That's the direction I was heading. So how does your husband feel about being obedient to God now?




lol....I don't suppose this question was directed at me.

"There's the door, son, see you when you are ready to be obedient to the God you claim as your Savior and Lord. I'm not going to be condoning or accepting of willful sin against our Lord."

Yep. Kinda cold. Kinda cruel. By the "world's standards."

But a choice FOR or AGAINST God has to be made. That's all part of how we witness for Christ, by surrendering our will to God's will.

What can we do to help your husband with this issue of your MIL?

RLT,

Boy, can I relate. My MIL pulled the same stunt as yours did, encouraging my FWH to abandon his family and take up with the OW. As far as I know, my FWH never took the OW to meet MIL, but MIL would have welcomed her with open arms.

As far as I am concerned MIL was more dangerous to my marriage than OW. I hold her as responsible for my FWH irresponsible behavior during the A as I do my FWH.

Therefore, 3 years later when I discovered renewed contact between OW and FWH, lo and behold it was because he can talk to the OW about his mother and how he cannot talk to me about her.

You know, I rarely call other people evil. In my mind my MIL is EVIL with capital letters. She has hated me from day one, did not come to the wedding, has forgotten the name of my youngest D. She has encouraged my H to leave me and the children, as she did when she had her own A and left my FIL. She has encouraged all of her children to have an A, she even invited several of my BIL’s women to her house to spend the night when he was married.

So, when further contact was discovered between H and OW, I asked for a divorce. I was ready to end my M and the only upside was that I would never have to deal with MIL again.

H wanted to come home. My only request that all contact between OW and MIL had to end. I did not coerce or beg him, it was a condition he had to fulfill to come home.

H understands how dangerous his Mother is. So he chose his wife and children. We were already married 20 years when I asked for a divorce due to discovery of contact between H and OW. Now, we just celebrated our 24th A, and our lives have been much more settled since he has no contact with MIL.

RLT, I realize that is a drastic step and your H may not be ready. It took my H three years after the 1st DDay to be ready to give up on his Mother, as she was the only one who supported him and encouraged him during the A.

To this day I have not called her or written to her of my extreme anger. I have fantasized about going to her house and confronting her. I had dreams about dancing on her grave. I have come to a point where I really do not care anymore. When my H cut off all contact with her ,the silence from H is more hurtful than anything I could ever say.

NOMO

FH--

Ha! MIL would say NOTHING like that to FWH. "Religous crap." Remember? This, from a "good Catholic woman."

One Easter Sunday many years ago, she made me stand outside the doors of the church because I was not a Catholic, and therefore, not allowed to enter ...

And of course the question is for you. You have kids, right?

I think FWH is probably feeling in the middle, again. Although I can't speak for him.

I know he is extremely uncomfortable when this subject comes up, but I feel that this one has been "swept under the rug" long enough.

He's just now starting to understand the "leaving, cleaving" concept, but my guess is that he is probably feeling torn.

NOMO, you mean your FWH no longer speaks to his M?

My MIL also conversed with OW, via a letter or two. Lordy only know what they had to say to each other.

Yes, I often refer to my MIL as the "other" other woman. Probably just as dangerous, seeing as what she has tried to do to our marriage in all of our 25 years together.

On my wedding day, MIL got pissed because my mother was sitting on the wrong side of the wedding table (whatever that means), so MIL promptly took her plate and squeezed into a corner off by herself to pout for the rest of the day.

How is your husband with NC with the M?

Noodle and FCF, thanks for those responses. FWH has asked me a time or two in the past, "What would you do if it was YOUR son?" "She was just looking out for me." Huh??

I said I would promptly take son into the other room and give him a what for! I didn't think that was such an outlandish or unrealistic answer. I really think it is what I would do.

He tells me not to blame her for his actions.

I'm not.

I'm blaming her for HER actions.

What's so hard to understand about that?

Why would someone who loves you help you make destructive choices so they don't have to be uncomfortable?

That's not love...it's selfishness.

Noodle, I assume you're referring to MIL helping FWH make destructive choices?

and selfish? Yes.

Because, at his ripe old age of 46 years old, she would love nothing more than to have her son move home.

And I'm not kidding.

An idiots opinion of me is irrelevant. LOL.

Frog, perhaps my "bulldog" behavior has more to do with my shot down self-esteem from the affair, more than anything.