where's my kiss?" like nothing is wrong. The man is absolutely beyond me. He's trying to charm and do what he can and it's so disgusting to me. He has no intention of listening to a word I say - he's just waiting it out, being cruel and abusive - throwing in threats about my boy - while trying to use his charm.

I am so sick of this, it's obvious I need to get on with it and yes everyone is right, do everything I can to detach from this man. I've tried the "nice" divorce with him, it'll be impossible to go through mediation or to make agreements with him. That's what the Sam narcisst expert said, to hire an attorney, a counselor and start using the system. Until it's over once I refile I need to just refer him to the attorney. He's going to lie, manipulate and cry- that's what always gets to me the most and he knows it, the "poor me..." That's what he's doing according to his email to his "so called friends in low places" is whine and present himself entirely different - his story isn't even close to what really happened... he's a victim for goodness sake after he smashed and smashed me around for years in this marriage, and the last time with a baby in my arms.

Interestingly he said that men like this hate babies. He really went crazy after the baby. When I left he didn't even bother to see him but every 3-4 months. Refused a dime in child support until I finally filed for a divorce. Now he comes every month, now that he's almost three and I've done all of the work. He likes to charm the boy, and of course a kid this age is easy as he's so dramatic the way he flashes in and out of town. A counselor said if he can't control me he'll control through my boy. Even though he left the state there will be a guaranteed custody battle. I shouldn't have given him so much time to build a track record, of course I was just happy for my boy that his father was showing up as my boy is very happy about this - and really it seems that he's good with him, and they have fun.

I'll go insane trying to figure this out any longer. Yes I think he's trying to suck me back in... I am getting more and more independent and he can't stand it. He'd do anything for me to move to his small town in another state where I'd be without my business and would be stuck - and dependent on him. How sick that would be, I can just picture the daily ****** again. I've been there. I've been going to church, exercising, I'm going to look for a new counselor - got a lead on one the other day - and see about a divorce care group. It's obvious that I'll need support to get through this. But let's all agree, IT'S TIME. Someone was right, I haven't said a nice thing about this man - he's a fake, what he presents himself as and what he is are two different things... What a waste of a life. How sad for my boy. I'm just tired. But I think I can get the strength to get through this.

Thanks everyone.

Your husband probably doesn't like babies, but he knows that he can use the baby to keep you in his life...and the baby can be a source of supply for him too. Or at least he can get supply from others by showing how great a dad he is. lol.

Showing others what a great dad he is... ok, I checked his email again today, let's face it I need to stop but I can't figure this man out. At least I can read in black and white what he's doing. So he emailed HER again saying that basically he's alone in a small town and either needs a family there or he should move back, or would he get his son for summers and would that be enough? I wonder... he could have cared less about the boy for over a year after I left him, wouldn't make an effort to see him, refused to pay me a dime untiil I filed for a divorce.

Now this chick is emailing back telling him what a wonderfal father he is and how her ex never looked back and she had to fight to get child support (interesting isn't it?)... So yes when he goes on and on about being a father he''s "different" then the other men - let's not talk about how he was married twice before me, how this is some girlfriend I never heard about, how he lived with another woman five years before me - and has the worst track record. Of course the way to a woman's heart is to be the "good father" and oh so different from other men. Apparently this woman was screwed by her ex, and my ex and her dated, now he's saying he was close to moving for her, if only she had patience, I guess they are talking about what 10 years ago? More? I can't figure out what marriage and relationship he was inbetween for this woman actually...

So then he asks her when she'll be single again, and tells her what a sweet heart she is to listen to him (aw, poor fellow, you know), and how men don't like to discuss relationships head on (that's for sure with him) and that's why he's hiding out in the boonies (didn't mention he was fired from two jobs, his wife left him, he didn't pay her a dime over a year, barely saw his son and now he wants to be pa pa). It can't be this easy to get sympathy from a woman can it, throw in the evil ex (me) that took all his money and house, (didn't take a dime, or the house), and how hard he's trying to see his son (actually in the past nine months he has, scheduling seeing him around ball games, his alcoholic buddy and I'm sure other things or women), but before, oh my gosh... what a pig, basically deserted his only son, I went to counseling horrified and finally filed for a divorce. He wouldn't even "baby sit" his son as he called it when I brought him to him on a few weekends. No way. That's "my job" and he had better things to do then watch a baby - so interesting that I read that narccists hate babies, he apparently didn't like them at all, just sat around drinking in the basement night after night before I left him when my boy was eight months old.

Of course he tells her the "right" thing to do would be to move back to my state to be near "his" son... but throws in a cuss word, and there goes his retirement - so basically money's more important, and if this chick read between the lines she see "it." But of course she doesn't want the truth - she wants the perfect man (who likely wasn't very perfect or nice to her either while they were dating or she wouldn't have broken up with him - and he would have committed) to drop into her life in her 50s... saving her from the scuz ball she's with - or if she gets what she wants she'll get her new scuz ball in a banker's suit. Think this chick would move for him, to the boon docks? That's basically what he's asking her, to tell him when she's "single" again - and I do believe it's true, if he could have someone there in his small town so he could collect his retirement, and have her watch my boy during the summers, he'd never move back to my state.

How quickly should I divorce him before he moves back and what would the courts do if he moved back here to my state in the middle of divorce proceedings? Is that why he's stalling - to figure out if he can find another chick where he is, if he can't he "might" move back, but only if I proceed, and since I haven't proceeded he hasn't been serious about job hunting or moving back. This man is shallow, and yes "playing me" and "her" and whoever else in his life that still believes him after his rediculous track record (for a guy who's not that handsome, who has screwed up over and over, it's sure "easy" for him, although now he's 50 and it's not as easy - but of course he's lying and saying he's 45 on the singles site where I found him, of course he's online too, not getting a divorce - not begging to keep the divorce on hold, but divorced and living in a small town...).

Help!

I posted this in the other part of this site, but wanted to put it here too for those chatting with me. I just can't believe this. I really am calling an attorney today.


My boy came home after a night with his dad, we've been separated two years and I didn't finish divorce proceedings or get custody figured out (ok of course I thought he just might change - there was abuse in our marriage, I left when he smashed me with my little boy - was on this site all the time then). At first I didn't let him see my boy, who's almost three without me being there. So finally they seemed to do well and I let him come, stay at a hotel and sleep wtih his boy. He's been showing up once or twice a amonth for eight months or so - perhaps because I filed for a divorce and the attorney told him to get a record with his son. I feel so stupid that I didn't proceed to divorce him, when I left my dad was dying of cancer, my life was ******, I had a baby and a business to run - so even a counselor said I wouldn't make it through a funeral, divorce and keep afloat. So I put it off and fired my attorney who was a crook too.

Anyways my boy had a bruise and a small cut. When he brought him back yesterday I asked and he said he bumped his head in the hotel room. Ok, things happen with kids and it didn't look serious so I didn't think much about it. But he stayed and helped my boy put a bike together and then he mumbled something about how my boy hurt himself three times, bumped his head on the table, hit it on the bottom of the bed at the edge, and another bump on the floor. Of course that was a red flag, he gave me doughnuts and my boy isn't used to junk so I was nervous though - thinking I need to get on with the divorce. I even posted on the divorce part of this site, I've checked his emails and have seen him black and white cheating and lying, saying I took his money when I didn't get a dime - to some bimbo.

Anyways last night he told me, "daddy pushed me off the bed" and I asked him what, what happened. I assumed they were bouncing on the bed, and it was an accident. He said his daddy was sleeping in the morning, he was being a bad boy and was waking him up - it's true when he wants to get up in the am he'll grab and grab and you have no choice, it's time to get up! So he said daddy got mad and pushed him off the bed. I asked if he cried, yes he hurt his head. Did daddy saay he was sorry, he wasn't sure, yes, no, changing his mind. I called my mom concerned saying I need to finish the divorce.

Today he went to his new home, a grandmother with three grandkids watches him while I work. I didn't tell her, so her 9 year old boy asked my boy what happened and she overheard him say, daddy hurt me, daddy pushed me off the bed. This older wise woman had heard my story and was encouraginig me to document everything with my ex, emails, it all saying my life will be ****** to divorce him. Everyone's said he'll get summers (scary since I did check his email and his girlfriend is using the f word in every sentence, that my boy could be around THAT in itself.) Anyways the grandmother/babysitter said I have no choice but to have the hospital or police take pictures and that I need to document this. I drove around, called a relative that's had custody of their grand son as their daughter is a mess. She said it's true I have to go to the police. The officer said that a detective would call, they have officers trained in this and they'll question my boy. It'll happen within 1-2 days but they are busy.

I just can't believe it. He used to PUSH ME OFF THE BED, that was his thing. He got along with his boy, I wasn't really worried, my boy just went on and on so happy his dad was visiting. I would let him call him, I rarely talked to him myself but I was hoping for my boy it would be ok... My mom was praying, I came from a Christian background and that's my downfall, ,believing people change as it's black and white in the emails I cracked - the cop is right he never has cared a minute about me, and I'm caring about him, he not only doesn't deserve a summer with his boy - boy's this age don't lie, they don't make up "daddy pushed me off the bed" stories and that he did this he should have to be supervised. And that I have to finish the divorce, get custody and protect my kid.

What happens next, what are the charges for this, how can they prove it, will there be a court process, HELP. I can't believe it, I begged and told him he could push and shove me but to NEVER ever touch this boy, I honestly didn't think he would. Is this a wake up call. What if something worse happened. Oh my gosh. HELP.