I'm not trying to KICK you, IHC.

But, I, personally, have problems with this.

GOD hates DIVORCE.

How do you know that it is not SATAN that is encouraging you to MOVE FORWARD?

IMO, EVIL FORCES TRY TO DESTROY MARRIAGES...

mimi,

I think I have had a slight epiphany today...what I am viewing as moving on is probably just a really efficient plan B. I am not giving up hope...it is just buried really deeply...protected. I was talking to a friend and she said this to me:

"Can I still be your best friend if I am still hoping for you and H to get back together."

I told her that in truth, that is my deepest, deepest desire. That all of the maneuvering I am doing is really just surface stuff.

I am in no rush (as I seemed to be before) to push my D forward...it will progress to that soon enough due to his filing for it. (which he did do in response to my LS papers) Legally I have everything set for me right now..re custody, CS etc.

Selling the house is a natural step at this point...both financially and emotionally. I believe you did this as well during your plan B

I guess the talk with my friend helped me realize I have not given up all hope. But the moving forward for me isn't about dating or finding someone else...it is really the next step in protecting my love for H until WH disappears.

I guess I willneed to resume the darkness of plan B and not let him have access to me.

I think all the things I have been feeling are what I am supposed to be feeing in Plan B. It is helping me to LET GO, that is the better phrase for what I am feeling...not moving forward.

Is this making any sense to anyone in Plan B...

Please respond...

IHC

GREAT!!! THANK GOD!!!

You were trying to PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THE HURT!!

Have you read what LA has been talking to me about??

About the FANTASY OF THAT ARMOR???

About how you will come out of this learning that you have YOURSELF???

That GOD is right there holding you IN HIS ARMS??? HE'S ALL YOU NEED TO GET BY....

I'll bump up that thread for you...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think you were doing the FLIGHT response...in reaction to FEAR..

I've listened to what you've said and could hear some hope left. You've said that you're not closing the door on the possibility of his return. I think that's good.


What you say makes sense to me, especially if you are not going to aggressively push your divorce forward. I think you are working your plan B right, and that what you are feeling is normal. I heard from many different people that once in Plan B, you may decide that you don't want your spouse back. If that happens for you, and you may well have good reasons for that, you know it's not your fault.

That seems to me to be a very accurate, self-aware post. I'm happy that you've reached where you are.

SDG

I think the release I am feeling is the release to live again...to be free...to be me again. I deep down really loved my true H...not this thing that has been him the last 4-5 years.

The hope is there...just buried deep..protected from the WH and his stupidity. This is plan B...I don't really care what he does...I just hope deep down that one day he will get it...

I am glad that all this is making sense to me and that I am somehow explaining it the right way.

Does it sound right?

IHC

IHC, makes perfect sense. That is what I am trying to accomplish right now. A sense of peace in my decision is coming, I can feel it. I think, for me, I have the bumps to get over before Plan B magic takes hold. I feel miles above where I did yesterday.

I feel peace today. I think that is what you have been getting at.

I think the release I am feeling is the release to live again...to be free...to be me again. I deep down really loved my true H...not this thing that has been him the last 4-5 years. I am not afraid of divorce...I am not afraid of him not coming home..Iam not afraid at all anymore.

The hope is there...just buried deep..protected from the WH and his stupidity. This is plan B...I don't really care what he does...I just hope deep down that one day he will get it...

I am glad that all this is making sense to me and that I am somehow explaining it the right way.

Does it sound right? Isn't this the whole goal of plan B?

IHC

sdg



There is no benefit for pushing the divorce...I am already receiving all the benfits of being on my own - financially that is..so it would change nothing for me.


I am glad I was able to fit all these pieces of the puzzle together. This is where I am supposed to be. I don't hate WH..he doesn't affect me anymore...he does not have power over me anymore. Doing all the peripheral stuff...selling the house, etc is just pushing him further into the dark of my plan B.

I am glad that I am moving slowly with all of this...we all would be in a world of hurt if we never thought through things...just like a WS!

Hopefully I will continue to realize the full potential of plan B

silent,

I believe you have had this feeling before...that is why you give such good feedback for those in plan B! You know that you are getting there again. Your WH just keeps throwing those curve balls at you!



YES. I get it! That is what I have been experiencing! I am doing the happy dance!!!!

This explains why I was feeling so sad, thinking it meant the end (D) to be free...hope really is still there, just safe, hidden from the storm so to speak!!!

whew!

Here is a new story for the I broke plan B saga...

WH has been calling incessantly over the last week about his taxes...apparently he cannot claim all the rental property stuff due to the M filing separately issue. So, he is going to owe about 3000.00. (awww, I'm sad) Anyway he was trying to get me to change my filing status to M filing jointly so he wouldn't get stuck with a "bill" to the IRS.

I kindly told him I would check into with my tax lady...even though I never intended to help him out with this. He called everyday several times a day to see if I had contacted her yet. I played phone tag with the tax lady.

Finally Tues. I told him he should just file a continuance if he wanted to. He calls yesterday (deadline people) 2 times to let me know that he had been told if you are getting money back you don't have to file (duh!)

I TM'ed him back saying "I won't be amending so you should file 2nite sorry"

Immediately he called me, but I did not answer...so within 10 minutes he was at my house!

Conversation went something like this...

WH: Does your dog have its shots?
Me: Yes, why did she bite you?
WH: yes
Me: did you try to come in the gate?
WH: yes

(DUH!!! the dog was barking like mad at him...who in their right mind would enter a yard that has a dog clearly not wanting you in it's space? And, hello she does not know you...you ar NOT a part of this family!, this is not your home!)

WH: don't you feel a little bit guilty about this?

me: No not really. It's really not my problem

WH: can't you just put aside all your anger and revenge

me: I am not angry or trying to get revenge. I just don't think it is my job to fix your problems anymore.

WH: no, I'm talking about back in Jan when you filed.

me: In jan. you gave me 450.00 for the whole month. I had to file so that I could pay my bills and feed my children.

WH: something to the effect of me punishing him...

me: I am not trying to punish you, Why did I tell you I w3anted to sell the house? Becaus eit would help you out financially (and me too)

WH: so how much money are we talking about?

me: that is really none of your business

WH reaches back to check his leg and is bleeding...later calls to tell me that the bite is the size of a quarter.

Hope he doesn't try to get her put down...or sue!

Fast forward to today...

OW calls me on my cell phone...I don't know her # so I answer it as it is also my work cell...

OW: Hi IHC this is OW. I just want to let you know that I don't appreciate you geting your church freinds to call WH and try to get him to come home to you

Me: I don't know what you are talking about

OW: well, I don't appreciate people calling from your church calling him trying to get him to come home

Me: I didn't ask anyone to call him...(then I realize I do not care to be talking to her) You know what, I am not having this conversation with you.

I then hung up.

She called back a few minutes later and my boss, who is also my pastor's wife, answered.

She is literally screaming and using profanities. Boss: I'm sorry, wait, who is this...

OW hangs up

Boss calls my WH and lets him know she "accidentally" answered my phone and a very irate woman was saying some very unkind this..etc, etc. Sorry I just wanted you to know I accidentally answered her phone since we have the same phone. (hangs up)

OW calls cell phone again...I do not answer, she leaves no message.


WOW what an eventful day...and I found all of it quite amusing actually. The only part that was hard was the confrontation telling WH no. I am mostly a very pleasnat go with the flow person. But I stood up for me!

Sorry it is so long...

SL says <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You moved out, you dang fool!

So do you see your mistakes?

Are you going back into PLAN B...'cause ALL IS NOT WELL with the infidels and he is coming to you to seek RELIEF..to give himself REASONS to continue the AFFAIR...

Where's Eav?

Her thread started out because of my call out to MM about her taxes..

Should she BREAK PLAN B to help with the taxes?

The answer..NO...

OH MY, IHC.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

BELIEVE IN MBers...TRY TO STICK TO THE PLAN..NO MATTER WHAT!!

I'm reading this just shaking my head stunned at the idocy and brazenness of WS's and OP's. I have no idea what to even say!

I can't believe the OW CALLED you!!!! Repeatedly! How sick is that??? I didn't know OW's would even do things like that, I thought they liked to pretend that the wife and family don't exist. I agree that her call has got to spell trouble in affairland. "My honey is broke and mad and realizing that if he was home where he was supposed to be, he wouldn't have that problem ... and now people are calling him telling him he should be home where he might start listening to them .... he's sure not listening to me, so I better call his wife and get her out of the picture myself before he does something stupid .... "


Mimi,

You're the queen of Plan B ... what could she have done differently? He showed up at her house (love that the dog attacked him, btw.). Kids there, I assume ... do you just leave him banging on the door? Call the police? What? How do you maintain Plan B in that case (especially after she's been a litle loose with it recently)?

What's her next move to get back to a good plan B?

-AmI.

AND THIS!!!

Bear with me in my frustration here...

Plan B is about Marriagebuilding..sticking to the PLAN in the BATTLES to RECOVER your Marriage...in the WAR AGAINST THE AFFAIR...



IHC, Why are you REPORTING this to us? Do you want assistance with staying in PLAN B? Do you know that PLAN B is not SUPPOSED to be an ON and OFF PLAN? Do you know that the GOAL of PLAN B is to remain in PLAN B until the WAYWARD ENDS THE AFFAIR?



So right off we know that he DISRESPECTS YOU..does not take you seriously about PLAN B..HOW IS HE ABLE TO CALL YOU INCESSANTLY? Why are you allowing him to do this to you? Can you turn off your ringer? Can you leave your phone on voicemail? HOW ANNOYING, INTRUSIVE AND DISRESPECTFUL!! This is not PLAN B which is supposed to be NO CONTACT AND DARKNESS.....



There is just so much WRONG with this..you know too much information about HIS PROBLEMS..this man who ABANDONED his FAMILY for another woman wants HELP from you and wants to TAKE ADVANTAGE OF BEING MARRIED TO YOU although he wants to be with ANOTHER WOMAN and ACT UNMARRIED..MARRIAGE FOR CONVENIENCE PURPOSES ONLY TO FRAUD THE GOVERNMENT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />



First of all, why did you even TALK to him after he was SOOO DISRESPECTFUL and RUDE to you? Then, you took precious time out of your life to TRY TO TALK TO THE TAX LADY..and you were not planning on HELPING HIM? What was the point of calling her??



HA on YOU, IHC!! I'm sorry. YOU ARE TOTALLY OUT OF PLAN B!! THE PLAN IS A SHAM AT THIS POINT!! You are totally in his control. This is NOT JUST ABOUT TAXES....



SORRY?? What do YOU have to be SORRY ABOUT????

You are meeting ENs big time, IHC. You are continuing to BE THE WIFEY!! He is not feeling the consequences of PLAN B. He is supposed to have to rely on the OW NOW to help him with LIFE MANAGEMENT. He continues to have both of you..HER FOR FUN..YOU FOR MANAGEMENT..and you have fallen into the TRAP for some reason....



OF COURSE he was at your house..You've allowed him to disrespect you. Plan B is a SHAM. He's coming to get MORE NEEDS MET...seeing you for one thing... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The OW is threatened because PLAN B was working and he was missing you and wanting his WIFEY to HELP HIM and SHE DID...

YIKES!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I don't consider myself the QUEEN OF PLAN B. I broke PLAN B BIG TIME..SF with my WH right in the middle of it...But I can say that I went back into the DARKNESS...

I understand wholeheartedly that PLAN B takes HARD WORK, COMMITMENT AND CONVICTION. I'm having a thing about it not being TAKEN SERIOUSLY. It is an IMPORTANT and KEY MARRIAGEBUILDING PLAN..with lots of VALUE and CRUCIAL to AFFAIRBUSTING...

When I did break PLAN B, I was ready for the IDES OF MBers.. I knew that I had made a MAJOR, MAJOR MISTAKE...and I want IHC and others to know that...

So it is NOT AT ALL SURPRISING TO ME THAT her WH showed up at the house. It was HIS BREAK. He gained the UPPER HAND IN THE BATTLE...

How to go back into PLAN B?

I would say start all over again...with another letter...

If he shows up at the house, DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR and HE WILL GO AWAY..and if he doesn't and makes a scene, YES, CALL THE POLICE!!!

Tell the dog was trying to bite him in the AZZ but couldn't reach it as it was on top of his shoulders.

I hope OM never calls me.....I was going to say more but think I will stop right there and let your mind fill in the blank.

Keep the plan B dark, dark, dark.....IHC.

Mimi, I hope I'm not coming across as challenging you, because that's not at all what I intend. I'm asking just out of clarity -- I certainly have no idea how to advise anyone on a good Plan B, and I'm the type who needs a pretty detailed script to follow. I think you seem to be prety versed in providing good Plan B scripts!

Maybe it's not my place to ask these questions, IHC might already have it figured out... but here I go, anyway.


Another normal plan B letter ... with all the normal PBL parts in it? Or should she address the recent isssues -- like the taxes, calls from OW, etc., and say something like what you said about her H only wanting to be married when it's convenient and to defraud the government (I loved that line, btw). Or does she just say something simple like "I've realized it still hurts too much to have contact with you so please go back to using the intermediary until you're ready to meet the conditions in the previous letter."


Since IHC had planned to give up on Plan B and just be done, she's made the moves to allow the recent contact -- does that change how she should respond to him & get back into Plan B? And what about the recent revalations of multiple previous A's? Will that change the conditions she should put on coming out of Plan B?


And what about the OW calling her? That is still completely blowing my mind! I think I'd file a restraining order or harassment charges or something like that, but I've been known to over-react. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


-AmI.

(I'm smiling) It would be JUST FINE to CHALLENGE me. I'm just another person out here LEARNING and GROWING.



ME, TOO!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't know the RIGHT ANSWERS to your questions...

But, I THINK (scratching my head) that she should KEEP IT SIMPLE..Basically, she WANTS THE MARRIAGE..TO PROTECT HER LOVE FOR HIM..SHE WILL HAVE NO CONTACT UNTIL HE ENDS HIS AFFAIR...

Been gone a while...moved over the weekend...to a beautiful 4 bed 3 bath home on the complete opposite side of town (compared to the side we have always lived on). The house is amazing and I am getting a great deal on rent! the kids love it and so do I. Finally no more sharing a room with my daughter!

Still in the process of unpacking, but I look forward to going home each day now compared to dreading it! 750 sq. feet for a family of 6 is too small.

More to come...gotta go