1. What do you do to cope with feelings that are embarrasing to you?

2. Where do you go to express those feelings that you think are not "manly"?

3. What coping behavior(s) do you do when you question your life choices and think you might be wrong?

4. Do you cry in front of your woman? Why or why not?

5. Have you ever become angry because expressing vulnerability and hurt was too embarrasing?

thank you so much

Pep

I usually keep them to myself unless someone makes it *really* comfortable for me to share my feelings with them.



Describe what you mean by "not manly" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.



I find myself questioning a lot of my life choices these days (for pretty obvious reasons), and at times I believe that yes, I've made the wrong decisions. I think my way of coping with that is to spend more time now trying to make the best of the situation I'm in and ensuring that whatever decisions I make from now are best for all affected.



I've cried a few times in front of my FWW.



Too embarrassing? No. I have become angry in that situation more out of frustration than anything else.

no
I cannot describe what YOU think is unmanly

unmanly by YOUR definition

Hmmmm,


Throw them into the ocean where the tide will take care of them.


Don't know. Never had a soft side, thus I can't recall feelings that were unmanly??



Accept your wrong choice and chalk it up to a learning experience. Move on.


Couple of times over the the last few years. Won't happen again though, tears are for the dead, not the living.



Yes, especially when it is misunderstood and thought to be unmanly!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Where ya going with all this Pep??

All blessings,
Jerry

Trying to help MomAZ in particular, and all other women who don't understand men in general.

Pep

I was afraid of that. you are trying to figure out the "venus vs. mars" thing singlehandedly, once and for all. It's like trying to solve the perpetual energy equation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good luck!

All blessings,
Jerry

The BEST, BEST and INVALUABLE LEARNING EXPERIENCES for me were reading the books LOVE AND RESPECT by EGGERICHS, FOR WOMEN ONLY:WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE INNER LIVES OF MEN by FELDMAN and WILD AT HEART by ELDREDGE.

Not sure I've ever been embarassed by my feelings


I don't think any feelings are unmanly as such


Hmm - my wife would tell you that I never admit I am wrong - I'm not sure about that but I do like being right. Maybe denial - I dunno.


I have - I don't have any problem with emotional outpourings - it doesn't make me less manly in either my eyes or my wife's


No.


Not at all sure I helped Pep.

1. What do you do to cope with feelings that are embarrasing to you?

[color:"red"]
Embarassment is a feeling in itself. I probably cope with embarassment just like everyone else; I try not to think about whatever dumb thing I did that was the cause of being embarassed. I can't think of any "feelings" I have which cause me to be embarassed.[/color]

2. Where do you go to express those feelings that you think are not "manly"?

[color:"red"]If the definition of manly feelings is feelings appropriate for men, then I don't think I have any feelings that are not manly. What's appropriate? We all have our own ideas on that. I guess the question needs to be more specific.[/color]

3. What coping behavior(s) do you do when you question your life choices and think you might be wrong?

[color:"red"]I spend a lot of time laying in bed at night thinking about things I should have done or could have done; things I did that turned out wrong; decisions I'll be forced to make one way or the other in the near future. I try to examine some issues from all angles. The big issue now? What does a dedicated family man do when he no longer has a family? [/color]

4. Do you cry in front of your woman? Why or why not?

[color:"red"]I think the first time I cried in front of my wife was the night I discovered her affair. Why? If you've been betrayed by the person you love most in life you already know the answer to this.[/color]

5. Have you ever become angry because expressing vulnerability and hurt was too embarrasing?

[color:"red"]No, I don't get angry. I sometimes regret revealing vulnerability when I think it will be perceived as weakness.[/color]

Ooh, I have a question!

Men, do you find it easy or difficult to express/articulate your feelings to your wife?

Why or why not?


Thanks!

I find it easy to articulate them. Whether she understands what it is that I'm trying to articulate, that's a completely different matter. Let's just say that many times I end up feeling more frustrated than I was before I tried to express them to her.

I don't embarass easily.



I don't have any thoughts I would consider unmanly....heck, I don't think I can even think of one!



I bounce things off of a few trusted folks in my life...I also get as educated as possible concerning my options.



Yes. I don't feel there is any shame in tears... heck, I even remember some jobs when I was a cop that brought me to tears. I invest much of my heart and emotion in things I believe in and care for.



No.

Keep them to myself.


Just deal with my feelings internally. Feelings just are, don't realy think they either manly or not.


actually I fall back on my sense of values and life standards and then deal with it internally.



at first I would have said no. But after some clarification I have shed tears on occasion and more than likely will again.


At myself for not being able to express effectivly what I was feeling I guess. Don't know if it is from embarrasment though but maybe for allowing myself to be vulnerable.

Pep,

There is a strong tendency to ask you first are we talking about pre finding MB or post finding MB?

I will try and answer them both ways.

1. What do you do to cope with feelings that are embarrasing to you?

I don't have feelings I have an ego. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I withdraw.

Post_MB: Well maybe I have feelings, but I hide them. So really I am never embarrassed by them. I'm more likely to talk about them.

In all honesty, I have not had a problem admitting I am wrong ever. That is because of the nature of my work. I really hate staying wrong.

2. Where do you go to express those feelings that you think are not "manly"?

What feelings would those be. Fear, only after the fight is over, and only to male friends. Disappointment/failure I deal with those myself. Sadness, sometimes I can talk to my W about them. What am I missing?

3. What coping behavior(s) do you do when you question your life choices and think you might be wrong?

I admit that I am wrong, and then I set out to not stay wrong. AS for life's choices, I do my best to make the best decision I can and then live with the consequences. I may second guess, but never really regret. But, in the process of evaluating something that has changed in my life, I think about it alot. I have no need to really discuss anything unless a decision I reach is going to affect someone other than myself.

4. Do you cry in front of your woman? Why or why not?

No! She really couldn't handle it. One of the reasons I came here. Other than at funerals of friends and relatives, I never cry where someone might see me, including my W.

5. Have you ever become angry because expressing vulnerability and hurt was too embarrasing?

No! I have become angry when trying to express something deep and not being understood.

Mostly embarrassment is not an issue with me. But, I am a fairly private man and actually so are my friends.

Hope this helps.

JL

Then may I suggest you direct her to Jesus Christ as the best "example" of what "being a man" is all about?

It really does depend a lot upon someone's "worldview" and who is really "in control."

1. What do you do to cope with feelings that are embarrasing to you?

Ignore them.

2. Where do you go to express those feelings that you think are not "manly"?

Usually I just wouldn't express them anywhere or to anyone. Now though, I would express them to my wife.

3. What coping behavior(s) do you do when you question your life choices and think you might be wrong?

I try to not think about making the wrong choices. I try to just deal with the choices I've made and try to make the best of them.

4. Do you cry in front of your woman? Why or why not?

I never used to cry in front of my wife. I was raosed in a household that rarely showed emotion. I looked at crying as a weakness. I figured that it would just turn my wife off.
Now I realize that there is nothing wrong with crying in front of her. I do it quite easily now. I wish I wouldn't have held back my emotions in front of her for all those years.

5. Have you ever become angry because expressing vulnerability and hurt was too embarrasing?

Not angry, but maybe ashamed. Like I said, showing some feelings to me was a weakness. So I thought.

i wonder how many men really understood what you were asking, Pep?
I think JL did...thanks JL, your responses helped me a bit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

H and I have been struggling lately....I told me last night taht he does not have anyone to talk to about his innermost feelings...he feels like our life is spiraling out of control.
he said he feels anger and frustration, despair but is not ready or does not feel comfortable enough to explain or talk to me about it.
he puts ona strong front...goes to work, acts happy and together but....
i know he is suffering.

please keep posting, men.

Pep, you are a gem! Thanks, Mom

Well, if it helps...

1. What do you do to cope with feelings that are embarrasing to you?
If there is something I can do to fix the situation that led to the embarassment, I do that - apologize, explain, stuff like that. If there isn't, I wait for the feeling to go away.

2. Where do you go to express those feelings that you think are not "manly"?
I don't think I have a lot of feelings that aren't "manly". Sometimes I feel inadequate, or scared. If it seems that these feelings are based on something real, I address that. I don't believe my wife thinks less of me if I tell her I am scared of something, or don't know what to do. Sometimes I just feel some way or other. I look for the triggers, and deal with them. If it is just moods, I (again) wait for it to go away.

Exercise is a good way of addressing feelings, in my experience. It is hard to be depressed after a good workout, or a long walk.

3. What coping behavior(s) do you do when you question your life choices and think you might be wrong?
Much the same - examine my choices, decide if they are still correct, and evaluate the consequences of change.

Sometimes the cost of fixing a mistake is greater than not doing anything.

4. Do you cry in front of your woman? Why or why not?
I have done. But I don't cry a lot.

5. Have you ever become angry because expressing vulnerability and hurt was too embarrasing?
No.

No offense, but it seems like you are assuming a great deal. Men are different from women. Really and fundamentally. It is not a matter of talking it out, and then men will change and become more like women.

This is really how we are, and talking about it doesn't change it, and it is not necessarily a bad thing that we are this way. It has disadvantages - so does the way women react to things. It would be a mistake, I think, to assume that men are wrong to "stuff their feelings" or if they don't cry as much as women do.

YMMV. But for men, it often does not.

Regards,
rs0522

Nia,

You said
Based on what he said, I would guess he WANTS to talk to you but does not know how, or if it would be viewed as weakness and failure on his part. Otherwise, must of us guys would never even say as much as he has said.

What is your situation these days? What is his situation?

God Bless,

JL