I don't think anyone takes a soft stance on adultery/double betrayal/revenge adultery/whatever

it is the tactic of DEMANDING the 2nd adulterous spouse stop seeing the OP that is incorrect

why?

because it will not work
because it is anti-recovery

[color:"blue"] Demands depend on power. They don't work unless the demanding one has the power to make good on his threats. But who has power in marriage? Ideally, there is shared power, the husband and wife working together to accomplish mutual objectives. But when one spouse starts making demands-along with threats that are at least implied-it's a power play. The threatened spouse often strikes back, fighting fire with fire, power with power. Suddenly, it's a test of power-who will win the battle?

If the demanding partner doesn't have enough power to follow through with the threat, he or she often receives punishment, at least in the form of ridicule. But if power is fairly equal between a husband and wife, a battle rages until one or the other surrenders. In the end, the one meeting the demand feels deep resentment and is less likely to meet the need in the future. When the demand is not met, both spouses feel resentment. [/color]

soooooooooo

advising someone being betrayed that they DEMAND their wayward stop being a wayward is not MB advice

yanno?

Pep

No thanks BK... one is just here to blog by his own admission and the other spent the day throwing insults my (and others) way and then acts as though he was the one being attacked today....very strange. Hey, but I remember what it was like to be in my mid 20's with a cheating wife... it was stressful and hurtful time and I'm not sure I would have given any more astute advice than he is offering right now.

The difference MEDC is that you wouldn't have been a self proclaimed expert after doing it for a few months. Heck I still have a lot to learn - I'm still a newbie.

agreed!!! And me too.
Hey, how are things down under?

Pep,

I'm not saying that she should DEMAND anything, but rather not allow herself to be a doormat because she screwed up. I am saying that she should expose (mostly to OW whom her WH is using) and use her legal right to get back into her marital house so it is easier to work on her M. Same thing we teach all (well, almost all) BSs around here. That is my opinion. I understand if you disagree with me, Pep. No offense taken.

As for me, some people pick these things up quicker than others.

Pretty good MEDC - we just returned from a 3 week trip to your beautiful country. Met up with some MB friends - had a blast...


I've noticed that Jim.

[b] [color:"green"] no worries Jim

I think I'll go have 'sex with the captain' now

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