Again, I have access to many things they don't know I have access to. She asked a close friend of ours, who also had an A, and her husband found out, if she would ever do it again. Her reply was no, because it caused too much pain for everyone involved. I also saw some things where our friend said "if you're serious about fixing the M, you need to make it a priority." These signs are probably the reason I haven't pulled the trigger on exposing them yet.

And yes...the OM is a POS, no question, but if I admit that about him, I have to admit the same about my W.

While you have access to info the OM has access to your wife.

There is a big dif between your W and your WW. You M your W whereas your WW is having an A. See the dif? I think everyone on this site can say that their WS was not a good person.

Look- don't listen to me on this. Wait for others to come along here and give their O.

as do we all

you cannot change what you do not admit exists

OM and your WW are conspiring to ruin YOUR FAMILY

Okay I'll add to the chorus.

Quit stalling and start exposing already! Full nuclear exposure...tell their workplace and bosses. Tell OMW. Tell WW's parents if she'll listen to them. Provide some basic evidence so they know you're not crazy.

I'm definitely not a lawyer but we've got some around here who could advise you better...but if you have a lawyer who is ready to go for alienation of affection, then run with it. At the very least it will shine the harsh light of truth on OM and make him scurry for the darkness. Use the legal system to pry his life open with a crowbar and see what else is going on.

Maybe you can identify the other women he has done this with. Maybe there are different grounds for a civil suit against him or his employer. I don't know but your lawyer would.

Make hard copies of any electronic evidence you have, because otherwise it will disappear within hours. Make multiple copies and hide them. Also make copies of any audio recordings you have. When WW confronts you about your information sources, don't reveal a thing.

No warning shots. Don't warn WW or OM. Don't talk to anybody about your exposure plans. If WW or OM find out, they'll spin it in advance and paint you as a crazy jealous H who needs to be ignored.

WW will go ballistic and spray venom everywhere. "I was going to work on the marriage until you did this", "I'm definitely leaving now", that sort of thing. Ignore it.

Did you notice that your idle threat changed nothing? The affair is still on. They are going on a business trip together. As Dr. Phil would say, "how's that working for ya?"


Worse case scenario is NOW, TODAY, the affair continues because you continue to ENABLE IT by keeping their secret.


Hope is not a plan. Helping him hide his dirty secret only enables him to continue pursuing your wife. You are HELPING HIM at your own expense. Why should he move onto another woman when he has your wife to fool around with? He has no motivation to stop since he knows her H will just lay down and take it. Whose side are you on? hmmmmm

HurtV,

You need more? I can get people all day long to say the same thing.

We want to help you.

no, the adulterous pair are in the fantasy world

you are hiding your conflict avoidance behind some wishful thinking .... and that's OK ... things will continue to worsen until the pain makes you so miserable you develop a plan

.... this BS conflict avoidance issue is not new to us ... but it is just so painful for us to watch ... we all cringe and moan watching you waste time and opportunity to kill evil trying to destroy your FAMILY

Pep

Exposure was like a weight being lifted off of me. It felt very good to do the right thing both for me and the OMW.

IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR MARRIGE IF IT IS STILL POSSIBLE.

look...I suspected many things during my marriage and in hindsight I was right...

It's time to Man up......you can't wish it away....OK, so they know there's no future, you know? So , what? Now they're just F-buddies......

Your only weapon is to EXPOSE, you're getting quality advice from people who know the road you're on....you can not "WISH" this away my friend...cause I'm sure YOU WISH it never happened.....

Good luck...

Hurtvet - you still here with us?

I'm still here...trying to figure out what the **** to do. Been reading a lot of other threads trying to figure out what others have done in similar situations. I understand all about the exposure...but it's so **** hard for me to make myself do it. I think about it all day long, but I guess what I think about most is what the heck will she do if I drop the bomb to the OMW, and the Boss.

This really sucks. I've never felt this much pain and uncertainty in all my life. And I spent 8 months in Iraq.

I want you all to know that I'm not just some whimpy guy that won't do what I need to do. I honestly believe if it comes to exposure and all its glory, my M will be over. But then again, did it end when she decided to do this to me/us? I gotta tell you...combat in Iraq was easier to deal with than this crap. At least over there the only thing I had to worry about was getting killed.

Thanks for checking up on me.

this is the wrong question (besides, we KNOW what she'll do ... she'll get so angry her head will explode)

The RIGHT question is ~~~> [color:"red"] What will OM do after you expose? [/color]

He will dump your WIFE and crawl on his knees to his wife

you need to BREAK UP THE AFFAIR ... they are Al-Quida you are their target

Pep

Hurtvet,

In the military how do they advise you handle a situation when you are ambushed?

Assault the ambush. It is dangerous, but it is a quick, direct and decisive action.

If you hunker down and do nothing they will pick you apart.

Same thing here. You have been ambushed.

Hurt -

First - thanks for serving our country.

Now let me tell you that I had the same feelings. When I first came here these people would tell me to expose to OMW. I wasn't sure about that. Like you I thought my M would for sure be over if I did expose. I was hoping my wife would come around and get her head out of her a55. She never did come out of it until I did expose.

Look - right now you don't have a M to speak of. How can things get worse if you expose and she gets mad, and she WILL get mad. She will get over the MAD part and move on with you, but only if you bust up this A.

Pep is right - OM will run if you expose to all.

If you need I can call out for some X military guys here. Warning though - they are very direct and you may not always like what they have to say.

What do you say???