The issue of domestic violence has come up on these baords quite a bit. I have always cautioned people to distance themselves from an abuser and to NEVER even so much as speak in person to an abuser threatening suicide. This is a story from MSN that frankly spells out the problem very well. If someone is abusing you... get away and stay away from them. If you see them coming, RUN in the opposite direction. Too many people here have felt that they can manage their abuser and it makes me want to scream.

Read this and if you are being abused by anyone... male or female... get away and stay away.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17626550/?GT1=9145

Thanks for sharing! When I left this is the kind of newspaper article I was worried about becoming...

Thanks for reminding people of that. I've seen too many story's to count about this subject. Makes me ill to even think about it. That poor little boy... :-(

MEDC - I lived with extreme physical abuse for over 20 years. As I can only speak for myself, in my situation - the hitting was only the tip of the iceburg. I felt like a beaten dog - cowering in the corner. If the door was open to leave - I was way too scared to do so. I lived with instense fear for years, still do kinda.

Yes, I heard it said over and over - just leave

As one who lived that life - it is just not that easy to just leave. And, finances were not the problem.

Whenever this conversation comes up - I try to explain to others that I (ME) as I only can speak for myself - felt like a dog that was beaten every day... what will a dog do, cower in the corner - scared. Best way to explain MY situation.

Not trying to disagree with anyone here. Just telling the story from another propsective.

Sincerely, Carnation

oh, and it was not the fear of my abuser.

it was the fear of --- everything

sorry for what you went through. I understand your plight. I never said leaving was easy... just necessary. I have seen your perspective forst hand. I went to homes every single day and dealt with abusers and the abused... literally, every single day (sometimes a few times a night). Leaving and getting away is the only answer short of sticking a knife in the abuser (which I have also seen numerous times!).
I really am sorry for what you went through.

MEDC--Strivn--family--and carnation:

First, BTDT and got the survivor's t-shirt to prove it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> (interjecting levity into a sort of scary situation).

I second carnation's post. As a survivor of abuse myself (physical, sexual, mental, emotional, verbal) I know that people repeatedly told me "just leave" and it is just not that easy. I also know that I lost friends--even some family--because I wouldn't just leave. I can not put my finger on it, but there was stuff that I needed to learn (stuff about me, stuff about anger, stuff about what's appropriate and what's not) before I was ABLE to leave...and then when I learned it and I was ready, lots of folks weren't there for me anymore.

Soooo...as a person who has survived DV I just want to say this to all the friends and family out there who wonder, "Why doesn't he/she just leave!!??"

PLEASE HANG IN THERE!! Please don't get frustrated and stop being his or her friend just because they keep going back! Please don't think that continuing to be there and continuing to support a healthy SAFE life isn't helping, because it is. IT IS!! It's just harder to go than a "normal" person with self-esteem might imagine. Please be patient. Please wait. The day will come when he or she finally gets it and is strong enough to actually leave, and they WILL need you there to just be a friend. In my opinion, your job, as a TRUE friend, is to keep being his or her friend until they are safe...and that is a high calling and it's hard. Keep at it!

And just a reminder, folks...DV is not always a GUY being the abuser and a GAL being abused. Sometimes it's a MAN being physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by his WIFE! I have known plenty of men who's wives are absolutely, HORRIBLY abusive, and for a guy it's even worse, because they are supposed to "be a man about it" and not feel the hurt of emotional abuse...plus most men have little or no legal help. If the abusive wife punches her husband and he tries to restrain her from hitting him, and she calls the police, they haul HIM away, and he's the one who's being abused! So just remember, it's not alway a woman who has to get to a safe place. Men need to protect their hearts too.

Your true and faithful friend,


CJ

(((( ))))

thanks for hearing me


carnation

MEDC

just curious

do you mind saying where you were a cop? (which state/city)

Pep

Philadelphia, PA

thanks!

tough city, is it not?

Do you miss police work?

Pep

very tough city.
I miss it a lot!
I would go back tomorrow if I could. Lousy pay, lousy hours, lousy working conditions! But there was so much opportunity to make a difference.

Thanks for asking Pep.

my (almost) 21 year old son (the X pain in the butt ... currently GREAT kid) is an EMT

twice in 1 years he's been pulled over for speeding, and been let off with a warning ... when he shows his driver's license, his EMT ID is right next to it ...

"first responders" stick together I'm thinking

my son has become sooooo traditional in his values since picking up broken bodies and such ... an amazing transformation from the [censored] he once was

I am so proud of him
he's going to start paramedic training next month

besides, it's good to know if I choke on something, at least SOMEONE here knows what to do!

he helped deliver his first baby the other day!

Pep

he will most likely never get another ticket! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You should be proud of him... and of yourself for the job you have done with him.

I was just about your sons age when I went on the PD and I can say that it changed me forever. His values will most definitely be more defined.

He will NEVER forget that first baby!

"chicks with sticks"

pftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

from other thread

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

my son is a firefighter

Hello, carnation I want to say that I hear you also...

I was afraid of everything at one point...I didn't get hit but the verbal, sexual, and emotional abuse was horrible...

I understand that fear! If I was outside and a neighbor came out, I went back in the house b/c I didn't want to be seen...

There were places that I wanted to go but felt that I couldn't...not b/c I was told that I couldn't...it was just ME...sometimes I got motivated to go somewhere's because I want to bring the kids and then I couldn't stay long b/c I felt uncomfortable...

Having small kids I still fear what the future will hold and having to deal with him...but I understand that I have choices in even that now...

Cj...sharing your story really helped me...you were the first person that helped me see that I wasn't alone...for this I am grateful...Thank you!

MEDC- Thank you for posting to me also and for starting this thread...I went to my first DV support group the other day but I really didn't find it helpful...but this is!

I'm so happy that I saw that things were getting worse and had the strenght to get out...and by no means do I want to go back...When I was reseaching it, i read that the average person leaves five times before they leave for good...

This was my third...

So, to all of you...Thank you...

PEP...good job with your son...

Yoou know perhaps I am overstepping my boundries here... but if there is anyone here that is being abused and needs help.. please email me. I will happily help guide you as to how to proceed.

Can you tell I just hate abuse! Child, spouse or animal.... I just HATE it and feel the need to help out when I can.

S4B.. you're welcome.

MEDC

I would also be happy to share my experience and how I got out, where I started, etc.

LMAO...We'll help you fix your picker too! LMAO

MEDC-Good Job! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />