Haha, thanks guys for making me smile even more! LOL

Yeah, I'm wondering if she's going to get her company to cover her bills, though unlikely as they'll definitely request to see the itemized bills, and with 95% of the calls going to one number/person, don't think she'll be so stupid as to do that -then again... uh.. she may just do it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad we've separated out the finances and that I cut up all our shared credit cards and closed the joint checking accounts etc.

WS has her own saving, and I don't think she can/will go through them so quickly in the past 2 months -and I don't think she will dare to approach me for $ anyway. I would just laugh in her face and ask her where all her money went, and she knows that. I wonder what other slip-ups she's made?

Ran into the OW just now as I was leaving work, well, would rather have ran OVER her, but what the heck.

I saw her from a distance as I was exiting the building. I was going up some stairs, she was going down them, both on roughly the same course. She was on the phone, talking quietly with this lovey-dovey smile on her face (guess who she was prob talking to). Well she saw me from about 4-5 metres away as we headed towards each other, and her face changed into a look of hate and I don't know what, whcih made her naturally ugly mug even more so (didn't know that was possible!)

I was wearing my sunglasses at the time, but I kept my expression netural and as we passed each other, I said "bit*h"... and kept on walking. The temptation to just give her a nudge down the stairs was almost too great.. LOL

After that I was kind of annoyed, then started smiling again as I realized I probably don't give a damned. Just felt like calling up the lawyer and setting up a meeting to proceed with the D proceedings.

How do you know when its time to do that? Is it one of those, AHA! moments, like when I decided I didn't or couldn't work things out with WS anymore?

upz for some opinions....

There was no need to say "bit*h" but I understand. I think you should call your lawyer now. There are no reasons to wait.

Hi UVA,

Yes, sort of regret saying that, felt that it would be so much better if I had just walked on by without bothering about her at all, it would have sent a clearer message. However, what's done is done, and at least she KNOWS that I'm not falling for anymore BS from them, and we know where we stand.

I don't have a lawyer, but just contacted a friend who's cousin is a lawyer who does divorces, though only the easier, uncontested ones. Am not really sure how it works, so have asked her to make enquiries on stuff such as:

1. How much will the whole process cost
2. Should I file it under reason of 'adultery'. Else wil have to go through a 2-year separation stage.
3. What happens if WS contests the reasons, will this result in a prolonged hearing etc?
4. Are the 'evidence' that I admissible to prove that there was indeed adultery?

So many questions... but I just know I want to end this. I don't love WS anymore... OW can have her, they both deserve each other for however long this A lasts

You ran into OW and didn't make her cry OR bleed?

I can't decide if I'm proud or disappointed.

[wink, nudge]

LOL, funny you should mention that. Just saw her IN my facility..her company is running a roadshow near my central store. I walked by and she was on the phone and looked away. I looked at some of WS's previous colleagues and said 'Hi' but gave OW a hostile stare as I walked by. Not sure if the others picked up on that.

Not worth risking my job by creating a scene within my own office for this piece of trash, me thinks.

OK, I couldn't help it and decided to stir up some sh*t just now. So I walked deliberately to the counter and hung around with another colleague... OW was at the counter talking very intently to another customer, trying her best to ignore my existance. My colleague (who knows the whole story) asked me, "So, which is it?" and I replied loudly "There, the one who looks like a man". Then my friend walked over for a closer look.

Another of WS's former colleague walked by and recognized me.. we exchanged pleasantries and then she asked the inevitable question "So, how's WS?"

I replied "Oh, I have no idea"

She had a confused look on her face as she repeated to herself "..no idea..."

Then I added, "WS and I have split up, and are no longer together..." She nodded understandingly (without any comprehension in her eyes). Then I added "If you wanna know more, go ask OW (pointing to her. She was responsible for it". I then said, "OK, gotta run.. see ya".. she walked away confused as ******. LOL

How about this one ...

"My wife is having a lesbain affair with "that woman who looks like a man" over there...no...it IS a woman...I'm almost positive".

LOL, I'll have to remember that for next time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, took a look at WS's email today and saw that she was handed a tenancy agreement by the property agent, asking her to submit her personal details and "your friend's too". I think this is the friend from home, and not the OW though, although it doesn't really matter at this point!

I'm still trying to sync my head and my heart, while one says "good, move on" the other is *a little* sad that her confirming an apartment has made her choice all the more clear and real. Even though I'm 95% sure I won't take her back, I don't know why I still feel a little sad at this.

Anyway, will be speaking to a lawyer this weekend to see how to get things moving. This guy is willing to do uncontested divorces, but will refer me to another more specialized (read: expensive) lawyer should there be any contest. I'm wondering how many WS's object strongly to "adultery" as the reason for divorce? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Update:

Well, came back to my hometown for the weekend and packed up all of WS's stuff last night. Mustered up some courage and drove it down to my in-laws place just now.

When I was at the door, my MIL looked really surprised, then she tried to look cheerful and we chatted about her recent hospitalization, WS's finding a new apartment (I said I wasn't aware of it), and how she was sharing it with a friend (not OW). There were some uncomfortable silences in between then my FIL came back from his walk.. a tad uncomfortable there, cause he was visibly sad to see me, and we were always quite fond of each other.

I was about to leave, then thought 'what the heck. at least ONE of us owes them the truth'.

So I sat down in the living room with them and started off with "I just want you to know that I've tried everything I could think of to make this work, but it couldn't". I was surprised when tears sprang to my eyes talking to my in-laws, perhaps I hadn't 'moved-on' quite as much as I'd hoped.

FIL asked me what am I going to do now? And I asked "about what?" (smart-[censored] i know).. and he said "about you and WS's relationship" (notice he didnt call it a 'marriage'!)

I said, "well, she doesn't leave me with much options at this point. How can I make it work when she DOESN'T want to?" He said he hadn't heard anything since the long break we had in Feb (just before she moved out). So I filled him in.

I told him how she had come home and I noticed right off the bat she wasn't wearing her wedding band, and how she had told me she wanted to reconsider the marriage etc. And how she said she and OW were "just friends" when I asked her if the reason for moving was because of OW. FIL at this point shook his head, seemed sure that the A was over muttering "no, she told ME it was over"

I said "Well, she's lied to everyone. And you guys are not in the city, but far far away, so what if she's made promises she couldn't keep?" I told him that I found out the before during and after WS's US trip I had CONFIRMED that the relationship with OW was still on. CONFIRMED, though I didn't elaborate. I said that finding that out made me lose all hope in fixing the marriage, and that I wasn't even sure if I loved her anymore or would take her back even if she wanted to come back. I told them she had lied to me, them and all her friends also. I looked at FIL with tears in my eyes and told him that I had no reason to lie to him at this point, cause it was more or less over. And he nodded.

At the end of it, all he said was that there was only so much he could do, it was between WS and myself. I agreed and told him that yes, it's between the both of us and that I was telling him because I owed them the truth about what had happeened, and that my mother had also been told everything already.

After a short silence, I just said ok, i gotta go and told them both to take care and left.

I've said my piece, whether they choose to believe me or not, well, that's up to them. But I feel sorry for them, having to go through all of this too..

Wonder if I'll get a pissed off call from WS later on?

Oh you DOG you!

You just dropped a NUKE.

Good for you Dev..really. You did so well there..and the key was that you were NOT trying to manipulate an outcome.

I realize that your love bank is fixed at zero. In your position I wouldn't want to reconcile either.

If a WS returned full of remorse I might feel obligated but my desire would not be there.

Whatever you do ...you did reclaim your dignity. You couldn't have planned this better.

Hi noodle,

Thanks for your nice words. I thought about that part you mentioned, about me not trying to manipulate the situation, and you're absolutely right. I didn't have an agenda today, just to drop off her stuff and say my piece, give my side of the story. I didn't see any other way back from where we are right now, so there wasn't any outcome to manipulate towards. Just a serving of the plain, simple truth.


Yes agree with you there as well. I think sometimes I have a conflict between OBLIGATION and a desire to really want it to work out, and that desire is now gone.

But I do feel pain for my in-laws... who haven't had it easy the last few years, to still have to cope and struggle with this at their age....damn this A! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Update:

I spoke to the lawyer over the weekend and he advised me to talk to WS to see if we could agree to a joint divorce, less ugly and costly that way.

So I met up with WS just now at work. She came over and said "hi" but I didn't smile or greet her. I told her that it was time to get this settled, and that I had spoken to the lawyer already about a joint petition for a divorce.

We basically go home in July, sign the papers, which will then be filed by the lawyer. After approx 3 months, we will prob have a court date set and we both have to make an appearance.

We will pay 1/2 the lawyer fees each, and there will be no alimony, maintenance etc.

After I explained that to her, I asked her if she had any questions... she just looked thoughtful and asked me if I still had anything of hers, to which I said no.

I then just stood up and said ok and walked off.

She texted me later saying "Thanks for arranging that. Take care"

I wanted to reply with a "I did it for me, not you" but decided that there was no point.

Now I'm just looking forward to the end of all of this.

Am I supposed to feel elated? Happy? Sad? Depressed? Cause right now I don't feel anything, just a little empty inside...

"empty" sounds appropriate

you will take time to grieve I pray

Heh, I guess I was expecting to feel a sense of elation, relief that there's going to be some closure at last, and maybe a little disappointed that she agreed to the divorce so easily.

Oh well, time to give the lawyer the good news.

OK its done. Sent out the email to the lawyer to begin writing up the petition, copying my soon-to-be-ex-wife.

Guess the ball is rolling already

Update:

Well, the divorce process has started, WS and I are both liaising with the lawyer on our own. Will be signing the petition next week, and she will be too sometime in July.

Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop -waiting for the moment she will feel regret and say she's sorry and if we're really going through with this... but maybe I'm being delusional -she cannot and doesn't feel a shread of remorse over this whole episode at all. Not that it would change anything -I'm still dedicated to this course of action, I still think our marriage cannot be recovered.. but, it would be nice to know that at some level, there's a little left of the person I once knew.

I still get amazed that someone so close to your heart, someone you love like no other, could ever cheat on you like that. But all I can do is to move on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />