I think that you did just what you needed too...i would have done the same thing!

I agree with HAP too...don't go there...just my POV, it would be punishing myself if I allowed those thoughts in my mind...more heartache becuase I know better...

Mine, could careless...he's only out for himself...same way he's been , only I didn't want to admit it too myself completely...I mean I would complain but I thought that he cared when he only cared about himself and his appearance!

YOU are doing SOOOOO great! I'm SOOO proud of you! THis is the way you protect the love that you have!

Rin,

I hope you're right.

Still

WEll, i think that this is the beginning to detachment...first you learn this and then you can start to learn how to detach with love...

you're making progress...I use to be where you are...now, I can look at all the stupid [email]cr@p[/email] that STBX is doing and just feel sorry for him that he messed up his whole life by making some bad choices...

This goes to loving the person and not the behavior! you'll get it! I have faith in you!

I still love him, I miss the good times when we would laugh and all the great other stuff, but I don't love the choices he's made!

naughty, Naughty! LMAO

Rin,

I feel like I'm in a dream and just want to wake up.

How long were you in this stage? I feel like I should be seeing some progress. Although I have not had a stellar plan B and my plan A wasn't the best either. WH keeps trying to engage me.

Sometimes I just drive myself crazy with what he is thinking. If he even misses me just a little. Then I give it to God... like I'm going to do right now. God help me see the clear vision of what you have in store for me. Help me follow your path.
God please break WH so that he sees you in his heart and starts making good choices.

Still

Well, let's see I've been gone for ten weeks...barely spoke with STBX...probably six weeks before my heart stopped aching and I missed him so much I would think about calling him...

LOL...standard withdrawal period thinking about it...i haven't seen him...in the last month I think I've talked to him twice...very MOF...said what I had to say and got off the phone...like "hey, uncle W died, thought you would want to know", and "L has meds., you need to give them to him."

You are making progress and WH still trying to C you, well, that's just him wanting to control...

I think seeing him brings me right back.

I wonder if seeing me does the same for him?

I didn't break down in front of him today or even tear up. So that was good.

Okay back to me... me, me, me.

Still

YEs, give yourself permission to be selfish for a change! look at it as self-care! LMAO

(waving) Hi still!!

Okay--coupla thoughts.

First, try to minimize your contact with him. You are in Plan B, and all the emailing you two do is not good for YOU. It's not good for you because it keeps you entangled in his life and his A. It's also not good for him because it furthers the illusion that he'll still have control over you AND have his mistress too. I know you have kids, but if he wants to talk to them, let him email THEM and call THEM, not you.

Next, if he wants to be Mr. SingleFreeGuy...then one of the benefits of the Lovely Mrs. Still that he has lost is The Lovely Mrs. Still's skills of keeping him informed of the kids' events. That's not to say that you be a withholding witch--that's just to say that he is a big boy now making big boy decisions, and if he wants to leave Still...then HE is responsible to keep track of the kids' events all by himself! He can call the school. He can call the kids! He can call the coaches and get copies of calendars same as you. Let him face this consequence of his choices and when he blames you for being a withholding witch, just tell him that as an adult parent who has chosen to be single, he is responsible for HIS parenting...and you are not! Smile!

Your killer bee mama,



CJ

(Edited to add) BTW, when you are in Plan B and you see your WH at events, such as concerts or sports events, then you would treat him exactly the same as you would treat any other students' or teammates' dad. You probably don't "run up" and try to talk. You don't hope and wish and pray that they'll notice you either! You just are polite and say "hello" if they do and keep on walking...JUST LIKE A NEIGHBOR OR CO-WORKER and with no additional emotion.

Waving back CJ,

CJ,

That's why I find I'm not doing very well here. Some of the e-mails need to be done. I'm cutting back on them as much as I can. He still gets his little digs in. This is what throws me for a loop. So all in all he still controls me.
They also take a withdrawel from the LB.

I agree completely, he left us. It's his responsibility as the adult (LOL) to gather all this.

CJ

Sometimes I just feel like I'm doing all the wrong things, that it just doesn't seem to be working. In my head I know that this is for me, for my peace. I want it to be for us.

Again I say the serenty prayer to myself. And keep reminding myself I only have control of me.

Still

PS just saw the BTW... thanks that's how I have been trying to handle the situation even though in my mind I could jump him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (for a little...oh never mind)

CJ,


Just read your post on LilSis' thread. It really hit home for me.

As I have said before I hope WH is a level 2 WH and the affair ends soon.

But have a gut feeling that he is a level 3... and sometimes wonder if I'm the BS that is in as much of a fog as he is. I'm having trouble detaching.

I don't think my M was always dysfunctional. Isn't any M that experiences infidelity at some point dysfunctional. It just seems the last few years were the worst. I also wonder if I am a victim (hate that word) of emotional abuse. Does that mean I'm co-dependent and is that why I'm having such a hard time?

Is it normal for me to go over this or is it more harmful?

Then I wonder if this was just an exit affair? He just wanted so badly to just get away from me?

I'm not even sure any of this is makinf any sense. Just alittle confused this morning.

Still

Been tossing and turnung all nght.

I think I have come to a decision.... I'm calling attorney in the morning and I asking him to drop my divorce complaint. Granted WH counterfiled, he probably will continue but let him and his attorney do all thr work.

I'll probably give WH a heads up on this.

Opionions?

Still

Stopped to pick up mail on my way into work this morning.

I had the dreaded letter from attorney's office. We have a date scheduled as a backup on June 7th. My attorney wants to get prepared just in case the case before us settles quickly.

Needless to say cried on my way to work.

Still

Still,

Am just catching up with you.

I have to ask - WHY do you want to drop the D? What do you Expect or want by doing that?

I am not saying it is right or wrong, but just trying to understand where you are coming from and where you are going with it?

sorry for your pain today.

LM

I don't want the divorce and if I drop my complaint then I think his attorney will have to do all the leg work.

But it probably doesn't even matter anymore because we are a backup case on the 7th of June.

I'm really sucking out at plan B we had some e-mail where he told me he has read my e-mail several times and I guess I was starting to get hopeful and just crashed when I got the date.

Still

How are your kids handling this situation?

Thanks LM,

It just coming whether I want this or not.

I went to talk with a friend so I wouldn't call him. I'm holding off for now. Like she said if it's God's will it's a back-up case and something else might come up.

Still

My daughters have lost all respect for thier dad. My oldest is going to school in Germany so she has been out of the situation for a few months.

My middle daughter is taking it the hardest. She doesn't want her dad near her but yet gets upset if he doesn't come to her games. She feels he gives more attention to her brother who does go and spends the night with his dad. But doesn't admit that it bothers her.

Both DD's don't want him back... I think they don't want to see me get hurt again. It's something that I may not even have to worry about. Both daughters told him while he is with this woman they will not go see him.

My son is the only one that goes to visit overnight. He loves me and he loves his dad. Actually his dad is spending more one on one time with him then he ever has.

The thing is my WH thinks the kids will get over this and since they are continuing to do extremely well in school he feels justified. Although I think it does hurt him that he lost closness with his daughters.

Still

Still,

Gotcha.

I understand how getting that date would cause a crash!


Combined w/seeing him at the dr office, you are a bit back on the rollercoaster and it is no surprise to have these feelings.

Hugs to you sweetie!

Thanks Bugs,

Still