Hi everyone its been months since I last posted. I had a good but draining weekend and I need to get it off my chest before my heart explodes.

About a week in a half ago WH told me that he had gotting tickets for the grand prix race that was here in town over the weekend and wanted me and the boys to go with him, I love racing and thought it sounded like fun.

So I just spent the last 3 days with my H and today my heart is breaking. We had so much fun it was like old tmes.

On Friday night after we got home from the race we started talking it was a good and bad time to talk both of us had had to much to drink but WH gets very loose lipped when he has been drinking. He said a few things and I was hoping that maybe some of you might be able to decipher what he met.

One thing he said is that he can't come home as long as I live where I do.

That he can't be the H I need him to be.

He also told me that if he was in my shoes that he would probably be doing the same things that I am doing.( this is new because last year he said he didn't know if he would have wanted to save the marriage if I had cheated.)

He said that he lays awake at night thinking about all the things that he has done to me. And he doesn't understand why he hasn't made the right choice.

Then earlier in the day YS made a comment about what he whats for his b-day, he said I want Mom to get me blah and Dad I what you to get blah. WH said it broke his heart that YS asked us for different presents(we have always got gifts together).

He also said that things are starting to change on the A end but i'm not sure what that means.

I did ask him if I should just give up on our M he said no, then said he doesn't what to hurt me anymore.

I'm sure more things will come to me but this is all I can think of right now.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I think my heart will stay intact for now.

Words are words...and only words.

Actions are what matters. He 'says' he doesn't want to hurt you anymore...but he keeps doing it.

What plan are you in? Link to your original thread?

And this coming saturday is d-day anniversary and a week later is our 17th wedding anniversary. I HATE ALL OF THIS.

I guess I'm in plan A. I was in plan B but I couldn't do it.

I don't know how to like my thread.

Hi, (((((MAR)))))...good to see you around...I'm so sorry that you are in pain...

IMVHO, I hear remorse...I hear that he wants to be with you but doesn't know how...similiar to Lizzie's recovery...her WH wanted to recover but didn't know how to get there...I see the same thing with your WH...

I could be wrong, so I'll let the experts handle it from here...

I've missed you! And I'm glad that you guys had a wonderful weekend...key here is progress not perfection.

God bless!

Hi Rin I've missed you to I having been keeping up on your thread just haven't been posting.

Oh, on more thing he said

He had told me on d-day that he has never loved anyone the way he loves her, but when I made that comment to him he said that the only person that he would have said that about is me.

Sounds like some fog is lifting but action speak louder than words...

Breathe, remain still and let him catch up!

Action is what I am waiting for.

I was very suprised when he told me about the race tickets. I mean he was thinking about me and the boys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

He also brought me a carmel frapp. from starbucks when he came over yesterday morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

i HAVE TO GO BUT TAKE IT EASY...I think you need to be patience right now...

you're in my prayers...Oh, has he done something like this before?

Marflow, it's been a while. Yeah, I thought you had gone to Plan B, and then you dropped out of sight. Could you explain what kept you out of Plan B? How have things been these last months? Can you talk about that?

It sounds good, but it is crumbs. I understand that feeling that you have right now, but he is FAR from recovery as things stand. I know it's difficult, but I would decline spending any time with him until OW is out of the picture, even if you DON'T do plan B.

You are hanging on by Caramel Frappuncino's, and however nice, it's nothing. Also, yes he IS thinking about you and the boys, sure he is, he wants you and her.

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't settle for less than married. What quality of life do you have with your WH?

Just a padded, gently 2x4 coming atcha.

You will be in a perpetual Plan A, except you don't have a time frame (Plan A does) and no limits to what you will accept from WH. I think it's great for your DS's to spend time with dad, but I think you are sending WH the wrong message.

How bout you post what's been happening and we all brainstorm a Plan for you?

No he has done nothing nice for me in over a year. It has been all about what he wants.

Hmmm, well, what do you want Marflow? Do you still want your M? Let's get this started. Take control bit by bit.

bump, b/c you are important! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Rin.

Silent-I had to think about what you said. Part of the reason I have not been in plan B. I don't think I am cut out to do it. You know I broke my plan B because i got into an accident but that really was an excuse. At best my plan B was dusk I never went dark not like I should have.

"Do you still want your M?"

YES more than anything.

"How bout you post what's been happening and we all brainstorm a Plan for you?"

Ok, Where to start. In February I had little contact with him I don't call him I wait for him to call me.

In March I had a little trouble with my car, the hood few up why I was going down the hwy I called WH he came and help me. Two days later I got a call from him letting me know that my step son would be in town for the weekend and he wanted to make sure that I got to see him. That didn't happen MIL decided to have a family get together for step son and of coures I was not invited.

I did tell WH the other night how bad that hurt me.

My step daughter won't have anything to do with her Dad he has called her over and over and she won't return his calls.

She has told me that she is very anger at him.

Quote-" how dare he leave my Mom.

My step daughter had to come leave with H and I when she was 16 she had a drug problem and bio-mom didn't want to believe it.

Ok back to want be going on- I really had not heard alot from WH until he e-mailed be about the tickets to the race.

The Saturday after he told me about the tickets we went bowling as a family.

One more thing OS just had his 16th b-day WH didn't get him a card or a present.

Post deleted by catman801

Good Morning All, Feeling a little better today.

WH called last night to let me know that he would be over today to finish our taxes, today is his day off which means he will go see the wh*re then coming over for dinner with the family.. is it just me or is that truly SICK.

Silent- one more thing that he and I did. We went to the movies at the being of Feb.

By the why OS know about what his Dad is doing...he said he hope OWH catches his Dad and beats the h3ll out of him.

Going,

I admit I don't know your thread that well but the quote above threw me for a loop. Do you mean to tell me the OWH doesn't know about your WH having an affair with his wife? Have you not exposed?

Marflow, I totally get why you are afraid of Plan B, but your Marriage will not be saved this way. If that is truly your goal, you're going to have to cut this man out of your life. He will not come back to you under these circumstances. If you want to share him, and you are okay with that, then you are on the right track. Your children see all, they know all. Think about what they see in you right now. Think about what you want them to see in you.

Oh, Marflow, please don't let this perpetuate. You will grow to hate this man, and yourself. Think about Plan B again, can you do that? Don't allow him to hurt you anymore.

Hope- OWH know he doesn't care his gay.

Silent- I am thinking ablout plan b even told OS last night that I may need to do it..he doesn't like me in plan b because WH doesn't see him and his brother.

Sometimes I wish I could hate WH it would be so much easier. I'm sure you know that feeling.

WH did say the other night that he didn't know if he could handle if I started to see other men..So I used the words he gave me for when he started his A....I am ripe for the picking..as much I don't want to give up.. I so miss the touch of a man its been 18 months.. my #1 EN is SF.

I don't know why I wrote all that except if I come to hate WH then I can justify screwing another man.

OK TIME TO SWING 2X4

Why don't your kids see their dad when you are in Plan B?

Oh, no R's with anyone until you figure this one out, okay. THWACK.