Still,
I'm glad you made it through the 4th. I know it was hard for you. Yes, it is his loss. No question.

Hang in there. One day at a time, right? One foot in front of the other and eventually we will get....somewhere. It would be nice to know where, but...

Oh well. ((((still))))

Believer and LilSis,

Thanks for the encouragement.... it means alot to me.

I think I finally graduated to toddler steps now.... and I also wish to know what my path is and where I'm going. It has been so long.

Off to work have a great day and thanks for checking in.

Still

Still,

Just a friendly reminder.... I agree, you are NOT damaged goods. Instead you are even more valuable because you are a survivor.

It is sad that you and your family have to go through all this pain and suffering. I remember I demanded that SOMEONE in our family be happy for all the misery the A caused. I demanded that the WS be happy because I told him that I knew both our son and I were not happy as a result of his A. So I got the courage to demand he be happy for all our misery.

You know what? That was like a curse on the A. Boy did it have an impact. See I demanded he act happy when he had to interact with us. While in plan B, I had interaction with him in regards to mail, money and child visitation. So for those times, I demanded he smile an be up beat. I saw the more horrifying twisted face as he tried hard to smile and be happy (I had the MB gun to his head - LOL!!!). Eventually he learned he couldn't be that and every time he was with the OW, any enjoyment was tarnished with my words ringing in his ears 't/b happy'. LOL!!! Awwwh.... I had found my trigger.... anything the BS demanded the WS couldn't do. LOL!!!

Anyways...... you keep moving forward. The gap between you and the WS will widen. That's ok. If your H decides to run to catch up with his family and you agree to let him back into your family will be dealt with at a later time.

Until then, move forward with the grace and dignity of the lady you are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Hi Still,

I'm really sorry to hear about the continued A. I didn't see if you two ever sat down to discuss why he stopped the D. Did he talk about this at all? Are you going back to Plan B? It's a good thing, to let go. You will feel better, and you will become stronger, in time.

((((Still))))

Still,

Oh I am so sorry!!

Just curious, as you were so brief, how did you find out about continued contact? Not wanting to rub salt in the wound, just trying to get the facts.

I'm also with SL, as in if ever had that talk about him stopping the D or whatever was on that agenda? Also, if you are going back to Plan B?

I think it would be the best thing for you right now.

{{Still}}

Hi guys,

I'm not sure what plam I 'm in right now. Not sure if I should try plan A again or go dark into plan B.

We did have our conversation over the phone earlier this week. He told me he wasn't having second thoughts that he thought some things shouldn't be decided before a judge. Not sure if I believe him or not. I saw how he acted the weekend before...this was just words when we talked, almost like he was trying to convince me to give up hope. He did say he would think about holding off the D and talking to SH. He says he needs to decide what he really wants... and he would think about holding off until he decides. I think it's best not to bring it up again... not sure if that's the right thing.

The next morning he called early and you could tell he was itching for a fight. It made me think that he was trying to make it so he could be mad at me. Didn't engage in that convo... but did ask if he was still seeing HO. Noy sure if I believe him but I going on the assumption that he is.

When I have seen him the last 2 days at kids games didn't say to much.

I really need some advice on what direction I should be going in.

Still

Still,

I hate to see you caught in this type of dilemma. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Still if he is that confused then he needs to stay out there and fix himself.

Actually from a WS perspective you have him in a good position. Confused and getting worse. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nothing better than to witness the demise of the WS. This may give your H a chance to escape. Still I see these chain of events hurting you.

Want to know what may help?

L.

Yes Orchid I really would love to know what can help.

Can you let me know.... on my way to work again I'll check in there. Although can't post there.

He TM me last night asing why I act so differently around other people. I was laughing and actually enjoying myself with friends. I didn't respond because I'm tired of putting my heart out there to get hurt by him. Iwent to bed to think about a response and sell asleep. What I stopped myself from doing was to call him and tell him my feelings... he doesn't care..

Still

Still,

I don't have the answer for you, but just an observation.

WH SEES your changes, he is curious, thus the TM. I find that Very hopeful for you!

Hi still... sorry for the long absence.. .been busy moving on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Anyway a big old hug from me ((((((((Still))))))))

Take care and will continue to pray for ya <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Still,

His question was a good one. A bit foggy but a good one. This means he notices you can be different. Mine asked me the same question also. I believe my response went something like:

WS: How come you are different with others than with me? You are happier around others and not me.

BS: Good question. Now let's clear up that I am NOT doing this like my mom did when I was a kid. You are getting a different treatment because of HOW you choose to treat me. Treat me well and be a good friend in addition to being a good H & dad, then you will experience may happy moments with us. Continue t/b the grouch and WS you've been and well.... what else do you expect?

WS: Yea. I understand. Ok.

That was my answer. See when he asked a good or even fair question, I answered. The answer was designed to make him think NOT change him.

L.

Bugs,

thanks.... I wish I could almost view it the way you do. I actually think it was a DJ to me. I think he was upset that when he came over to see me I talked briefly with him then turned back to my friends.

Dev,

Thanks for the hug right back at you.... I'm glad that you are doing well and moving on.

Orchid,

Like I stated above to Bugs.... I think he was upset that I wasn't real warm to him. What does he expect?
If he calls tonight to go over bills and mentions it I may say something like you said. Right now I think I should leave it alone.
What do you think?

I'm thinking about maybe calling SH again to ask him what I should be doing now at this point.

Still

Whatever the reason, you do what is best for you and your sitch. Never mind the impact on the WS. WS' are constantly grouchy anyway, there is no pleasing them. So don't waste time trying. If you want to ask your question, do so.

L.

Orchid,

You got that right about WS' always being grouchy. You would think that they would be happy as a clam because they are getting what they "want".

I know he is always looking for anything to be "mad" at me. If he didn't then he might just have to face himself and what he is doing. Always have been easier to blame someone else for his problems.

I wish I knew what was right for me right now...

Still

Still,

Just checking in on you. How's it going?

Bugs,

Thanks for checking in on me. It's a rollercoaster that's for sure.

For some reason (stupid) I asked WH does he hate me? And he paused and said at times i give him reason to and yes. That really hurt.

I don't think he's in there anymore.

Today I'm off to Arcadia with my kids we are going to do some hikng. I'm going to try really hard to put WH out of my mind today.

Still

Hi Still- I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you too! I look for your posts on the board to see how things are going with your situation. Big Hugs!!! I have been in therapy for 6 mo now and came to finally figure out that my H is a narcissist- its all about HIM and he projects his anger at himself and the results of his affairs onto me. So needless to say I need continued therapy to help me deal with the fact that "Just Because He Says It--Doesn't Make It True." as my therapist frequently reminds me.

LIM,

Thanks for checking in on me... maybe that's what I should keep telling myself just because he says it doesn't mean it's true, My IC also says look at his actions not his words. It's hard to know actions since I rarely see him.

I also think that he projects his anger at himself on me. My IC also thinks WH might be narcisisstic.

Off to Arcadia. Hope the rain holds out.

LIM... it seems we have alot in common would like to share more with you.

Still

So glad someone already said it!

Just because he says it does not make it true.

Remember, he is hurting and so many times the WS will say things just so YOU will hurt, too.

You gave him the chance when you asked the question. Don't do it again.

Also, remember, there is only a very fine line between love & hate,,,

Have fun today!

Hey Bugs,

I forgot about fine line between love and hate. Because when all this started last year I really hated him.

Had a great time with my 2 kids that are home and thier friends hiking. We did a hike that was up hill.... boy forgot how old I felt when the boys were running up the trail and I was barely breathing (lol).

I got the boys home in time to head off to thier hockey game. I don't kow where they get their energy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
WH coaches the boys and at the end of the game got a stick in the mouth. There was alot of blood. When it happened I didn't know if he got hit in the crotch or what because he doubled over. My first thought was God breaking him. I went over to check on him and left soon after. He TMed me thanks 4 checking on me.
So in the past month he got a black eye (from a drawer while he was moving into in his new house) and now a fat lip with some cuts. Is this God sending him messages?
Last night at DD soccer game (He went!!!) people were very stand offish to him. When will this all sink in to him? I just keep praying he hits bottom really soon.
So far doing okay this morning will see where the days leads at work.

Still