I guess I gave her the link to the forums as a way for her to write in and ask questions in an anonymous environment. She picked me out because "who else would pick such a stupid name".

Sunny is not her, but rather one of her “friends” if not the OM.

Anyway, this is her choice. A choice that she will make for me and the kids whether or not we like the outcome.

Thank you all for the insight and help. This place is great.

peace

Well now, isn't this a fine kettle of fish. Hokay, this is a pro-marriage, anti-affair forum where there is an absolute ton of people who know one heckofa lot about affairs, how they start, and as importantly, how they end.

It is all like a sordid hollywood script. 97% of affairs end badly for everyone, including those in the affair. Of the three percent remaining, who knows, maybe only the spouses are emotionally gutted.

All for what? Just infatuation driven emotions compounded by affair guilt coverup, lying, betrayal and a host of other not so nice double dealings. What are the outcomes? It ain't a pretty sight. Ahhhhh, but yours is different, right? Tell me that in a couple of years or less, usually much, much less.

Ignorance breeds affairs. How else can you explain why so many otherwise decent people (and critters) choose to destroy their family, kids, parents, and collude with their other affairee to destroy yet another family, all the while lying their face off about how rotten their spouses are.

Again, to what end? What are the consequences? That other person you so adore, at the expense of ignoring all the red flags, is also a cheater, basically a lier and certainly not going about being a very nice person, right?

The only good thing about affairs is most often, the one who committed adultery and betrayed their spouse, almost always ends up an emotional basket case, devastated by what they have done to another human being who trusted them and their kids.

Infatuations never last. And by definition, affairs are driven by infatuation. This is the way it works. How do I know that? Just look around you. All the stories are here if you have the courage to read them.

Larry

Hi, I just wanted to give an update here. I sort of just stopped talking about this situation and went into self-preservation mode for a while. I am still not divorced although today my W told me she had given her attorney the go-ahead to serve me with divorce documents. I guess at this point, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for it. It is still not the outcome that I want. It is not what is best for our kids or for either of us. This does not make things better and it doesn’t solve anything. It’s just running away from reality.

It has been very frustrating to watch what she is doing. She is following a path and the outcome is almost predictable. Her friends have been down this path and they are not happy. She is going the same direction, almost exactly, but somehow it will magically be different for her. I know that I cannot change her; she has to change herself. It has been frustrating to not be able to help her. I thought that I could be strong and be here for her when she got through it, but it looks like it’s going to be a while or may never happen. Even if she had thoughts/feelings of reconciliation, her pride is too big to let her come back; she isn’t the type of person to admit she’s wrong.

She has told me that the original OM is out of the picture now (of course I don’t believe her), but now there is another OM (I guess once you’ve made the choice to have an affair, why not have another..). He seems like a decent guy from what I’ve heard about him, and a good candidate to replace me. He is having a relationship with my W and sees my kids more than I do. I guess that’s the best I can hope for – that she finally lands on someone who will at least be good to the kids. It still hurts a lot to know that this person who I love and who loved me could do this to the kids and I. If I think about it too much, it really gets to me. I suppose that will go away with time.

I feel like I have learned so much through this process. I feel like I’m a better person in many ways. I understand more about marriage. I know what's important. I will use what I’ve learned as I move forward.

Anyway, this website has been great. It has helped me to connect the dots in my mind. I really think that there is a reason why I found it.

thanks

Update:
I just got served with papers here at work. She is asking for the moon. Aren't "no fault" states great. She is the one who has the affair, she is the one who abandons the marriage, she is the one who lies and is living a lie and she gets to walk away with half of everything and custody of the kids. This new OM is going to benefit from my income and my hard work.

Life is great!!

Hey Barn. I remember your thread. I am sorry that your situation never improved.

BUT and here comes the 2x4, please quit accepting the above as gospel as the only way this can turn out. I don't know all the rules in a no fault state but I can bet you that there have been men in your state who got mean azzed attorneys and didn't take this crap lying down. Dont you do it either. Let WW know that if she wants to be reasonable about the $, custody arrangements, etc then you can too, but if she wants to get ugly and unreasonable then you will see that pigs can't get as dirty as your divorce will be.