Hi guys, I am new to your forum, but have spent all the afternoon reading most of everyones stories, here is the deal, I have been married for 8 years, have a beautiful little girl 3 years old, however, for the past few months, have been feeling weird. Work on the road, with a lot of males, and of course am targeted quite often. See the thing is I never use to let it get to me, but lately, I feel repressed, misunderstood, unappreciated, and just plain forgotten. The fire in our marriage is gone. sex has been a chore and it dosen't seem that DH is understanding. Now logically I know that having an affair is not the way to go- what if the shoe where on the other foot. I have tried counceling, talking, fighting, showing. But nothing seems to work. On the other hand I have a friend, who having already cheated on his wife, would like to become my friend with benefits. Talk about temptation, because we are both attracted to each other- Help me convince myself that there are no such people as "friends with benefits" or if we both walk into this knowing it will lead no where- is there such a thing as benefits that wont change a friendship?

scared and amused -

Will he pay you for putting out, though? As my momma always told me: "Mel, don't put out for free! At least a prostitute gets paid for her services!" I try to be a little more clever than a prostitute, don't you?

How will you be compensated for putting out? Don't put out for free!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

$200 is the lowest you should charge

THE REAL COST

Look into the eyes of your beautiful child and tell her "Mommie is going to break Daddy's heart and risk your family stability so she can have fun sex with a man who does not respect Mommie."

thanks guys a little harsh dont you think ------

You are a big girl and no one can convince you of anything against your will. My question is are the benefits good enough to sacrifice all your self respect? Will it be worth it when your husband and his wife find out?

I don't know, only you can answer that question. Perhaps a hundred spot would be worth it? fifty? Maybe a package deal where he gets a free lay with a pre-paid package of 10?

I would try and get at least $50 and perhaps a free dinner. However, once you crawl in the pig pen with him and waller around, he won't be your "friend" anymore. Especially when his wife finds out!! YIKES! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Does he have children, too?

Crawling in the pig pen for a roll in the mud with a married man is much harsher.

adultery kills families

that is harsh

Hmm. Honey - you are already having an emotional affair with this guy and "rutting like pigs" will be the next step unless you RUN NOW.

defend your principles

do the "benefits" of his friendship outweigh the "costs"

haven't you read enough here to help you see what an afair does to your marraige, your spouse, your children....and your soul?

please read fall in love, stay in love and encourage your H to also

let him know that you feel your needs aren't being met and find ways to meet them together

once you cross that line.....you will never be the same again

you will be someone who has lied and cheated on the person who trusted you most in life

if they ever find out, they will never feel the same about you again

if they never find out, you will never feel the same again

make your spouse your friend

Thank you Big Kahuna- I belive you are right, and i am having an emotional affair - due to the lack of affection from my spouse. At least you were kind enough not to portray me as a prostitute - And may I remind all of you, that I was comming to you for advise on how to deal with emotions, u nfortunatly no one has control over what the feel, only waht they act upon. And up untill know I have not acted upon anything. I DO NOT have the mind set of a prostitute- as do some of us !

do the benefits outweigh this:

1. the look on your husband's face when he finds out and files for divorce

2. getting dumped by coworker after 3 lays when he finds a hotter piece of [censored] [and he will! that is what cheaters do!]

3. the look of disgust on your bosses face when he has to counsel you to keep your britches on around your coworkers

4. the look of shame on your parents faces when they find out from your H that your divorce is related to an affair with a serial cheater who dumped you

For all that I would charge at least $500 and get a free dinner with roll, 2 sides and PIE! CHOCOLATE PIE!!

Well, at least a prostitute is smart enough to get paid for her services. If you are going to put out, at least try to get something for your services. Don't put out for free!

Feelings follow actions.
Feelings are fickle and change.
I might feel like doing lots of things.
I ACT based on my code, morals, boundaries, mind-set, whatever you want to call it.

You have discussed getting "benefits" from someone outside of your marriage. That's an action, and it speaks to your code, morals, boundaries, mind set, whatever you want to call it.

You've also admitted that you're having an emotional affair ... that's an action.

Your actions are going to make it pretty hard for you to restore the feelings of love in your marriage. You need to start acting in accordance with what you want -- which you say is for your husband to understand, appreciate, and respect you. How on earth is an affair going to achieve that goal? Will you even be able to understand, appreciate or respect yourself?????

please read my post on page 1

my H and OW started out as "friends with benefits"

we have both had our lives destroyed

the OW, her H and her 4 children have had their lives destroyed

my h has said many times that he knows he is the one who made the choice that ruined our marriage

you can never really go back

i live with his choice everyday

i trusted him
i loved him
he destroyed me

he lives with his choice everyday

he now says when he looks in the mirror he sees a monster....
that he feels such guilt and shame

he will never be the person he used to be

if this man were your friend.....he would care about you AND your marriage

he would never have offerred

he cares about WHAT HE WANTS

aren't you a better person than that?

don't you want to stay that way?

May I suggest you read Time_for_change and JKsmith for a possible future for you and your daughter if you dont stop the EA.

Methinks a job change is in order - dont you think?

Scared - Please tell your husband about your feelings for this co-worker. Please also as Eav suggested read "His Needs, Her Needs" or "Fall in love, stay in love" together. They are both available from this site.

You would also do well to read the infidelity FAQ's here on this site. They will help you run from this.

No, you can not blame your husband for your bad choices. He may not be affectionate, but you are the one who is choosing to cheat on him emotionally and are considering cheating on him physically.

If you are looking for justification for doing that you came to the wrong place.

You say you don't have the mind set of a prostitute. Maybe since you plan on giving it away for free that would be more of the slut, trash, or ho mindset? That is what the high school/college age kids call it.

Do you honestly think that friends with benefits is anything other than cheating? Do you honestly think that engaging in such activities makes you any better than someone who put outs for a price?

You say you don't have the mind set of a prostitute. Maybe since you plan on giving it away for free that would be more of the slut, trash, or ho mindset? That is what the high school/college age kids call it.

The only 'benefits' male/female coworkers need would be the occaisional loan of a pen.

Why do you insist on refering to me as a PROSTITUTE- I have done nothing wrong- I come to your forum seeking advice on an emotional situation- you have made your point relevant that the benefits dont outweigh the consequences- But rather than trying to help the only thing you have made me is more angry by continusly refering to me as a tramp.

I belive that that you may have underlying issues in selling yourself- however that is not my problem. You could try and be a little more comprehensive and actualy giving advice, and pointing a finger at a pe3rson you know nothing about !!!!!