Morning Orchid,

Thanks, yes it was quite exasperating talking to the WS. For the first time, I was the one who didn't want anything to do with her, to end the call, and it was her who was the one holding onto the conversation, beating around the bush asking me stupid questions which didn't have any ready answers for. She moves out, continues the A, then the day after she clears her stuff out, she asks ME what I want to do... wth?!?

It WAS pretty funny the way she hinted that it was "over" without trying to say she was in the A, but that "whatever you ThOUGHT was going on is over"...LOL... That pretty much set my mood for the entire conversation, I just laughed. And about how she wouldn't commit to an answer about WHEN it ended but kept trying to steer me away with nonsensical questions, especially after I said I KNEW for sure and she wasn't sure how I knew or whether I was bluffing, so she didn't dare to answer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

By telling me that she was able to move on, and that she didn't want things hanging for fear that I couldn't move on, I thought that probably she:

1. Was afraid of what I would do next (exposure). I did not mention anything about exposure during this conversation or even hint at how I KNEW about the ongoing A, but because I had already exposed before and because I had threatened her with it very early on after D-day, she is afraid

2. Maybe she was trying to get me to show her all the cards up my sleeve, and to tell me whatever I did it was no use as she would not return the the marriage regardless, i.e. asking me to file for the divorce. Though in our case, its probably not about the $ (don't think she has a problem paying if she files) but rather she doesn't want to be the one doing it?

MIL is on blood transfusions now, so she's still not in the clear yet. Bad timing, but well, we work with what we have. WS is supposedly taking the bus home at 9am today (45 mins from now). So exposure will have to wait until next week at least. I called her sister to ask about MIL's condition and detected a bit of hostility when she picked up the phone... oh well, no telling what WS has told HER support group about why she's moved out etc.

All in all, it was 'nice' for a change not to have ended the call being the pissed off party,though it was the first time she said "I really hate you"...and with such venom too...:(

IMHO, I think it was a combo of both. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Scary ain't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Heheh.. Oh well, weird that she wants closure for ME after SHE'S moved out. Anyway, she told her friend that she called just "to find out what comes next now that she's completely moved out" and instead SHE got BOMBARDED. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just can't understand that. All I did was ask her one question which she didn't want or couldn't answer, I did not shout at her, I did not instigate any fights, I didn't demand that she do anyting at all, and she said she got bombarded? LOL

If she asks for a divorce, should I just go ahead and say "OK"?? I know I'm supposed to expose then plan B and go dark, but I will definitely get angry calls from her after. So just refuse to pick up her calls??

Say I don't do divorce. If she keeps calling, don't pick up, rather resend her your plan B letter if she continues to try and contact you.

OK... I'll work on my Plan B letter over the next few days.. thx

Hi all!

Good news is that MIL is on the mend.. looks like she's going to be OK. Called up today and WS said she was better, but MIL didn't want to speak to me, maybe still tired or maybe not... oh well. Both times I've called WS was to ask about MIL, and ended the call soon after. Not a word more like what I used to do to try and make her 'talk'. I think the first time she was somewhat taken aback that I just called to ask about MIL and then said "ok, thank. Bye"

Also, I got a significant pay raise today along with a nice bonus, which I am most thankful to God for. It's been a rough few months, and with paying bills on my own and all, well, I am CONVINCED that HE never gives us more than we can handle. So money is one less thing to worry about now.

I don't know. I find myself more and more upbeat, and I'd just met an attractive woman as well. Nothing happening of course, just meet for work and all, but I find myself thinking "Man, there are so many wonderful women out there -why am I bothering with WS who left me for a lesbian??"

Anyway, will be heading out with some friends tonight to celebrate. Have a good weekend everyone, I know I will <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad MIL is better. Maybe better to call BIL about MIL's status. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

have safe fun tonight, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hey Orchid,

My 'late night shopping' turned out to be not that late after all cause its only 830pm and I'm home already! LOL... Bought a whole new set of nice cookware to replace the ones WS took and will try to cook something up and invite some friends over for dinner this weekend. Hope I don't give anyone food poisoning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

To be honest, I find myself wondering more and more if I want to bother with exposure, and trying to win back someone who doesn't want to be won back. The suggestion I got earlier about cutting my losses and moving on from Marsh is starting to sound more and more appealing.

A friend told me "the best revenge is in moving on and in knowing that you are in a better place than when you were with her while she will someday realize she made a mistake and regret it like ******." And today, I suddenly realized I don't NEED her anymore, but do I still WANT her? Hmmm

Hi Dev,

Glad you had a good time shopping. Cooking for your friends w/b fun. Get help and do it as a group. It w/b more fun that way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Your friend's advice is good. It is bold and sounds scary but the right one. When your mind and heart get in sync it will be easier to do.

L.

Am I lost in my own fog? I can't stop thinking about this other woman I met the other day, we've exchanged a few text messages and so far looks like we're getting along well. I'm not pursuing a relationship (she's too young, probably early 20s), but it got me thinking that I could do so much better than to pine after a woman who no longer loves me or wants to be with me.

I have a reduced desire to try and save my marriage at this point, after thinking back at the crap I had to go through to get to this point where I can just say "to h3ll with it" and that there are a lot of women out there who find me attractive (still)-LOL!

Maybe its a combination of me getting my raise and meeting a few attractive women lately that has me started on this train of thought. Perhaps its renewed confidence after being trampled on and feeling lower than cow dung after my wife left me for another woman. Or maybe I'm feeling a bit of what WS did to make her go astray -increased spending power and the promise of better lifestyle and meeting someone else who was willing to meet your needs and found you attractive and made you feel wanted. But, she chose to leave ME, so that makes me right, doesn't it? Doesn't it?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, off to start cooking... LOL, if nothing else, maybe this whole episode will make me a better cook! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Don't worry too much about it. Our MB men always do very well, with someone richer, thinner and younger.

But please wait to date until you are no longer married, if it comes to that.

2 x 4 THWACK!!!

You are married. Have you even filed for a divorce?
So what are you doing carrying on with single women???
What did you tell her about your marital status?

Do this right. With integrity, so you can hold your head up high, instead of becoming another rebound infidelity statistic.

Hi believr and Lexxxy,

Thanks for the 2x4. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Don't worry, I have been on MB long enough to know what is right and what is wrong, I hope! WRT the other women, nothing is going on, for sure. They are just people that I've met during the course of my work in the last few weeks that I've been meeting up (for official business) and having casual conversations. NOTHING ROMANTIC going on, really <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I haven't brought up my marital status because I haven't been asked (the conversations have all been small talk). I still wear my wedding band so that would be a dead giveaway to any observant woman, and I think MOST single women are pretty observant when it comes to that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm not about to lie about my marital status and carry on with another woman, not while all this is still ongoing. And I agree, I will file for a divorce first before carrying on another relationship, if nothing else but to be fair to the other party.

My earlier post was just to say that I've realized that there are LOTS of AVAILABLE fishes in the great proverbial sea. Just a matter of whether I wanna throw the (almost) dead fish in my hand and cast the line out again.

Hi guys,

Supposing I do the exposure next week (email to WS's friends, and letter to OW's parents), do I wait a day before sending WS the plan B letter/email or send it out at the same time as the exposure emails?

Expose as soon as you can. That is part of Plan A.

agree with Believer

Exposure and plan B letters are 2 different processes done for 2 different reasons.

Expose 1st.

Wait

Make sure plan B is prepared with:
1. mind & heart in sync
2. support group is notified
3. finances secured
4. chid custody is secured
5. ID your personal and M bounadries
6. Impelement those boundaries
7. prepare your plan B letter - put your support group on High alert
9. pray for a clear mind,calm heart and lots of patience.
10. Send plan B letter

L.

Hi,

Yes, was going to do it last week, then MIL came down with dengue fever, which is fatal in some cases, so I decided to wait. Now that she's in the clear, I'll do it next week. First a letter to OW's parents, attached with emails of their love correspondance, then next day an email to WS's friends, sister and aunt (snail mail to OW's parents and emails should arrive same day).

After that I step back and do nothing? If WS calls up all angry I just tell her I did what I had to to save the marriage? If she says she'll never come back anyway, or because of this, I just say "That is your decision to make", if she threatens divorce I say "This is your decision to make" etc?

How long after the exposure should I wait to send the plan B letter? A week?

Since she's moved out over a month already I guess plan B is already more or less ongoing. She is very actively trying to find an apartment, my guess is that she will sign a new lease when she gets the place. How do I tell her I will wait for "a while" without it coming out as a threat etc? Because of the vows I took, I will indeed wait a while for her to come to her senses and give her a fair chance, but I will not be in separated/soon-to-be divorced limbo for long.

this is covered in the PLAN B letter (pbl)

PLAN B [color:"red"]<~~~ click [/color]