I have to go to work but please keep posting ideas on how to expose this to his job. I will try to check this during lunch. many thanks to you all for this.

Tell her parents the truth. If they wont listen, then write them a letter. Tell them the TRUTH! Tell them you werent perfect. But tell them that this is all about her wanting the affair. Tell them you will do everything to protect your marriage and family. Tell them you love their daughter and will help her be the honorable woman she used to be.

Tell them!

You write a letter to HR and his boss and tell them that your W has abandoned your family for an illicit affair with OM. Ask them what they intend on doing about it.

I would then send a similar letter, or make a phone call, to OM's MOTHER and DAD. Tell them that their son is carrying on with a married woman and is helping break up a family.

But you really need to speak to your WS's family yourself. If you have not, they don't have the truth.

Exposure kills affairs, trying. They thrive on secrecy, fraud and deceit.

What Mel said about the WS using the unhappiness theme to gain acceptance is EXACTLY what happened in my case. Remember she has to rationalize and justify her actions and she can't do that by keeping you in a positive light.

BTW, the OM threatend to take legal action against me after I exposed him...it never happened. OP and especially WS will make many threats they never follow through on.

Well, that is all part of Plan A to address and confront lovebusters. But, that is never an excuse for an affair. She has now exceeded you, though, on the "abuse" scale with her abandonment of her family and her affair. So, don't allow her to use your past lovebusters as a rationale to abuse you. It sounds to me like you believe you deserve this and that concerns me.

Do exactly what Queen Slapper says!!

Are they conducting their A during work hours?
Do they use company assets and money to conduct their A?

The reason I ask these questions is companies generally do not condone the use of their time and money for workplace affairs.

**snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> shaddup, MM!

See what I mean? {Mortarman rubs the side of his face from being slapped by ML}

trying,

I told you you'd get good advice at GQII!

I want to echo what MelodyLane said - I also believe your wife's affair predated her leaving the house, and I do not believe she was telling the truth that her PA only started after she left. I am quite confident that she was deep in the affair before she told you anything.

I was worried about you after your last posts on Emotional Needs, because it looked like you were just going to go along with the divorce, and even to help cover-up your wife's responsibility by lying to your child about why mommy isn't around anymore. Well, lying may be a strong word, but it seemed like you were really concerned that your child not blame her for abandoning her.

I'm really glad to see you are moving back into "fight mode". You have an excellent chance of recovering your marriage if you do the right things, so go to it, man!

Thanks for sending him over here, CC; it looks like he had just rolled over and given up! We are going to try and change that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL...Mel...I think you need to add that to the list of titles..."Queen Slapper"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's good...and more to the point, while you and I don't always agree on the 'slapping'...I DO feel that there are LOT of times when you step with that 'slap' and it's what's needed and works...so wear that title with pride! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Melody I am not feeling your slaps yet..here is the deal. talked to the mother and sister-they are on her side. this family is emotionless. all three sisters are divorced. Her mother told me that she is hurrying it up to do this but really no serious issues with this. so that is not gone anywhere.
I am justs slowly working on growing the nuts to expose him to his job. It is difficult. I need to consult the attorney to be sure on the legality of these things. I am angry now but I am a mess so I dont know the reason (ok begin slapping). I am getting so many different advice on this that I am totally confused. today I thought that I should invite my wife to a date with no strings attached but decided against contacting her on that. The state of mind is a mess.
so right now trying to find the right strategy and also anybody that has similar stories.

Queen Slapper???? isn't a slapper a slang term for a ..... oh NVM.

Trying - Listen to Mel and the good folks here. Exposure killed my wife's affair stone cold dead in a few days. It works. Your marriage has no hope if the affair continues.

so what about the advice I am getting that work on yourself and give her space and the changes in you will bring the desired result. Althoug I have told her that I dont agree with divorce.

also one more thing--I should just simply tell her to stop the affair or else--ultimatum will not work- (on a differnt planet right now). becuase in the beginning I told her that I understand why she is having an affair and she wanted to make sure that we can see other people as we are separated

Plan A has a carrot AND a stick.

Click on this link <a href="/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=2995076&an=0&page=0#Post2995076" target="_blank">Pep's Plan A </a>

The STICK includes EXPOSURE

The Carrot - your changes are to attract her back.

Make sure you read that WHOLE thread - Pep has some wonderful advice in there.

but in her mind the affair is real and she has told everybody (except that it is not out at his work) so she feels good about it. they are going out in public places and bold. She is happy joyeous bubbly (she seems that way) and talking emailing him all the time so any efforts from my side just put her in his arms more and that is my underline fear. I still tell her that I diasgree with our separation and her full steam ahead divorce stuff. she said that she feels bad but she has moved on and she likes somebody else and has love for them and not for me. She said it took years to get here and now the process is almost impossible to reverse. what can I do here. carrot and stick--where does that fit in

I have news for you. You have already lost your wife. Your marriage is OVER. Exactly how do you think ANYTHING you do could possibly make your situation worse? Your wife is screwing another man -exactly how can you make that worse?

She has SPUN her affair with everyone she has told. It's ALL SPIN. You need to go in and expose and tell the truth.

Push her more into his arms? Puhlease.

all makes sense but I am just a freaking weak person--trying to get my courage up to do this. Emotions and Anxiousness take over-hopefully some meds tomorrow to control that to get the courage---or some more slapping around

also any opinion on Michele Weiner-Davis, She has two books "Divorce remedy" and "Divorce Bustting". She has 180s which is really working on yourself but her theories seems more like a calm and steady approach. It seems similar to MB. here is the website http://www.divorcebusting.com/index.htm