Jim:

MEDC Got you fired up?

Imagine that..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LG

I agree with you ML and would further add that it is also insulting to FWWs around here...As if for some reason we would have a different opinion than a BS...That we are somehow such damaged goods that we are gonna take the pity side of things with a F?WW...That doesn't fly with me...Wouldn't touch that with Mr. W's 10 ft pole in fact! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jim, I agree with JL there when he told you that the advice being given is to JK, NOT to JK's husband...that advice would differ...Remember, it is EVERY BS' right to divorce over infidelity, JK has that right too, she doesn't have the right to demand anything of her husband though...that would never work anyway...Ever tried demanding something from someone? It seriously won't take you very far, and neither will "forcing" anything on someone-it might work for you temporarily, but it will bite you in the [censored] in the longrun...

Mrs. W

Hey Jim, in order to change the title of the thread, you have to go back and change it in your original post, otherwise it only changes per post...

Mrs. W

[color:"red"] Mrs W [/color]



[color:"green"] I thought the same thing ... who gives a damn who gives the advice as long as it is sound advice, and is likely to bring results ![/color]

It keeps everybody in the past. And I think it is highly disrespectful to keep reminding someone of their past. BS or WS, both have a right to be who they are today, not who they once were.

Hey Jim... you can shove your little attitude today. I said NOTHING to the poster without an invite by HER. And said nothing that most others were not saying. MEDC had you fired up. You know Jim, you are starting to sound like a real whiner. What's the matter... you need to bring me into your little hissy fit because ML handed you you lunch!?

Jim,

You seriously need to get over this.

They are separated. While you (and I) believe that he shouldn't be having sex with other women while separated it doesn't necessarily make it infidelity. Heck, if he was smart he would avoid all relationships for 2 years after divorce. But MANY people believe that if he is done with the marriage, he can do what he pleases. His wife is CHOOSING to have SF with him - no one is holding a gun to her head!!

She ABANDONED the marriage - left him TWICE for OM. She had NO RIGHT to demand ZIP. She cannot MAKE HIM choose differently.

Her ONLY option NOW is to try and become the woman who can attract him back. But right now, her husband doesn't consider himself married and is moving on. Should he divorce first? I would say yes. He would say no. But this is not an affair.

Hey Jim... I see you have chosen to attack me on another thread concerning another couple that is separated.



Funny how you chose to single me out when just about everyone else shot down your approach also. Typical response. So, Jimmy... tell me... what do you think I am bitter about. I have custody of my child... a good relationship... a new foster child...an ex that wants me back but can't compete with my new woman... tell me Jimmy, what is there to be bitter about? Now you on the other hand have a situation that could make many people bitter and have been questioned by more than a few people here about your current state of mind. Life for me is great right now and your cheap shots which attempt to discredit my opinions are a true reflection of your current state of mind.
I happen to believe if a couple is separated as a result of an A that it is up to the BS (and frankly the WS too) if they want to date. You see it as cheating... not everyone agrees with you. Perhaps that feeling you are having right now is driven by your frustration about not getting any at home??? Because frankly, I and quite a few others here can't seem to understand where your hostility has come from regarding this situation. Maybe you are a little bit too involved in your own mess right now to be offering sound advice regarding some situations... you have insulted quite a few BS here today and have been called to the carpet by BS and FWS alike. Yet, you continue to throw your jabs... okay Jimmy, throw away...I have respected you up until today... even when we disagreed. You have lost that respect today with your continued attacks and for personally singling me out repeatedly.


MEDC a BBS. (Bitter betrayed spouse)

Jimmy? How old are you? It's a shame when a 26 year old acts more maturely. I don't ask for or desire your respect. I respect myself for standing up against a bunch of BSs telling a FWS that she is unworthy to use the same tactics that we all used to break up our WS's A because she cheated first. One of the reasons she is in the predicament that she is in is in fact because she cheated. Can't deny that one. She is going to have to own her mistakes. She is going to look hypocritical for wanting her BS to not cheat on her, but that is the price she has to pay for her actions. I can only assume that she is no longer wayward because she came here looking for answers. The reason that she is not recovering with her BH now is because now he is having an affair. Well, if she wants to work on her M with him, the OW is going to have to be out of the picture first. Considering that he is having SF with jk and told her he doesn't want a D, he is just cake-eating. I'm sure that if there was no OW, he would start to work things out with jk. If he wants to move on that's understandable, but he needs to get the balls to get a D first before he starts committing the sin of adultery. You see, it doesn't matter to God who cheated first. She would be doing him a favor by putting pressure on his A to get him to end it. Even if he Ds here as a result, it is a better result than having jk be a doormat until he has had his fill of OW. I'm sure OW wouldn't appreciate being used while he plans on eventually going back to his FWW. But I guess you don't want to judge the actions of a poor BS.

Last word to you Jim... as I said before...the only reason I commented on JK's thread was by her request AFTER she read the advice I gave to TFC (which by the way was very similar to what I offered JK). Perhaps she found something of use in what she read on the TFC thread and that is why she sought out my opinion on HER thread.

MEDC SAID


Geez, do we have to get invited to advise people now. Crap, is there a membership booth that you could direct me to; oh, is there a line, crap, I don't have time for lines. Can't I just register online or something... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously though, I don't agree with cheating on the cheater. I do, however, agree that JK needs to focus on herself, REGARDLESS of a choice to D or not to D. The only control we have is of ourselves. She chose to cheat and then LEAVE for OM, and then continue to go to the same gym as OM. It sounds like she needs to understand how much damage she has done, and stop focusing on the damage her H is doing. Her efforts need to be in repairing herself.

More mature... interesting Jim since you have been anything but.... hence the name Jimmy.

Agreed.

And FTR, I don't think he should be sleeping with anyone else... but that is his call... just as it is JK's call to not sleep with him right now.

MEDC, that was my try at sarcasm. This is an OPEN forum. I feel that you do not need to JUSTIFY WHY you posted to anyone at anytime.

I agree, also, that jk's H has his own choices to make, good or bad, right or wrong, but we're not advising HIM, he's not here, jk IS, so she needs to FIX herself, the only thing she CAN control.

I got the sarcasm! The explanation was for Jim. Thanks for the follow up though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MEDC if by some miracle you get through to Jim, you should try the Techster again...

Okay, I get it, let's insult Jim for taking a hard line stance against adultery of any kind because we can't discuss the idea on it's merits. Hey, I could come up with derrogatory acronym for MEDC, but I'm above that. My position is not changing. Have a nice day.

No Jim - you most definitely do NOT get it.

jim, I don't think anyone disagrees that cheating is WRONG, I think most are stating that is their stance also, but jk's WH is not here asking for help. The only person she can change is herself. I think she needs to sit tight, and use some quiet time to think and repair herself, find out what HER problems are; probably STOP having SF with her now WH, and do a solid PLAN A, **IF** that is what she wants now.

I think forcing her way back into her WH's decimated life is not the right answer; it takes tact and cunning to win over an enemy, and right now, her WH is in no mood to take ANYTHING off of his WW. It's an F'd up sitch, to be sure, totally F'd!