Yup.

You never heard of BS's fog?

That's one of the best reasons to work Plan B.

It helps you to get rid of that fog.

Give you a clearer perspective.

You need Plan B so very badly.

~ Marsh

so i just kick her out?

please tell me about a BS fog?

Yup.

Tell her she has a week or two to find herself another place to live.

You deserve to be loved.

You matter!

~ Marsh

NC

This was supposed to be posted earlier. Sorry. . .

In my opinion;

1. You are needy. She knows it.
2. She is working you on that basis for whatever it is she wants, likely money.
3. Women don't respect needy men very much.
4. Your kid needs you.

So, get a grip, be in charge of yourself and get on with our life.

Just my opinion.

Yes, kick her out, aka grow a pair. BS fog: I had it bad. I couldn't think I was so mixed up. Talk about scrambled brains. That was me. I had NOT found this place yet. I talked to a guy at the suicide hotline who got me straight.

The points I remember are:

1. Get your head on straight. Forget her, think of you and the kids. What is best for YOU and the kids. She isn't thinking of you, she is thinking of herself.

2. Figure out what YOU want. If it is her, tell her exactly what you want and do not compromise. She either gives you what you want, without exception and without holding back or kick her [censored] out.

3. Life will go on with or without her. But the kids need a healthy dad and a healthy mom. If she isn't going to get her head on straight, that isn't your problem it is her's and the kid's, so at least you can be there for them.

4. She screwed up, not you. You are under no obligation to repair her problem. She is trying to make her problem your problem, don't buy it.

Well, I thought about it for about ten minutes and asked a couple of clarifying questions. I realized that I had hocked my manhood and needed to go to the pawn store and get them back, right now. I hoisted them up and called my wife who was out "Shopping." I said: "Get it home, I have made up my mind what and where I am and what I am going to do."

She did, madder than all get out. That made no difference. I simply said: "Get rid of him or I am gone right now, and I will not come back." I said some other stuff that isn't important to your situation near as I can tell.

She got rid of him immediately. I gave her a set of instructions and boundaries. To this day she follows them without exception. I love her. She says she loves me and acts like it.

It doesn't always work. It did for me. Your mileage may vary. But your life will be screwed up as Hogan's goat until you take charge of it. So will your kid's.

Larry

TJ - Larry, do you care if I borrow your plan for a thread?

NC,

I will ask you the same thing many people asked me at about this same point.

Are you sure of NC? There just seems to be something keeping her from buying back into your M.

Plan B does sound like the way to go here buddy. I think a few nights on one her friends coaches would hit home with her.

Believer:

Anything that will help anybody, is theirs to use. I don't post any copyrights - help yourself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Larry

There IS a way for you to do PLAN B, NC...

My WW had a 4 month A, that ended about 4 hours after I separated our finances, told her she had 1 week to move out, told her she had 2 weeks to get new health and car insurance, and that I was never speaking to her again if she continued her relationship with OM. Plan B her *ss, NC.

Well, what about him? Huh? If you suspect contact, then you need 2 find out if there is contact. You need 2 either stop worrying about it, or establish it's there so you can do something about it if it is.


Typical fog latin. Blow this off.


More fog latin. What's she doing about it, if she really doesn't want 2 be M'd? huh? She isn't getting out, is she?


A pathetic start is still a start. If she's really in NC, then it's only been recently. And if it's recent, it's not surprising she's talking like this still. Heck, my W said something like this just last month.


Good.


Maybe she can someday, but probably not now. This may indeed be time 2 plan B.


It sounded like an oppor2nity for a plan A statement or 2 from here. Was it?


Yep. You're not done yet.


Sounds like you didn't answer her question, 2 me.


This is decent plan A behavior, believe it or not.


Understandable.


In the end, it always matters. 2 you, and 2 your son. Maybe someday, even 2 your W.


No. But all WSs are this way. At least while they are WSs.


Then cut back on the makeup sex for a while. I did, and it helps.


Your call, ultimately. You'll know a lot more in a year.


Friendship is pretty nifty, 2, though.


Why does a cow [censored] through it's [censored]? Some questions aren't worth getting your bowels in an uproar over.


Right... ...and you think you're susceptible?


Only because you're not a fish. I'm betting you'll be a great "catch" as a H at some point, very soon.


"I cooked your food
I cleaned your house
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind, unselfish loving deeds?!!

Hah?. . .

Well you just wait
They'll find you yet
And when they do they'll
Put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!

And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!"

But more importantly:


Yes you will. The difficulty will be in determining which it will be. But since it's not really important who you love again, but that you can, the good news is that you even2ally will.


And so the question remains, how do you live in a loving marriage? Get another one? Or fix this one? And if you decide 2 fix this one, how do you do that? Make ultimatums? Or live by example what you believe a loving marriage should look like?


Well, I don't do that Jesus stuff, but I will keep you in my thoughts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

=ol' 2long

Did you ever EXPOSE to the OM's NEW BRIDE?

NC

I guess you are at the place and time where you have got to make a decision, that if her actions have not been improving for some time then its probably a clear case of contact. You need to find that out. If you don't want to do that then I guess your only alternatives are stark ... keep doing what you are doing or the big D.

What about looking at what you have been doing. Ok Now.. has it worked?

That ans is obviously NO.

Its also obvious you are at the end of your tether and ready to just end the M any time soon. So if that is the case what do you have to loose by trying 180 or Plan B????
I'm no expert on 180 so perhaps someone who knows this in detail can review your sit and see if its appropriate, maybe plan B is better. BUT something has to change or you will simply say thats it sooner rather than later or go slowly mad doing what you are doing..

I do have to say if she is still feeling this after all this time then I'd say CONTACT is going on, even infrequently.
Every time you get close to calling her on it she drags you back in with words or sf or whatever and THAT is typical WS behaviour on the cake walk trail. It did sound hopeful a week or so ago however she is again reverting to the 'I love you but not that way' talk again. CLASSIC.

So I suggest its time to take her at her word to see if it gets her to buy into trying to repair the M.
Doesn't want to be M? ok fine..go get a job you have X weeks and then move out & live as not married.
Don't argue be firm not loud, just firm and let her see your sadness. However first get darn good solid advice on this from professionals.

On your DS, you keep your child with you and you don't leave, she does.

Also I'm not sure your MC is doing you much good from your comments, have you been going for some time? I almost get the inference from your comments that your MC is trying to make you feel ok about D or separation. May be well intentioned but is that what YOU want?

However I really really think you should think about trying one of the Harley's over the phone. CONTACT them and see what they say. A lawyer will cost $1000's so a few hundred even on phone calls may be a great investment.

If plan B is the recommendation & I feel its likely, then SHE MUST GO... a job will make her see how the real world is perhaps.

NC,
when you stated that you were no longer going to accept the treatment being offered to you by your WW, that is what got her attention. You said "I don't need you to disrespect and hurt me and I choose not to accept it any more."

She tested your resolve with the SF and asking if you were no longer going to taker care of her. I believe that what she believes she learned was how to manipulate you successfully. It sounds to me like it may well be time for you to planB and let her see what it is like to not have you meet her needs. You know she had (is having) an affair, you do not need her to demonstrate that it is over, you need her to demonstrate that she is committed to you and your M. But if you are her, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

and if you did ... was it only one time? Give the details of exposure.

Pep

NC:

I'm not sure you are telling the WHOLE story...

Isn't it true that the OM is open about your wife being his mistress and she is willing to go along with that?

So isn't it PROBABLE that there is continued contact and she wants you to AGREE to this TRIANGLE or FOURSOME...with you being her FRIEND..ADDITIONAL PROVIDER..and FATHER of her SON...and OM is the SUGAR DADDY/CASANOVA/ ...

Why have you not EXPOSED to his WIFE or contacted her about his initial contact with your wife soon AFTER HIS WEDDING????

I'm concerned that NC is repeating his same story to new folks that he shared months and months ago.

Months and months ago there were such scenarios with his WW..same old..same old...

How long ago was this, NC?

NC, I'm so concerned about your ENABLEMENT of this AFFAIR and how she is SOOOO PLAYING you...and the option you want to choose is DIVORCE rather than PLAN B..and it will be D unless you do PLAN B...maybe that's what you want..because you yourself are being ENTICED by OW and that is OLD, too...

Be honest with us, NC....

guys.......just checking in a bit..............yes mimi i agree with you maybe i am an enabler............and i need to RE EXPOSE because i did.

Will respond soon as i get back from shoot. Doing some stuff for FOX sports network......

Sorta a really busy week.

I am off for a couple days. Will get back to you all..........OK on things to do list GROW SOME BALLS........gotcha.

i really appreciate the 2 x 4

i am effecting Plan B in 1 .5 weeks time.

have it all set up since last nite.

WW was very alert and start with calling me H and all sorta thing........wierd.

never let on to what i was doing.

Or planning to do.

Getting legal advice this afternoon from a lawyer buddy of mine.

guys.... i am off till friday. will try to check in while on the road.