Believer,

I almost spit out my diet pepsi at the computer screen.

My toilets do deserve more thought than she does. Because at least they serve a function in my life. She's just what plops in the toilet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think what I have a hard time understanding is how a mom could do what she is doing to another womans family. I guess that will always be one of the 7 wonders of us BS's.

Thank you so much for the giggle.

Still

That'll teach you to be drinking while posting.

Seriously, there are some FWW's here who I admire and care about. But it is mind boggling to me how some women can treat other women. We have BS's here who have a houseful of kids, who are pregnant, who are fighting cancer or other life threatening diseases. It is just beyond my comprehension how these OW can live with themselves and tell themselves it is alright. Makes me grateful that I am a BS.

Believer,

I also have much respect for FWS's. It's the "F" that makes them so helpful. I had always hoped that my WH would earn an "F".

And I completely agree with you, I would much rather be the BS than a WS. At least we don't have to look at our S's when we earn our"F" and realize the pain we caused.

Still

Yep - don't know how to explain it, but the FWW's here are wonderful, and honorable.

I think most women grow up with a code that you don't poach another woman's hubby. Can't explain how some can forget that.

One time in my life I went out with a married man. I was young, and he had his own place. It turned out that he was separated from his wife, and also had two little girls. We went out with his friends and no one told me. It took 5 months for him to fess up, and when he did, I was gone so fast, he didn't know what hit him.

Believer,

Too bad that WH don't follow the code also to not sleep with another man's wife.

When the time comes for me to date long after the divorce goes through married men are completely off limits.

I respect that when you found out that you left him. Gotta wonder if he still doing that to who ever he is with? Not that he's even worth that much thought.

Still

Oh, that was years ago. His wife divorced him, and he married again and cheated, and she divorced him, and he married again and cheated, and on and on. He was a cop, and I still have some friends in the department, so have kept up over the years. He never could be faithful, and I was thankful I didn't get hooked up with him.

But I think many men are competitive, and don't look at it the same way. I expect women to have more sense.

Well I hope if I ever have to start dating again I find a man that isn't competative in that sense.

He sounds like a real winner.... you did luck out.

Thanks believer for the giggle earlier.... MOW is not worth writing a letter to, and she soesn't care.

Going to go to bed now have a good night.

Still

CJ,

You know, you're absolutely right... I believe apathy from the WS hurts me more than her hatred...

I dunno, but after the papers are signed, I still get "what if" thoughts... Like still, I guess I do have some love for the WS deep deep deep down... you don't spend 5 years of your life with someone day in, day out and completely lose all feelings for them... at least not for me. How she could do it I'm still not quite sure... I guess I can attribute it to the fog or aliens eating her brain, whatever LOL!

Men who say women are hard to understand have obviously never met a WS before! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey LIM,

I missed your post completely last night. The blaming of everyone else is getting old. He's even blaming our daughters for thier attitude!

He actually told DD's yesterday at breakfast that someday they would be sorry. Older DD said to him "no Dad someday you will be sorry when your w**re cheats on you and your family is gone"

Smart girls.

Dev,

Always nice to hear from you. Keep moving forward that's what I'm beginning to do now. Not sure if WH will be part of the picture or not. I still have a small flame of hope that he will do a 180 but I beginning to doubt it.

Still

If I failed miserably at plan B the first time... do I send another letter?

Or just a quick note to reference the first letter?

Still

Still,

I can't answer the question on the letter, but wanted to say I am glad to see you going back to Plan B. I think it is the best thing for YOU right now.

I know it is hard, but you have to disengage from WS's madness. Time for Still to take care of Still!

Thinking of you! Take care

Hey Bugs,

Thanks for checking in. I also think of you often... just don't have much to offer since I'm in plan who knows.

BTW you are doing great.....

Still

Well, hi! Good to see that you are going back to Plan B...I was just stopping in to say Hi and check on you!

You have been going pretty good for the most! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, I THINK THAT SOME GREAT THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

I hope and pray you are right. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Right now I'm fighting the urge to e-mail him and honestly ask if she is worth having your daughters hate you.

Still

I'm doing well...

This is his chose...you have no control and I understand that's hard for you, but he is doing this to himself...

You need to practice some loving detachment here...heck, or even indifference right now...

His actions have spoken...he will have to make amends to them someday...

I understand that you are hurt by this too, as a mom you want to protect those kids and do everything that you can but they are practical grown and they can handle their own stuff!

Do not enable and mind your own business...this is not something that you need to get in the middle of...this is b/t him and them, individually!

Keep your nose clean, esare the drama from your life, that's what Plan B is for!

Strenght, and courage Still!

Rin,

I know it's his choice. It is just hard for me to get through this thick head of mine that he doesn't care. I'm still praying for him (and our marriage). Although this is in God's hands.

Otherwise I think I'm doing okay. I just keep wondering when the emptiness and hurt go away, or does it ever go away?

Truthfully I am so tired of sleeping alone... It's almost been a year now that he hasn't been home. Longer for any affection. I feel at times that I may never feel a man hug or kiss me again. Need to get off this train of thought starting to tear up.

Still

Still,

Look in the mirror, think of how much you have learned, how much you have GROWN, how much you have changed for the better and say to your reflection, 'You Are a Goddess! You will find the Love and Affection you so richly deserve, and it will be someone Worthy of You!'

Because THAT is the truth! Maybe WS will turn out to be THAT guy, maybe it will be another. The important thing for you to remember is that the bar has been raised in order for any man to qualify to be worthy of YOUR love, time, attention, and effort!

I suggest that you read on acceptance and acceptance that your STBX is not going to change...he is what he is and yes, I understnad how hard that is to accept...

I struggled witht he same thoughts...

You said never...when we use the word never we are living from our inner child...same things with always...can you see how that strongly effects your thinking? It did mine...

I have to ask myself...will that REALLY happen...never...always...not the case when we think about it...

This is just a little way that YOU can keep yourself from abusing yourself...and you are, just like I was...

You are living in the apst and not being present, can you come back to today? How is today going for you? What are you doing right this minute? How can YOu change the day?

Still, you are not going to be alone...you are a talents, intelligence woman...and you have plenty of opportunities to meet people where you are...

I would like for you to read on being willing...pray that God helps you to be willing to be willing...to be willing to open your mind...

Should you allow yourself and you are the only one stopping this from happening...should you allow yourself to think of the wonderful possibilities that life is holding for you, you may just see that one door does NOT close without God opening another!

I think change in attitude would be good for you too!

BTW, when was the last time that you went to a meeting? HUH?

Supporting you the best that I can! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Bugs, Rin.

Right now at this moment I'm sitting here with tears spilling down my face. You guys are beautiful. I'm not sure what just hit me today.

Maybe it was this morning when my parents stopped by and we went out to lunch, DD17 was showing them her scrapbook that she made in school. It had her on her brthday... pictures of WH, her OS and me holding her the day she was born. Pictures of family stuff. Him and DS when DS was jsut learning to skate. A family vacation when I happened to break a bone in both feet. I think that's what got me in this funk remembering that we did have good times.

Rin believe it or not I went to a meeting last night. Happened to see one of the ladies at church on Sunday and in line for communion she stopped and gave me a hug. I was okay for the most part last night. Just knowing I can only control me... which I think is the hardest thing for me right now. I guess I was a very controlling person.

So right now I'm done with my pity party for one. Thanks guys for knocking me out of it.

My bar has been raised although at fleeting moments I still for one second think I just want him back even like he is. But it is only for a moment.

Still

Hey, I completely understand and I believe that was what got you to this point today...

I found that grieving the illusion that I thought I had was the hardest thing to do...sometimes I still do, but it's better today!

Congrads on the meeting!

I was trying to think about the part you said about you being very controlling and trying to apply that to myself...I really need to think about that some...

Because my first thought was to turn that around and explain why we had to be controlling...example a lack of them not doing their part...but I think that I have to accept that if I did that I would blaming them and not accepting my stuff...

I was controlling...plain and simply, and the reason I was I guess doesn't really matter...

Perhaps we can explore that together...LMAO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Two controlling but yet once weins exploring why we were controlling but at the same time couldn't stand up for ourselves...so funny!

At least to me! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry if I applied you to my sitch and it didn't fit...