I respectfully disagree.

This "question" involved the well-being of a child. When that is the case, as far as I'm concerned, the "play nice or don't play at all" theory goes out the window

Aw, come on Wiftty, we were just having some fun troll-roasting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Don't spoil the fun for us immature abnormal losers!

AGG

Wiffty has a point about diverse opinions. Yet, I think this board is pretty diverse. We tend to be conservative, but lots of us are more liberal. There are those of us who believe in abstaining from sex until marriage, and those of us who think that’s too risky. There are those of us who believe divorce is wrong, Wrong, WRONG, and those of us who believe it is right in certain circumstances. Some of us regret our divorces, while other rejoice in them. Not everyone believes in God—there are atheists among us.

So, when we all think someone’s feelings are far outside the norm, I think we’re on to something. It’s not that PP was worried about how this daughter was affect her marriage. It’s not even that she was a little jealous. It’s the degree. Being jealous of your husband for hugging his daughter is bizarre. Questions spring to mind: Is PP jealous because she cannot see the difference between the hug of husband and wife and father and daughter? (In other words, is she seeing a romantic element in the imagined hug?) or is she really so insecure that any hug throws her for a loop? What if her husband hugs a friend?

Then there’s her comment that once they stopped talking the to little girl, things got back to normal. How can anyone think it is normal? Finally, there is the odd coincidence that PP has been married almost a year, and that her husband hasn’t talked to his daughter in a year. It may mean anything or nothing.

Besides, not everything is gray. There is such a thing as right and wrong, and in my book right and wrong trump feelings. Barring PP’s husband being an abusive nut-case, the right thing is for him to make occasional attempts to reestablish a relationship with his daughter. Even if she choses not to accept the overtures, PP’s H is reinforcing that she’s valuable to him and he cares about her.

Nellie2, An EXCELLENT point about professionals offering advice in this kind of forum!!!!

Agreed.The issues about children aren't up for argument.Once you are a parent,you are a parent for life and anyone who would encourage a parent not to engage with their own children,and particularly for selfish reasons too, isn't ok in my book.

It's why people enter into affairs,because it feels good to them yet it's wrong on every single point.I think when people here read a post and know what the right reaction is,it all seems we are ganging up but in reality we are seeing what that person has yet to see.Like in adultery and listening to the OP or WS say how right the A is and how unique,etc.MB'ers know better.There's no argument for how "beneficial" A's are...

Maybe we've heard the last of PP/Psychologist??

troll roasting is fine in my book, its just that he did have one good point, and that is the problem with individual counseling. . . versus marriage counseling, the two have to go somewhat hand in hand, because some counselors will want what's best for you, the individual at the expense of the marriage, which is not always good. . .

however, I do find that the marriage/wife/step child relationship is questionable, however, I did not address that, i only addressed that the poster has a right to her opinion, and then its up to the husband to dump her. . .

its part of the Radical Honesty policy, which is what the NYPsychologist was advocating. . . now, that doesn't mean i would put up with it as her Husband, what it means is that the husband/father has the best information to make a decisions, whether we judge it good or bad. . .

i judge her like my XW, an idiot, but that is for the H to decide. . . or one to say that I wouldn't put up with it. . . and there may be valid reasons why the H/F is putting up with it. . . most likely not, but to him, there may be. . .

its all in the perspective, and the fact that we all have incomplete knowledge

wiftty

Obviously this is not a troll case.
I´m stepping in because PP is offline for the week and I would like to clarify some issues that have been brought up:
1- None of us are trolls.
2- PP´s H simply CANNOT see his daughter. I don´t know how to make it more clear. It is not that he doesn't want to - he CANNOT do it. For private reasons that DO NOT involve any kind of sick or disturbing behavior.
3- PP´s H does not know his daughter anymore and is uncertain he even wants to go that direction. Once again, even being the bio father, he has the right to say NO. He will not dump PP over this. They make decisions together, as a couple. There is no reason to dump his wife when he has been waiting to marry her for about 2 years. They share a very beautiful love story - not relevant to this forum. He is a CEO, educated, wise man who believes he´s making the right choices for his life. Will he regret it? We don´t know. He may, he may not.
4- PP DOES know the difference between a hug from H/W to Father/Daughter. Her H did not act propperly so to speak with her in the past. Everytime she visited from the foreign country, he would give all the attention/affection to his daughter and none to her. She felt like she didn´t belong in that family who would later dissolve. PP´s H has been through therapy to overcome the issue he had with the attention/affection but obviously it takes a lot to show a woman, especially the wife, she is and always will be number one. They are Christians, the spouse comes after God and before any child.

well, honestly, if pp supposedly has you now, she doesn't need us. because we are probably all going to stand behind our convictions and beliefs. she doesn't need to justify herself or him to us. she should probably just keep talking to you because i think we have all made our voices pretty clear on this. she came here asking for our advice and our opinions and she got them. now you are here telling us we are all wrong. so why bother?

if you truly are who you say you are (which no psychologist i know would ever come to a public forum like this especially trying to justify how a "patient" or someone who has confided in them, feels, let alone divulge private information about them that should be between you and she. if she wants us to know this stuff have HER tell us, not YOU) then consult with her privately and leave it off of these boards.

sounds like you two have it all figured out anyway. i may be being a b*tch about this, but i feel pretty strongly about this topic and about children who, by her own words, was "not wanted"

sad sad sad

mlhb

considering how pp and her h feel, i think they should just move off to a foreign land and as far away from this innocent child as possible. with a "step mother" who can't even stand to see the poor child get affection from her own father, and a father who, by admission, said this child was not wanted, she is MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM.

and when that child starts feeling the abandonment issues she most likely is already feeling, i hope the father will at least be kind enough to take some of his "ceo" salary and pay for the years of therapy she is most definitely going to need.

with that, i say kind regards and good night. i shall not post any more on this topic.
mlhb

I can't believe 4 pages were wasted on this person's selfish acts.

nuff said.

I can't believe a psychologist is sharing information given to her in confidence, on a public forum.

[color:"blue"]OBVIOUSLY???? [/color]

i don't know how long you have been using the internet, but i can assure you that i have been using it longer, since i worked for companies that were parties to its development.

Having been in chat rooms since the early nineties, yes, nineties, seldom can one take a statement as obvious. . . from another chat room member, as reality.. .

and to state that NONE of us are trolls, is putting yourself in a very large group, that includes trolls. . .
the world is never quite that black and white. . .

wiftty

an ow forum rather...?

You are not happy (with him)... in addition to your sooo low self-esteem...

And this is not about his daughter (it's more about his X-wife 'coming into your lives' if visitations are re-established...), but about you being insecure in his love, your love, (btw, that is not (healthy) love what you share), your present time with him and future time with him as well...

All this in addition to so much selfishness... a killing combination... - tried IC/MC? For I think you passed by some healthy borders a few thousands miles ago...