There would be outrage because murder is WRONG but I don't think it would be quite the same.

This is like killing the child your spouse molested.

Ok, "technically" he was an "adult" at the ripe old age of 18. She was in a custodial position (school teacher) at the start of the relationship. It was unequal from the start and statutory rape imho.

The only one that's getting off in this sick situation is the one person who wasn't a victim at any time.

Tragic.

Mys

I am shocked to hear how many people want to kill th OP.
what is that all about?. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

scares me!

I always held my H accountable for his actions.

Hey, don't look at me. I don't understand it either.

Though in this case, I think this kid was doubly victimized. First by his teacher who was in a position of trust. Then by her BH who, by the way, was also studying to be a teacher and should have made much better choices (waiting for the police to come and pressing charges, for example.)

If I had to rank order the victims in this I'd put them:

- children of the marriage who are now left without any responsible parent (that woman is not a responsible parent)

- the 18 year old kid who was raped by his teacher then shot by her enraged H

- the H who will likely be a convicted felon. His dreams of teaching are long gone now...

- society who has to stand back and watch the one person who orchestrated this tragedy walk off into the sunset and we're supposed to feel sorry for her because she tried to kill herself. Right.


Mys

I wasn't looking at you MYS...i know we differ on a few things but I think our general feeling about life are very similar.

I very much agree w/ you on this.
tragedy all the way around and the one person i see as most accountable is having a pity party for herself....

yet, some people here actually understand and identify w/ the H for killing the boy. I think it's nuts.

He was a minor... 17 years old when this began.

My son is 19.

As soon as he started getting interested in girls, I talked to him (casually, briefly, and often) about how important honesty is in any relationship. I told him that if he wanted to date every girl he met, that was fine, as long as he was up front with the girls that that's what he was doing.

We still talk about this kind of thing. He has always had just one girlfriend at a time and seems to be very happy when he is "attached" to just one, as he is now.

I have heard him talk about how rotten it is when the guys and girls cheat on their "steadies" and how he doesn't have any patience for that.

Case in point: At last year's prom, he took a girl that he really liked but had only been seeing for a short time. This was a stunningly beautiful girl and on prom night she looked just like Belle from *Beauty and the Beast.* DS19 was walking on cloud nine.

The next day, I talked to him about how prom went, etc. He said he was not going to see "Belle" anymore.

???

"Well, at the after-party at another kid's house, I saw her kissing another guy."

Mom says, "Oh - well - you know, you haven't been seeing her very long and sometimes people do stupid things. Is it possible you two could work it out?"

"No. I'd always have to worry about her doing it again."

He never saw her again.

And more recently, he was going off on how one of his guy friend's girlfriends was just "controlling" him and "kept his manhood in her purse" and things like that.

Well, that didn't sound good, especially in light of the example DS19's father sets for him when it comes to women, so I asked DS19 what he meant by that.

"Well, you see, when me and (my girlfriend) want to do something, we talk about it and figure it out. (Friend's) girlfriend just tells him what to do and then gets mad if he doesn't. That's not right!"

Mom was sure proud that day (which was just last week, actually.) Sounds like the boy figured out POJA all on his own!

So - to answer your question, I'd like to think I raised my son better than to get involved with a married woman, sleep in his car in front of her house and then try to barge into her home to see her while her husband is present.

Mulan
P.S. DS19 doesn't rob banks, either.

I think it is First Degree Murder. He could have shot him in the kneecaps and waited for the police to come and get the intruder.

I think his wife's life will be a living he!! now. She's lost her career, her husband, her toyboy, possibly her kids and definitely her reputation.

I can see a movie in this (sadly).

Temporary insanity - a good lawyer will get him off with the right jury. The more female BS on it the better.

When I think back now, I realise I may have been temporarily insane to some degree for a while after each D-Day of the VLTA. These were very confusing, overwhelming and depressive/manic periods. I hurt no one, thank God, but I could have if the opportunity had presented itself at the right time and in the right way.

In fact, if OM had shown up at my house and tried to get in I very well may have gone out to his car with my 12 gauge. And what could have happened then is anyone's guess.

ed: If he had only shot OM while he was at the door and then drug him a bit inside he would not be under any indictment at all. That he did not do this is evidence of temporary insanity right there.

again.....i am just in SHOCK over how people HOLD the OP responsible for their WH or WW's CHOICE.
it's crazy to me.

is anyone ouit there a shrink? what does this say about people?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Asked my 14 year old son about this stuff yesterday. Seems he clearly understands that it would be wrong to have sex with a teacher.

Wonder why that boy didnt know at age 17?

I dont hold the OP responsible for what the WP does...I hold the OP responsible for what they do!!

And for being incredibly stupid!!!!

I wonder why your W didn't know it was wrong at age 30 something, and with a loving husband and four children at home.

Asked my MIL that very question in the middle of the affair.

Of course, that didnt go over well!!

I just made the comment there because too many want to think that teenagers are just too young to understand. They understand. We give them too little credit...and blame!

Added to that...in the military, I used to get all of these new soldiers, 18 year olds, fresh from their momma's home. And I tell you...sometimes I wonder what is going on out there. Many of the problems with these guys...I didnt blame them as much as I blamed their parents.

But in the end...they still are responsible for their own actions...even if their parents screwed up.

Nia - it says that powerful and primal emotions are called into play when someone feels their family is being threatened and intruded upon.

The instinct in a normal healthy person is to save and protect their family, not destroy it.

If the BS attacks the WS and forces them out, that destroys the family and is counterproductive.

But if the BS attacks the OP and forces THEM out, then the family has a chance of being saved.

That's why there is so much rage aimed at OP - because they are intruders who can and will destroy the family.

The question of whether the BS wants to stay with someone who was stupid enough to allow OP into the family in the first place is something that will come up later.

But the instinct of the BS is virtually always to protect and preserve the family. Family includes the WS, so the rage is not directed so much at them. Family does NOT include the OP, so the brunt of the rage goes straight to them as the intruders and destroyers that they are.
Mulan

Possibly because he had problems at home, had parents who weren't there for him physically, spiritually or emotionally... maybe he'd been sexually molested, abandoned or abused at some time in his life... maybe he had mental or emotional problems... who knows?

Look, when my first H cheated on me, I took my chubby body, packed our three young children in the Pinto, and stalked the OW. I parked across the street from her house and BLARED the cassette she gave my (then)H. She lived with her parents and was a pre-school teacher with two young children of her own.

I hated her guts and wanted her to suffer. Could I have killed her? I don't *think* so, but I was certainly angry and hurt enough to do it. I really DO understand the devistation.

The thing is, I was also a young woman once... a very messed up young woman who'd been sexually molested, had a bad example of what marriage meant, was depressed, blah, blah, blah... and made some whoppin' bad decisions... as I did when I got older, too (example: my own infidelity late in my first marriage)...

I feel bad for everyone involved in this story. That's my point. I understand all sides. It's sad and sickening.

One more thing...I have handed weapon systems capable of killing hundreds of people at a time to 17 and 18 year olds and made them responsible for using them the right way. If I can trust them to do that...why are they too young to understand what adultery is?

Agreed!

I made my own stupid mistakes when I was young. Some that could have (and almost did) kill me and/or others. But I knew what I was doing. Knew they were wrong. And if I had gotten hurt or killed...I could only blame myself!!

Nia17,

The universe is filled with consequences to choices and actions. It loves, is based on in fact, cause and effect.

You may agree with the esthetics of some consequences and disagree with others.


When someone, even a child, plays with fire, s/he will likely get burnt. Right?

It’s like, err, quantum physics. It is likely to happen, may not for a while, but it will happen eventually.

ed: (Actually, it is Quantum Physics.)

It’s the way things really work. Even in the human mind, in the human condition.

Adultery has many levels and degrees of severity to consequences. This is one example of an extreme consequence.

And, it is an object lesson to other adulterers, active and potential, the universe provided, gratis. Sort of a life lesson for the rest of us, huh.

Weigh all your potential consequences and then decide.

And this BH now faces his consequences.

IMO, if BH can effectively plead temporary insanity and the system agrees with him, more power to him.

I mean, the Twinkie defense worked in a particularly egregious robbery-homicide. Why not extreme mental anguish in this case?

IMO

Mortarman,


So, if your 14 year old son were molested by a teacher, you'd consider him an adulterer?

I wouldn't.

What happens in the military if a drill sergeant sleeps with one of his cadets who's in basic training?

Mys

Well no matter how you slice it or dice it the WW in this situation is a rapist and she overstepped marriage and professional boundaries. The WW in this case is a sexual predator.

I think people are trying to make it like another WS/OP situation when it is not. Starting an A with a 17 year old student is entirely different situation. It is up to the WW wife to maintain those professional boundaries. That is why the consequences in these cases are much more sever, which include losing your teacher's license and what I consider the big one REGISTERING AS A SEX OFFENDER.

What would have prevented this tragedy is if someone would have turned the WW in to the proper authorities when it was discovered she was having the affair. That would have ended anything because the WW would have been a lot of legal trouble and possibly some jail time. No matter how much it hurts the BS the WW is a sexual predator and belongs in prison for having an affair with a minor.

Legally the child was a minor when the A started and she was the adult, and was trusted to make responsible decisions.

The real tragedy here is that these WS teachers just think it alright to have affairs with minor students. The state, district, and schools trust that these teachers will teach these students and not engage in an A with them. Who is protecting our children from these predators while they are in school?