[color:"red"]PS ... meggy

This is not about forgiving them ... it is about my preference who I listen to in regards to marriage ...

like I said
my bias

there are plenty of non-affair-marriage counselors to choose from

which would be my choice

Thanks meggy ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

Well you succeeded! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

No, I don't think they do and I disagree with that. We were going to go to them when we first recovered but when I found out their history FWH and I both felt weird about it so we didn't go to them.

I'm with you... I think once they've done the deed, even though they've been forgiven, part of the consequence is losing some of their credibility.

Pep, you seem to be "bothered" by this, since you've asked it again, so let me answer:

For apparently misspeaking when you stated that my MOTIVATION (inclination, desire, 'bent') is to help AFFAIR MARRIAGES.

That is NOT my "motivation." My motivation is decidely against helping "affair marriages" just for a "feel good" sort of "I'm okay, you're okay" sort of thing. My motivation is always (or at least I try to make it always - I have been prone to angry confrontation in the past and keep trying to keep that "monster" at bay) to put God's commands first ahead of any personal feelings. In the SPECIFIC case of JJ, I was looking at someone who made a big mistake in the past, has repented of it, has confessed her sin to her former husand and has sought his forgiveness, and who is NOW trying to live for Christ and struggle through the difficult issues, not the least of which is getting good, biblically based advice on which to learn and grown in her new walk with God.

But we have some among us who are not ready to deal with helping someone and find more comfort in attacking them with things like "you are getting what you deserve." Pity all of us the day that God decides we should all get what we deserve. It scares the "willies" out of me to think what we "deserve" according to God's measure if we don't have Christ. I tend to think of it along the lines of "from one who has been forgiven much, much is expected in MY relations with other sinners God has forgiven," especially if I start thinking that their sin against me is much bigger than their sin against God was. But we don't hear a lot today about the "Fear" of the Lord. When God tells us in His Word to "Fear God," it should remind us that it is His way, not our way, His "rules" not our "rules."

But, of course, all of that only has application to believers anyway.

God bless.

Princessmeggy - If you are not comfortable with them, then don't go to them. Find someone else who you would be more comfortable sharing things with.

But I would also encourage you to consider this biblical truth, we sometimes learn a lot more about "what not to do" by having experienced the consequences of willful rebellion against God. We "value" our forgiveness by God more when we realize just how badly we have messed up in the past and how awful sin is to God. That, in turn, leads a believer to another biblical truth:

"...so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2Cor.1:4b)

Something to think about.

God bless.

Yes you can, Pep. In fact, that's really a "one size fits all" sort of shoe, wouldn't you think?

That fosters discussion even when there are opposing opinions, and I've been just as guilty as the next person on occasionally losing track of courtesy. That kind of stifles discussion and lends itself to angry arguments, both in a marriage and here on MB.

[color:"red"] Honestly FH .... sometimes you make me smile when you don't intend to [/color]


[color:"red"]*smile* .... it "bothered" me because I had NO IDEA what you were talking 'bout "~~ I FORGIVE YOU PEPPERBAND ~~" .... not even e'nuff of an idea to argue with you !

Imagine you walk into work and your boss sez to you...

"I FORGIVE YOU FH"

and you are thinking .... "That's nice. What for?"

LOL
[/color]



[color:"red"]OK

let's make a pact....

Let's agree to ~assume~ we both mean no harm to each other and make sure we clear up misunderstandings before we tear each other a "new one"

sound OK to you? [/color]

[color:"red"] PS

I have decided that I am NOT the person capable of posting to the "newbie" .... my level of distrust is enormous with her.... so, my dear ~~~> go for it. [/color]

Meggy, at the risk of dragging a whole nuther discussion in here, I will just say that for me, I would have no problem going to counseling with someone who had previously had an affair, repented of it, and gone on to live a new life in Christ.

Someone who was still in an affair marriage, I would never go to. I would not hate them, nor bear them any ill will, but would not seek advice from them, either.

[color:"red"]Doggonit Neakie ... you said it ZAKLY like I meant to say it.

Gee
Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Maybe you are rubbing off on me???


(Or worse yet, maybe I am rubbing off on you.........)

*thud*

Annie! Annie! Are you ok???