Is WS in the hospital? It is ok to ask about his health. No pity and don't let him string you along. I know mine tried to pull the pity me, I'm sick card..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Here's an example:

WS: I don't feel well.

BS: Why?

WS: Don't know. Maybe I am not eating right.

BS: Thought the OW said she was going to make you happier, wealthier and healthier. Isn't she doing her job?

WS: You know she didn't mean it.

BS: You mean she's a liar and an OW? :gasp: (almost got an oscar for that performance - LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> )

WS: I feel weak. I'm not faking.

BS: Oh. Well sorry you aren't well. Call the doctor.

WS: I don't know his name or where his office is. Can't you do something?

BS: Well..... hm.... you don't live here. You are having an affair, you have left our family...... don't have time to help strange people ..... The doctor's name is Dr. _____ and here's his # and address. Call him.

WS: Can you go with me to the appointment?

BS: Why? Isn't OW going with you?

WS: No. Of course not.

BS: Btw, you also need to pay for the visit in full. I don't want to cover you medically anymore. (Now I knew I had him medically covered but I didn't want him to know that) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

WS: What I have no insurance?

BS: It's possible. It was YOUR choice to leave right? With that you lost the privilege to live here and all associated benefits. (kept a straight face - that oscar almost had my name on it - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ).

WS: What do you think he will charge?

BS: Not sure. You will have to ask his billing agent. Gotta go.

WS: I'll call you to let you know when, so you can come with me......

I let him hang on that for a few days. I checked with the doctor so he had a heads up on the situation before the appointment was made. The doctor was one of my supporters. LOL!! Silly WS. The doctor gave him a good scolding. Told the WS he looked very sick and had lost weight. I mentioned about OW's claims to make him healthier and wondered out loud about it. The doctor laughed and said.... 'you know WS, Orchid has always taken good care of you.... not sure why you choose to leave and get so sick.....' WS was out numbered. He just kept quiet. We left in separate cars and I felt a slight victory.

From that point on, I knew the OW was just a bunch of hot air. Should have named the OW - Balloon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks for the concern for WH. He's fine.

He had a stress test today. Things are okay he e-mailed me. I had offered to go to the ER for support. He didn't want it. Wondering if ho was there.

I really think we are done. Tonight I hate him. He blew off DD17's game again today.

Talked to my older DD19 in Germany on my way home from work because I am disappointed.... I really had my hopes up that things would work out because he started going back to church. She told me mom he's not coming back... he is not the same man you knew. He's not even our father anymore.

Back to the dark... he doesn't want to meet with pastor because what would it do. I've decided I don't want him as he is right now. Right now they are made for each other and let them sink in thier pigpen of sh*t.

Still

So sorry, Still.

No matter how many times they fail to meet our expectations, it never fails to surprise in some deep-seated way, does it?

Missing another game...not calling...it's baffling.

Like your daughter said, he's not the same man.

Do you ever look at him through squinty eyes and think, "Am I nuts? He looks the same, sounds the same, smells the same...who IS this guy? Cause he ain't my husband..."

It's confusing to the brain, I think. And even more so to the heart.

Still...you are beautiful. You are wonderful. He is NOT. I will continue to pray that he hits bottom.

Still

I read this somewhere and it really helped me put into perspective how this man that I had loved for so long had turned into someone I didn't recognize-someone who used to be a youth pastor-and now doesn't even call his own kids.

"When you violate your own standards, values and belief systems, and you know that violation can be destructive to you, you will lie and you will actually split off and practice denial. You will say it so convincingly it seems like you're creating truth" (Dave Carder on Family Life today radio.)

They truly do become aliens. Hang in there

Yes I do look at him and think he looks like my H, and talks and laughs like my H.... but that's not how my H would treat me.

This man has actually lied to a priest... so he could play softball. LilSis yes keep praying for him to hit bottom. I just hope it's not to late by the time he does. There is go reason not to have any contact with the WS. Today I lost alot of my love for him. There is still a little but his selfishness just blows me away.

Johnstwin,

Thanks for the quote I'm going to copy and read it. It's amazing how they leave all thier integrity and values behind. That they actually believe thier lies.

I am hanging in there. Barely but I will make it. I know I have a lot of love to share with someone and I want that person to be worthy of my love. Right now it's not WH.

Still

Still, I think you've done really well, but, um, this isn't Plan B. You know that, right?


Me, too. Go dark, Still!

(((Still)))

SDguy,

I stepped out of plan B for a day or 2 and got slammed. That's why I offered to go to the ER.

I'm going back in because he hurts me too much and doesn't care. Lost alot of love for him today. I don't know if it will come back or not.

At this point in time he deserves what he has and I deserve better.

I tell you I'm need to be in the remedial room.... back to plan B probably even after the divorce is final.

Still

Get back into a dark Plan B and protect yourself. Plus, he doesn't need to think that you're going to be there for him. Let him sink on his own.

Dark, Dark, Dark

sdguy,

right now I hope they both sink into something extremely stinky.

although whatever they sink into might just spit them back out.

Still

Is it okay to be angry......

Here it is a beautiful day....WH is spending weekend with skanky ho. I have so much yardwork to do, housework to do. my DD softball tournament.

Why does he get to go off and have fun with no responsibilities. This is his house too? I guess it's only his house when he wants something from it.

Still

Still:
I feel that way, too...sometimes I just feel so exhausted from doing everything, being responsible for everything around the house, with the kids, etc. Things that used to be done by two are now done by me, alone.

So yeah...let yourself feel angry. Why not?

You might want to also think about what triggers those feelings. I know for me, I'm usually okay with it all--proud of myself, even, for the sense of accomplishment!--but when I am overwhelmed; that's when I really start to feel down.

So like johnstwin said earlier to me...look at the circumstances when you are thowing a (well-deserved) pity party. Are you tired? Bad day at work? Fight with DD? PMS? Overwhelmed?

Look at YOU...not at WH. I know that's HARD!! Since he's not likely to show up at your doorstep with weed-whacker in hand, try not to waste your energy reserves on mentally beating him up. He's a louse right now...yep, no question. Irresponsible jerk. Check. Left you in a lurch. Acknowledge all of that...feel it.

Then move on.

Think about YOU, glorious YOU! Decide what you can LET GO for the time being. Mow, but skip the edging. Clean, but skip the mopping. Water the garden, but skip the weeding. Give yourself permission to ENJOY the softball game.

Now, take that time you've held in reserve and do something for you. Go shopping. Go to Panera and have some nice pastry and one of their great cups of coffee (it's cloudy here today...). Grab a book and sit on the patio with your legs in the sun so they get tan.

Love yourself, enjoy yourself, let the sun shine on you!

Sis

Hey LilSis,

This holiday weekend had it's ups and downs. This rollercoaster ride really sucks.

My parents came up for a day and a half and helped me outside. DS learned how to use the riding lawnmower. Bought myself a lilic bush... always wanted one but H didn't like them. That day was wonderful flowers planted, lawn mowed. Did feel resentful at times because thought about WH off playing.

Memorial day was awful. Wh took kids down to his parents for a barberque. Hurt like he!! to see them all walk out the door and I wasn't invited. I didn't divorce his family. Cried myself to sleep and woke up and felt somewhat better.

Sometime I feel myself getting disappointed with God.... why does it seem the people who break all the rules are out having the time of their lifes? Why is God letting this happen to my family? It seems WH is going to get to continue to play SB. I guess I have to believe there is a reason for this. It just makes me so angry.

Have an appointment with my attorney this afternoon. I guess I need to prepare for court next week.

Still

Still,

I know how hard it was for you to see your 'family' go do the traditional holiday events without you.

I got to listen to stories about the lake trip that mine had w/o me, so I do feel your pain

BUT I think that as we can not read the minds of our WHs, we can not ASSUME that their lives are all FUN and GAMES. Maybe, just maybe, there were times that they, too, were reminded throughout the day of things WE would have done or said if we had been there like before

The truth is we do not know and we can not drive ourselves crazy with the wondering. We have to make our own new way for ourselves

I know with court looming for you next week, it is especially difficult

God has not abandoned you. It is normal to be angry at the sitch, but we need to put our faith and trust him Him to put us where we need to be WHEN we need to be there

As Mimi said on Sis's thread - we need to allow God to work HIS plan in HIS way and HIS time.

Easier said than done, I Know!

I will be praying for that faith and peace to come to you today, as I continue to pray the same for myself

Take care!

Thanks Bugs,

With everything getting closer I just feel so overwhelmed and out of control.

Still

Still,

Now is the time for deep cleansing breaths. Time to care for yourself and gather your strength.

You really need to have yourself in control to handle court next week

You Can and Will get through this!

Look how much you have grown! Believe in YOU - trust in God. Remember you are a Great Mom!

Hugs!

Still,

Where are you? Are you OK???

Just thinking of you.

Hi, Still...just checking in on you sweetie...haven't heard from you!

I'm with BUGS...calling you out...out of care and concern!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi guys,

I was just taking a little break from it all. Needed to really think about my life and what I want from it. Not sure I'm even close yet..... just found that I was getting more depressed reading and feeling really hopeless about my situation.

On Tuesday saw my attorney. He put in a request to remove our case from the 7th. We still have not recieved all we requested from WH. I told him I still want to slow things down because I am hoping to reconcile.
He told me the times he has talked to WH attorney she says he feels sorry for me but still wants to continue. That kind of hurt. I don't want his pity.
So looks like June 26th may be the new date. My attorney is going to Alaska for 2 weeks. We also talked about dropping my petition and contesting the divorce. That it is no longer irreconcilable differences. Would be easier to prove if WH and I went out or did the deed lately.
So tomorrow I'm going to let him know to drop my divorce complaint. Not sure it will change things but I feel I have done everything I can except kidnapp him and chain him down.
My attorney thinks I'm beating my head against the wall and that my head might start hurting from all the banging <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
I told him I know but I'm doing what I feel is right. He told me he works for me and even if divorce goes through it isn't always the end.
Will see what happens.

Got talked to at work... not good. last Friday I was having a really bad day and mistakes were made. Nothing to harm anyone but I was told I need to leave personal problems at the door. That she understands but I'm a professional (even if I can't spell it). I think it helped my frame of mind.

Bugs, Rin thanks for checking in on me, it means alot to me.

Still

Oh Still!

So glad you checked in! Taking a break and giving yourself time can be really good.

You know we will support you in whatever you choose. I think giving the WH as much time as YOU are comfortable with is good.

I know the 'talk' at work was hard - but it can work in your favor. Get you refocused. No matter what WH does or does not do, your job is important to and for YOU

YOU is where your focus needs to be, along with those great kids of yours!

Hang in there!

Still,



This is the same comment I get from family, friends, and even my IC.

What I don't think people realize is that this is not supposed to happen. There is nothing that prepares us for these events. No matter how things work out, we have to look back some day and live with our choices.

Hang in there. I feel your pain.