Eve,

I'm glad you will think about it. I just want to say be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

Still

Happy Birthday Still !!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I would love to be there to take you out on your birthday. You deserve only the best and it will come to you, honey.


P.S. Re: Eav ~ I too think that contacting her WH in some way might be a good idea - but, that has been my feelings for quite a while.

But, this is YOUR day !!! Please be good to yourself for us. ok ?

maybe just "Happy Birthday XXXX"

Carnation, thanks for the B-day wishes.

I'm just glad today is almost over. It's been a pretty emotional day. Right now I'm just emotionally drained.

Went out to eat with DD and DS to a new place. Wasn't the greatest. DD was a little digusted that there were peanut shells all over the floor. I just laughed she can be a prima donna sometimes. We still had a really nice time.

Heard from DD in germany and my IL's that was really nice that IL remembered me.

Eve... I think just sending him B-day wishes would be a great idea, Let me know if you do.

DD needs the computer back will check in later.

Still

I hope I'm not too late!!! Happy Birthday, you goddess you!

OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!



Special, just for you!

Finally - I check in to officially say Happy Birthday StILL!

It is your day no matter what. I want to give you a big ol' hug and spen hours reminding you of every Goddess quality you posess!

Want to take you B.O.B. Shopping and laugh our b*tts off laughing at any silly idea that comes to mind!


You are Special. You are loved.

Remember, you are worth celebrating!

Happy Birthday!!!!

Thanks guys,

Rin I loved the song.

Bugs that sounds like fun to shop for B.O.B>'s, that will be the only way for me to get anything.

Just went way out of plan B and had an argument with WH. DD hung up on him and of course it was my fault. Blah Blah Blah not standing behind him etc.
I had it so I called him I'll take the 2X4's...

I hung up when he told me he hated coming home to me because I was a witch. So WH ruined my B-day this year. Yes I was stupid but just made me realise even more why I can't talk to him. All I did was try so hard to love him.... he told me he's at piece with his decisions. That he hasn't put HO before his kids. That he's not coming back. Just a lot of hurtful things.

And I'm angry at myself because I walked right into that. So this one was my fault. He just got me angry about tellling me I'm no parent.

Still

Still

Of course he is going to say he is at peace with this while YOU take tje blame.

They will lay the blame everywhere but where it belongs,, on THEM!

Do not pick that up.

It is not yours!

still

i's so sorry you were hurt again

the power we give them is amazing isn't it

Bugs,

How can he be at peace, he's destroying everything in his life that once meant something to him for a ho.

He told me I'm acting like a 4 year old and I should just get over the affair. How I had hurt him for the last 7 years... that he has been miserable for a long time. How I was a witch. I wasn't perfect.

I told him he has been emotinally abusive to me... he was incredulouis. And asked how. I told him having an A is the most emotionally abusive thing you can do to someone. Lying and making me feel like I was going crazy is emotionally abusive. There is no use talking to someone who is so fogged out. I really need to do some serious thinking. I think the best thing for me is to just let him go and destroy his life. He was screaming me.

What Iplan on doing is regiving him my letter with a note attached. I just need to get it through my head he doesn't want me or love me.

Still

Still -

THAT is my point exactly. He is NOT a peace for the very reasons you mention.

He is accusing YOU of being the 4 year old, because HE is the one that is really acting that way.

He is PROJECTING his actions and bad behaviors onto you.

He can only do this if you let him. DON"T LET HIM!

Don't you see, he's trying VERY VERY hard to convince not only YOU, but HIMSELF that he is happy and at "peace". If it were true, would he be Yelling at you about it? Would he need to engage you at all?


You are right, it does no good for you to try to talk to him about any relationship issues at all right now.

Take a step back, gather your strength, take care of YOU.

{{{{{STILL}}}}}

Bugs,

Today I'm trying to gather my emotions back. I cried myself to sleep last night. He called twice after I hung up last night. Asking me to pick up the phone that he was sorry for what he said. Also left a message that he wants to sit down and talk to me when I'm ready to talk to him again.

Bugs....I'm feel like I am so done with this man but something keeps me hanging on. I need to figure out if it is fear or really love. Like I told him last night I loved him as best as he would let me... he just wouldn't let me.

In my head I know he is refelcting his feelings about himself on me. It just doesn't make it any easier to hear.

Talk with DD this morning and told her she doesn't have to talk to her father if she doesn't want to. He loves her but she need to be ready. She told me I know mom. Also talkd to DS about the going on of last night and told him his sister is very hurt by what dad is doing. That dad is s good man who is making alot of wrong choices and I hope he realises before he loses his sister forever. Alos told DS that I still love his dad very much but right now it really hurts me to much to talk to him. How mom really wants us to be a family again but that's not what daddy wants.

I wish he would see how this is damaging his children. I'm thinking about printing off articles about how kids are affected by infidelity and giving it to them. But I guess that just wont filter through his WS brain.

I think I may go back to bed and nap for a little while just tossed and turn all night.

Luckinly I don't have to work today.

Still

Still,

Wish I had some great advice for you, but am sure some more experienced folks will jump in on this.

Get some REST. That is the best thing to do right now.

THEN, when you are physically better, you can look at all of this again.

{{{{STILL}}}}}

Bugs,

I wish you had some great advice also. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that this is over.

I'll get back into plan B again. Regive him my letter. And start to work on getting things in my name. Didn't have time last week due to Orlando and working every day that I got back.

Need to keep myself busy today. And try not to think of him and all the things he said to me last night. I want to so badly tell him how much what he said hurt me and make him understand what he's doing does to someone. Maybe I'll write him a letter that I won't send and just out it away. Alonf with the B-day card I'll buy for him and not give him. And if and when he comes back I'll give it to him at the right moment.

Still

Still, the fact that he calls and reams you about all YOU'VE done to hurt him and yada yada, blah blah, doesn't show someone who's SURE of anything he says to you. THEN he calls back and apologizes. NO WAY MAN.

Give him that letter, and this time go completely silent. Don't give in to your anger and call him, write down what you want to say, and leave it there, on paper or post here.

You could re-work the Plan B letter to state that when he decides to put his family first BEFORE HIM = his children, you, dogs, cats, partridges in a pear tree, DO NOT CALL, DO NOT WRITE. You want no contact whatsoever.

BTW, I've never heard people at peace blaming and scorning others. Why would they, if peace exists within them.

I am more at peace now than I have been for almost 4 years. I do lose my temper, due to exhaustion mostly, but I do not say mean things. Heck, at this point, I rarely even THINK mean things.

He is in utter turmoil and wants you to take it away, to be the bad guy. Don't you take that from him. He is WAYWARD, not real, he IS a falacy. You now KNOW this from all of the conversations that you allow. Cut this out. Stop looking at the past for now, unless it makes you smile. Focus on today, this minute, this hour. Start over again, working toward a 90% good day, then good week, then good month.

You can do this. I know you can.

Silent,

I will work on another short note to attach to original letter. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

Trying real hard to not dwell on the BS he threw at me last night. Just having a hard time getting over the witch part. Because I know it wasn't true. Just trying to figure where the he!! that came from.

Wondering if the man I love is even in there at all anymore. Do people change that drastically? Or have I been living with my eyes closed? I am so angry at what he implied about my parenting.... this coming from someone who all last summer basically was never around his kids. This from someone who when he did get home basically ignored everyone except the TV.

I feel like I have done everything I could to save this M. Can't do it alone. Like you said in your post it's in their court. (hard to give up that control of not trying to save this). I'm sad for him, sad that he can't see what he is losing. The biggest thing he's losing beside his kids is his integrety. (and someone who would love and forgive him for anything).

I don't want any contact with him ever again. Not unless it's to work on our M. I will miss him, I did like hanging out with him. I liked talking about our dreams for us and our kids. That's all I have left now. He's making memories with someone else now.

I agree with you that he isn't at peace. Just wish I could see what's going through his head. How can you be at peace destroying 2 families. But that's what he's telling me.

I wish I were at peace.

It's a gorgeous day here today... going to watch my DD play softball. At least I know WH won't be there. He's working and probably hasn't even looked at a schedule.

Something funny he left on answereing machine for DD last night, She didn't want us picking up the phone. He told her she was grounded
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

How the ****** can he ground her?????

Still

Still,

How was the ball game yesterday? Another win, I hope?

I see you didn't sleep last night and just wanted to pop in to say HELLO - How ya doing??

Hey, sorry I missed you! You okay?

happens I can give you me number when you need to call someone...