I got her a card in the end.. something simple without any long sentimental messages. I just wrote:

"Dear WS, Wishing you a happy 29th birthday. May God bless your special day. Love, BS"

Dropped it into the mailbox, which hopefully she'll check tomorrow or Sat (her birthday). If not, then I'll just drop her an SMS of something on Sat.

Dev,

Going to try this again

["Dear WS, Wishing you a happy 29th birthday. May God bless your special day. Love, BS"/quote]

I think that is perfect... not to much but just enough to show her you are thinking of her.

I think you did good.

Still

Dev,

I guess I'm a lost cause on the quote thingy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

You sometimes can't teach a dog new tricks. I'll keep trying though. I can be very stubborn.

What are you planning to do for you on her birthday... go out and be with friends so you don't get down about it.

Still

Hi still,

LOL... OK.. lets try it a different way... what you did wrong is to enclose the entire sentence in the [] when the only word that should be in [] was QUOTE and /QUOTE

Think of it as {QUOTE} to open the box and {/QUOTE} to close the box. But use [] instead of the {} I used in the above example.

Thanks for the encouragement on the card.. she didn't come by this morning to pick up the card, so either this evening or tomorrow morning. If not, then I'll just drop her an SMS saying essentially the same thing.

Tonight I'm going for a company dinner, events like this I hate nowadays because everyone will be asking "Where's your wife?" or "Did you come alone?" because we mostly went out together before. Now I just put on my plastic smile when someone asks me where my wife is and I reply "I have no idea"...lol

Still no plans for tomorrow. Thought I may stay in and finish up some work, tidy up the house. I'm sort of preparing for the fact that she's not coming back, so I'm packing up all her stuff and placing them in the room next door so she can just come and get them and go when she's ready. I must say, the bathroom racks look extremely empty without her 20 different creams, lotions and other stuff <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Dev,

I've got to run and finish getting ready for work... you don't want to see me right now... pretty scary.

Don't stay home and pack her stuff that day...please. I think that will make you to sad.

I'll check in on you later.

Still

PS and when I have more time I'll try again.

Hey still,

I just got home after the company dinner.. wow, I really had fun. Just got home before midnight and about to hit the sack.

Don't worry about me, going to go for breakfast with a few old friends, probably come home in the afternoon and clean up the house some.

BTW she didn't take the letters yet, so probably drop her a simple SMS like "Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day today dear"

Anyway, take it easy at work today... its a Friday after all <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Dev,

Hoping you're keeping busy today.

Just got home. went out with about 15 lady friends to dinner than dancing. It was fun...we even got to have a limo ride.

I'm wiped but want to make sure you're keeping busy.

Still

Hey still,

Guess what? I hit the consolation prize for the lottery! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Though it was a whopping $30, I'm still quite happy.. lol

Uneventful day today. I messaged her b'day wishes and she replied in kind."Thank. You have a great day too" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

My relatives also called me up wanting to speak to her (extended family who don't know yet) and I just had to say, "OK, I'll pass on your birthday wishes to her, thanks"...then I would SMS her "So and so wishes you Happy Birthday" and she would reply "OK thanks."

Anyway, apart from that, nothing much happened today. Will prob be heading out for drinks with some old friends later.

What are you up to this Saturday?

Hey Dev,

Didn't I tell you I felt it in my bones that you were going to be lucky with the lottery <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Now don't spend it all in one place.

Today (Saturday) is going to be busy day. This is my DS last hockey tournament for junior high. Missed his game last evening for my girls night out and he scored a goal. This morning at 7am was his second game and they won that one also. He scored again also. My DS is an amazingly fast ice skater (if I do say so myself). He has another game this afternoon.

After DS game rushed home to help on DD bottle drive for softball. Mothers never stop. I saw a license plate last week that essentially said neverhome that's my life. You'll see once you have some rugrats.

I'm happy you seem to be getting through WW bday. I was alittle worried. But now momma worrier can relax.

Have a drink for me... like a little white zinfidel (such a wine conosseur)

Still

Just a one off remark. I have said this before, but will apply it to your thread just as a point of view.

Providing emotional support for a WS is a bit like putting our privates into a wood chopper. Thank about it.

Assuming that she is in a butch/fluff relationship, it is likely she is using you to control her butch.

All the best.

Larry

Hi Still,

Its 6am and I'm awake typing this cause it started pouring outside and I had to wake up to close the windows... then found this cockroach sitting on my PC table <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Hate the damned things!

Now I'm awake so decide to check in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Larry,

I'm not providing her with any kind of support, emotional or otherwise, at least I don't think so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Just wished her Happy Birthday and passed on birthday wishes that my family had asked me to convey to her. Apart from that, we have had no contact since she's moved out.

Was there something I said or had done that could be considered as providing emotional support? Would really appreciate it if you can point it out to me mate. Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Dev,

A cockroach eeewww. Do they grow them big out there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

When I was in college and lived in my apartment we used to get them all the time. It got to be like pets... ours were very slow. My mom used to make me shake out my whole suitcase when I came home in the driveway so I wouldn't bring any in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Then when i first moved here they put a lobster on our license plate for our vehicles .... and the Mainuhs would say it looked like a cockroach, DH and I would laugh and said obviously they have never seen a cockroach.

Thanks for bringing back a funny memory for me. I'm smiling as I write this.

DS lost this afternoons game... it wasn't very pretty.

Still

edited for spelling errors

Hi still,

As a man I am ashamed to admit that I hate them and can't bear touching them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Right now I've put a plastic container over it while I decide what to do with it when I wake up later and this is about an inch long (minus feelers). Largest ones are about two inches... yucks! Maybe I'll feed him to my vacuum cleaner.. LOL

Sorry to hear about your DS losing the game <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Now, back to my regularly scheduled sleep....

Nothing to be ashamed of they are pretty disgusting creatures,

Still

Birthday greetings. Any contact at all except as required by law or kid issues that must be discussed. People in an affair do not think or react like a real person. They can and do rationalize any contact as something that it isn't.

Larry

I see. OK, well I won't have to deal with that for another year anyway.. lol

We're not actually in Plan B. Its sort of a plan B cause I told her when she moved out, I wanted to not have contact with her until she'd made up her mind (she said end of April). So she said OK and took everything she would need for a month, and I changed the locks as well after she left.

However, I do feel that this is the end of the road for my M. She's probably looking (or has already found) an apartment on her own, though she had said she wouldn't till after she "considers if she wants the M", but I know she's been looking cause her friends have been sending her links and such to rental places. The other factor is that I'm assuming she's back in contact (if not more) with the lesbian.

So I'm expecting a "I've thought it over and I want to leave, permanantly" speech after she's safely secured a new place to stay, whenever that will be.

You could pull a switch.

How about this:

"Hey soon to be former wife. I have thought about our situation and who you are instead of who I thought you were when I married you.

"I fell in love with who you presented yourself to be, not in what you allowed yourself to become after I made the committment.

"So with no kids, I do not see that we have anything to live for and nothing to gain by holding on to something that was all pretend instead of reality.

"You are who you are and I don't like who you are; making vows you broke and betraying someone who loves you. That is not a good person in my book.

"So you don't have to let me down easy or anything like that. For whatever reason you can pretend to have, you stole my heart and then stomped on it.

My take would be that she would do a 180 until such time as it is convenient for her to bail. Maybe not, it might be she will feel relief that she doesn't have to continue her charade.

Larry

Hi Larry..

Heheh... I had a kick out of reading that! Soon to be former wife, indeed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm content to let her have her charade. Let her expend her energy trying to put on this show, if that's what it really is. Let her tell her friends every reason except about her affair as to why she chose to move out. I'm already moving on with my life (well, apart from spending a significant amount of my life on these boards! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). We have no shared assets, no children to fight over. Just some household items that are still in this rental apartment.

That said, we're financially independant of each other. So apart from some stuff that she still has in this apartment, she really has no reason to pretend anymore -unless she's afraid I'll try to ruin her career by telling ppl in the industry about her and her lesbian lover. *Shrugs*

I've told her countless times that the ball is in her court, something that she didn't like hearing. She wanted ME to decide to divorce or separete, SHE was the one who had to decide if she wanted to commit to the marriage. In the end, after 2 weeks apart, she came home with enough courage to tell me she wanted to move out, and I said OK if that's what you really want.

Your best bet is to begin living a great life, getting out and doing fun things, and letting her be. I would be thinking about Plan B though. No reason not to go ahead with that.