Mark, is that anything like "no time like the present."? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I haven't been able to verify OM is at work yet, will email when I know.

why are you waiting? There is such a thing as an inbox... email him and get this over with now.

DITTO!

MEDC,

Sam' t'ing.

W2BF,

Send the email now and it will be waiting for him.

Mark

W2BF...

C'MON...Now my rep's on the line here, I defended you to a MB friend of mine last night...I said that you would do this today...DO NOT LEAVE ME WITH EGG ON MY FACE OVER THIS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

SEND THE EMAIL-NOW...It is NOT your job to protect OM from the consequences of his actions..ie having an affair with a married woman!!! You send the email and to he11 with anyone else reading it!!! That actually might be the BEST thing, as affairs THRIVE in secrecy and if someone on his end knew, it would remove that veil!!! Which would further protect both of you from yourselves...DO IT W2BF...It is the first step to regaining your integrity!!!

What say you? I will take NO EXCUSES and anything other than "I SENT IT" is just that...A BIG, FAT, HAIRY EXCUSE!!! Here I stand in your corner...DO IT!!!

Mrs. W

...And W2BF, that email better NOT say anything more than something to this effect..."Out of respect for my marriage and family I wish to NEVER have contact with you again for the rest of my life...Do not attempt to call, email, write or contact me in any other way that you may dream up...I love my husband and family..."

THAT'S IT-SHORT, CLIPPY AND TO THE POINT...NO "ILYS" OR MUSHY CRAPPOLA...NOTHING ELSE...YOU DIG???

Mrs. W

W2BF,

Yesterday you said the only thing that was keeping you from ending the A was misplaced guilt.

Doesn't look as though THAT'S what's stopping you today.

~ Marsh

I should have placed a bet on this. Looks like I could have won some $....

Mark

Mrs. W<~~~tapping fingernails on table~still holding out for a positive here~I'd like to be your cheerleader W2BF, you gonna let me???

Mrs W,

At this point, even if she came in here and said she sent an email to OM ending the A, I would not believe her for a second.

Which is what is going to be her H's problem with all of this. Her believability right know is zero in my book.

Maybe she'll be back in three more years or so.

C'mon, W2BF...Prove that I'm wrong! Show us that you mean it and are willing to do the RIGHT thing instead of the FEEL GOOD EASY WAY OUT thing.

Mark

Mrs. W,
Thank you for your vote of confidence. You will not have egg on your face. I know you suggest sending the email even when I know OM is not there to receive it yet. I'm sorry, but I will wait until he responds to my "are you there" email.
With that said, I took what I think Pep said which was: What we did was wrong. I regret everything about our sin. The adultery stops today. There will be no contact again.
God says "Do Not Commit Adultery", therefor I cannot.

Mark,
It's a good thing you didn't bet cause you would have lost your [censored].....

I am on Pacific Time, lots of day left for me. OM will contact, I'm sure he's in meetings...

Again, thanks to the few who are supporting me.

W2BF

Mrs. W,
Do you mind sharing with me your story?

W2BF

W2BF,

I'm willing to lose a bet over this. I just don't understand why you need to wait for contact to send a no contact message...???!

I think a lot of people are supporting you. I want nothing more than to support you in an effort to save your M, but it all starts with NC. Until that is done, it's just tire smoke (wheels spinning and going nowhere.)

Send the email. I think a registered letter would be better, myself, but make it happen....today....It's already Thursday in Kiwi Land....

Mark

Mark,
A registered letter takes to much time to get to him. Besides, 3 years ago when I ended it, by phone, I then sent a no contact letter and found out later he threw it away without reading it. Atleast with an email I know he'll see the words atleast once.

Do both!!

You have more people pulling for you that you think.

Don't delay.

You have not and can not offer one credible explanation as to why you haven't yet sent that email. You sound like a child making excuses... what difference does it make if he is sitting at his desk when you send the email? He will read it when he opens his account. You obviously have some serious issues with committment.
Did you in the email that you must already have waiting in your draft box tell him that

there is to be no further contact for life
that you will be changing your phone numbers and email addresses
that you made a mistake by having the affair
that you love your husband and family
that any further contact from him will be considered harassment and the authorities will be notified

have you already made plans to or have you already changed phone numbers and email accounts?

what are you waiting for?

W2BF -


I submit that you may not understand the purpose of a NC letter. In the end, it's not for him. It's not even really for you. It's for your BH. Whether OM reads it or not is irrelevant. Whether he abides by it or not is irrelevant.

What is relevant is whether or not you will abide by it. In other words, if you will never contact him in any method again, if you will not accept, acknowledge or return any contact from him.

It's a first step in demonstrating your willigness to severe contact and commit to working on your marriage with your husband.

In my case, OM sent the NC letter back unopened. I believe that he knew it was coming, but whether or not he did doesn't matter. It was sent. It was (and is) up to my wife to maintain NC.

You're getting solid advice and support from Marshmellow and Mrs Wondering. Listen to them and follow their guidance - they've both been down this road and recovered.

So what happens after no contact? I've been there before. I've lied, deceived, sneaked....I don't want to do that anymore. I don't feel like working on my marriage, it's been in an "endure" state for so many years, it feels like it's not worth it, but I know it would be the greatest thing that could happen if it could recover.
I really don't want any 2x4's, I'm sure someone has felt like this?
Yes, I've made my own mess, but I do have two innocent boys who didn't deserve what I did. How do I begin to make this right??

you don't feel like working on your M? You have got to be kidding! YOU out it in the endure stage with 9 YEARS of AFFAIR! And now you don't feel like working on it.

DO YOUR H A FAVOR AND JUST LEAVE because it won't just recover on its own... it will take a lot of work and even a whole lot of grace from your H. Personally, after a 9 year affair... I would ask you to leave immediately. I hope your H feels otherwise for your childrens sake.