Boy does this thread speak to me. I won't hijack the thread with my details - but a lot of what you're going through, is exactly what I'm going through.

Main difference - my XH moved on ... so did I (first) but I ended my R some months ago. Among other things I've come to realize a few things about myself, and my XH.

The fly in my ointment is that XH had/has a GF. She lived with him for about a year, recently moved back to her home state, but they are still "together" - as much as 2 people can be if they are 2000 miles apart.

I don't dare "go there" right now - but I'm trying to figure things out within myself as to if/when I will approach the subject with him.

I'm trying to do what things have been suggested here - similar things have been suggested to me in my own thread on GQII (I have one here but I kind of moved it to GQII for more traffic...)

I'm sort of kind of doing a Modified Plan A with a 180.

My XH lives close by and we share a business together - he was out of the business for a while but has been involved again with it for the last 3 1/2 months - so we do have a fair amount of contact.

It's tough when you reflect on what went wrong (from both parties' point of view - we have to each own our own junk, as well as be able to "lay blame"...) - and I keep looking at it all, and it was all FIXABLE. So I sit here wondering why we just didn't fix it - and would he even be interested in fixing it now?

I've been working on fixing myself - for me. He's fixed a lot of his stuff - depression was a big one and he got treatment after we split - that in and of itself was the cause for many of our problems - he admitted that to his mother in an email a few months after we split up. I don't know if he told her this to make himself look good but I'd like to think he meant it (he later sent me a copy of the email exchange he had with his mother at that time).

Who knows - maybe *then* that was an effort to reconcile on his part, but it was too fresh at the time and I either missed it completely or wasn't receptive to it.

We've both had times when the door was open, but either one didn't tell the other in plain English, or by the time I approached him, his window of opportunity had closed.

It's tough - believe me - we've been apart almost 3 years now and it still hurts. I still want to fix things - but I don't dare approach him now - at least not until the vestiges of his relationship are done with - because if I did now, I'm fairly sure I'd be shot down in an instant.

Perhaps when that "fog" lifts... we'll see.

I can certainly feel your pain.

JinGA