Cynical me, that may have been the flag waving in front of her face all along...


I thought the military was short of manpower. And they paying people off to get out ????????? Can you stay in? Er, for obvious reasons.

Larry

Dave, she isn’t your wife anymore. She’s a mean, vindictive, spiteful alien beamed down from the mother ship to create conflict and discord on earth. Picture her as one of the malevolent creatures in that sleazy bar Luke Skywalker walked into in the first "Star Wars" movie. They are her. QED. You can’t expect anything but invective from a malicious alien beast, right?

Are you journaling all of the things your WW is doing, Dave? I hope you are. Add entries every night (or as often as possible), detailing her actions, words, etc. If you have yet to start one, please consider doing it ASAP. BTW, one written in a spiral notebook in your own hand is better than an online one. If you’re journaling, please make sure you indicate the effect everything your WW does/says has on your children.

I don’t know if you’re on flying status or in security police (or whatever they’re called now) but if not, have you investigated the possibility of getting some antidepressants? They will help immensely, keeping you focused and on an even keel. Please consider this.

How’s the Plan A going, pardner? You and the children getting out to see the museums, zoos, and historical sights in the area? I’m sure you’re in good shape, but are you continuing to work out with a goal you’re working toward? Or maybe you’re reading those classic novels in the evening after the kids are in bed? Tell us about what you’re doing, okay?

A stray thought: Is your state one of those which requires only one of the two parties to a phone conversation to be aware it’s being recorded? If the worst-case scenario plays out, it might be interesting to have her actual words on tape. Just a thought. I seriously don’t know where it came from.

BTW, I hope you only changed your state of legal residence -- not your HOR, right?

Hang in there, pardner.

No AOA vs. other man, not a great track record on those from the caselaw I have read and they cost a lot to get going. It would be tough to put together a more than circumstancial case. No need for anti-depressants or whatnot, I have a team of psych docs and social workers checking me out regularly (I have an interesting job...). I'd like to do some more confronting on some things, but doing so would give away my tactics, techniques and procedures (to throw some military jargon in there)...in the intelligence business, the information is never classified, but HOW WE GOT the information is classified. Some of this is still very close hold.

I have a journal, albeit not a great one. I also started something recently that you've alluded to regarding telephone conversation. Yes, I am in one of those states but remember, its classified.

Sidenote...the military is woefully short of personnel in general, and military intel people specifically. That being said, I fall into a unique category - I am in the Air Force, which just so happens to be fat on junior intelligence officers. So they offered me a chance to get out with some money, and I jumped on it. It will give me the chance to go to law school without suffering college loans, etc. I've got two kids, I don't have the luxury of eating Ramen noodles every night. Frankly, I like to think that the stars aligned to help me change into my new life. I have faith it will work out...but not sure what that means so much.

Ultimately, Plan A is working...at least for me. I have improved dramatically and will continue to do so. Most of my personal obstacles have been overcome, and frankly with the exception of the marriage I am getting my way most of the time. Sounds selfish, but the kids are good, the bills are paid and we're eating well!

Well, now we have a monkey wrench in the works. My WS offered me a deal it will be hard to refuse, as its almost everything I asked for, with one painful exception.

Her offer is:

I will have primary custody...split time with kids 50/50
She wants no alimony, including my severance bonus
She takes 50% of the bills & 50% of the stuff
No money changing hands for child support...we'd both take care of them properly

The kicker of course, is that she wants me to not fight her on an immediate divorce. That means that as soon as possible she would file and I wouldn't fight at all, I'd just pretty much not participate in the process and just let it happen.

So, I take my chances in court and she has to wait until December to file OR I don't fight and get everything else I wanted. She would like me to co-sign a car loan, but I don't think thats absolutely necessary. The kids wouldn't stay with her until August or so when she gets her own place.

Logic screams "Take the deal, who cares what she is up to you get mostly your way!"...of course, logic continues to get b1tchslapped by emotion. She is supposed to have something in writing Tuesday, so I guess we'll see if there is more fog talk or if she's really willing to put her money where her mouth is.

Any thoughts? I'd love to save the marriage, I really would but at least this way I get to save me and the kids.

This "offer" is from the same woman who vowed to love and cherish you forever. Hmmmm.

The no child support would be a big red flag for me, unless she has consistently demonstrated that she is spending most of her time with your children and taking good care of them. Children deserve court ordered child support from whichever parent isn't the one with custody. The problem is what would happen if she disappeared, and didn't care for your children? I know, she swears she wouldn't, but she also promised not to cheat.

Also the 50% of the bills thing isn't great either, because if she reneged on that, you would still be on the hook.

As far as co-signing for a car, keep in mind that 90% of co-signers end up paying for the car, even if it has "disappeared" too.