How does child custody evaluation work?

Depends what state you live in but in general someone is appointed by the court to evaluate both parents and their living arrangements and ability to care for the kid/s. They then make a recomondation that they present to the judge on what living/custody arrangement they feel would be best for the kid/s.

Horsey,

I went through this many years ago. As noteshoped said, it may vary slightly in process from state to state, but I'd venture to say its fairly similar in most cases. The court will first appoint an evaluator. You will schedule an appointment with the evaluator.

The evaluator will speak with you and ask you questions and will also spend some time talking with the child. S/he will want to know about the living arrangement(s), school, how visits have been going, etc. S/he will also want to meet with the child's father. In some cases they may need to meet several times.

The evaluator will then make a recommendation to the court as to custody arrangements. The courts will *typically* follow the recommendation as they will believe this to be the *expert* opinion and if you disagree you will carry the burden of proof of putting on experts to prove the best interest of the child is otherwise.

During the evaluation is the time to bring forward any concerns that you have. Does your ex have a mental history? Substance abuse? Violence? Etc. However, I wouldn't go in there angry and spend all of your focus on the ex either. Remember, it is most likely in the best interest of the child to know both of his/her parents and so the evaluator is looking for a lot of things.

Some of them may be (not limited to) as follows:

What environment is most nurturing for the child's needs (physical, emotional, financial, etc.)?
What environment is safest?
What environment is most stable?
Which parent is most likely to foster a relationship with both parents?
Which enivornment/plan is least disruptive for the child?

I can tell you that if the child has been with you for 2 - 3 years, that will carry a lot of weight and unless there are problems there, they will not likely want to disrupt it, but they will be objective and want to consider everything.

In the end, only an attorney who is familiar with the specific facts of your situation and/or an experienced child counselor/evaluator can tell you what to expect in your individual situation. The above represents my individual situation and my experience and observations with others going through similar.

I've had my boy with me for almost 2-1/2 years. His father lives in another state. I thought I'd have a clean divorce, we've separated most financial stuff, just the house and custody to figure out. I went to a counselor today and she said the attorney I met with yesterday was full of it. She claimed my ex might since he has money try to battle for sole custody. I wanted a quick cooperative divorce, and of course like most of those jerks she didn't like it. They don't want to help couples do that do they? I called my ex and told him either I hire an attorney or I place my own motion for mediation, so long as we both don't have attorneys I can do that. He started huffing and puffiing and I flat out told him that if he wants a bad divorce I'll just quit talking to him, I'll with hold my boy and he will only be able to talk to my attorney, that I don't need the stress of listening to him carry on. The counselor is right, he doesn't have much of a chance with this much time having passed. Plus he left the state. At least I found a nice calm counselor, and she gave me the name of a "gentle" divorce attorney. It seems like the system is so messed up to me, it's hard to find any wisdom out there. But I'm determined to get through this as quickly as possible. My boy came home from a weekend with his father with a small bruise and cut, his dad said it was from hitting the side of the bed my boy said he pushed him. I threw a fit and likely shouldn't have as I didn't understand the system once again. That will be over soon as there's no evidence of anything, no witness as he was with his dad. It's just an example of why we need formal custody worked out, even more so now as he's dad's saying he has legal rights to his boy, to take him out of town without me. I've never let him do that before and I think his attorney told him to do this to prove that I'm not afraid of him or something. I just want him as much out of my life as possible, as well as attorneys and counselors and the whole system. I'll still need some legal advice but I'll have to hope mediation will work out. There have been no problems since I've had my boy, other then he's saying I missed a few shots at the doctor, I got the records and maybe it's true but I'll have a doctor look through it. I think the guy used to record conversations when I first left him as I was angry. But I haven't done any of that in two years. It was typical relationship fighting. I'll have to read up on evaluators because I read somewhere that judges usually side with them 90 percent of the time, is that true? My ex is a better talker then me. He's always enjoyed taunting me and trying to make me afraid to finish the divorce, mostly because it'll cost him and then I'll have set visitation which I could enforce. Now he just comes and goes as he wants. Even though I said since the other weekend, and he agreed that I would supervise again for a little while at least, he oversteped the boundaries immediately, not even talking to me about the ballgame two hours away next weekend, he spoke to my boy about it on the phone. He just doesn't accept boundaries so I need the courts to help me it seems. Then after I was firm with him today he emailed back to please let him be a father. Here I see men on this site saying don't mess with your ex or be a jerk or she'll pull the kids - and this man's been a jerk over and over again. I've put up with it, if my dad hadn't died in the middle of all of this I'd have divorced him a year or more ago. Now I need to really do it.

I'm sorry to hear of the troubles your having horsey.

First, its very hard for you to go up against him in court if he has an attorney and you don't. It doesn't mean you'll lose, but it puts you at a disadvantage. If he gets an attorney, I'd recommend highly that you get one right away. Its not a matter of if you can afford one, you can't afford not to get one. You boy is priceless and worth it.

Second, be very careful about witholding visits or threatening to withold visits. I would only do that under the advice of an attorney. Remember, one of the things the evaluator and the court will look for is the parent who will most likely foster a relationship between both parents. Given your sons age and the fact that he has been with you, I'd *guess* that the deck is stacked in your favor, but a wrong step could easily tilt it to even standing or even slightly his way.

This is in part why an attorney is so important. I know I'm biased, I'm studying to be a lawyer, but remember, I've been involved in a lot of stuff within the legal system and I've seen pro se litigants (self help, unrepresented) get taken advantage of time and time and time and time and time and time and time again on mere technicalities. To be honest, I've used that to my advantage in my past, repeatedly, against several of my ex wives (oops, did I say that out loud).

And remember, no matter how hard it is to accept, this guy is your son's dad. You may feel like your son would be better off without him (and you might be right, almost anyway), but let your son discover for himself that his dad is a flake. You should do whatever you can to foster a relationship between them. Don't let him walk all over you and protect your son at all costs, but beyond that you should go out of your way to accommodate visits. It will ruin your social life, be inconvenient, etc. I know, I've been living that myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. But its for the kids and your son is worth far more than whatever plans you had. And as he gets older, he will know the sacrifices you made for him.

And please, please, please don't take anything I'm saying for legal advice. It isn't. I'm not qualified. I'm an average joe schmuch who can't figure out how to hold a marriage together. But considered me a very experienced user of the new Divorce 3.0 software.

I have gone out of my way to help my boy and his father have a relationship. I really have done my part. I've saved emails between us as proof of this. I was told by a mediator a year ago that judges do get upset if someone is trying to withhold a child. My husband pushed me around and I left him, he got a charge for it. But he went to classes and that is almost three years behind him. The attorney yesterday said likely he'll get joint custody since he's been traveling every other month to see his boy from another state. I thought it was in the best interest of my boy. Today I did give him a mini threat about not seeing his son until this is settled. He had a cut and bruise from a weekend at a hotel with his dad. I was told that I do have a reason now to say we need to settle, and that he only see my boy with me around until then. I was told he could legally take my boy to another state and I wouldn't be able to do anything. I met a woman once that this happened to. Yes I do sometimes think my boy would be better without the jerk, but a friend once said I don't know what type of father he'll be. I've been surprised actually at the last year, he and my boy have had a great time on weekends. I thought it was for the best. But after I left him for a year he barely saw him, called him my child, couldn't be bothered. I felt sorry for my boy. I guess it's common an attorney said, divorce the wife, divorce the child. I was going to file for a divorce a year ago saying he basically abandoned his son, his attorney warned him he'd be in big trouble so he really started coming to see him constantly. I didn't proceed with the divorce, maybe I should have. At least after the weekend of the minor injury he got a warning that my boy is not to be hurt, I think he was being careless with him, I don't really think he intentionally hurt him. It just scared me because he used to push me around in our marriage. I blame myself for getting in his face, I should have quietly left the marraige. Are you going to law school?

I wasn't implying that you weren't trying to foster a relationship. Just cautioning that its important to show that you will foster a relationship between the boy and his father. Anything contrary to that without good cause (which you may have) could definitely swing things a lot.

Joint custody is a real possibility, but I don't really see an evaluator or a judge recommending that a child travel back and forth between two states during the school year. Be sure you express the concern about excessive travel being stressful on your son, particularly during the school year to both your attorney and to the evaluator.

I am not in law school yet. I'm working on my Political Science, Pre-Law degree at current. I have a paralegal certificate and a fair bit of experience in court and legal matters. I am also a Notary Public for my state. That in no way qualifies me to give legal advice (nor would it be legal for me to do so). Remember also that situations differ from state to state.

I have a degree in political science, I took a lot of prelaw classes too. Worked for a senator awhile in Washington DC, then a lobbyist, then as a journalist, now just a boriing business.

I think likely the attorney is right that joint custody is a possibility, but she said it wouldn't mean anything anyways since he's in another state. Just that I'd have to so called ask him his thoughts on schools, medical care, and stuff. I sort of do that now.

I already said I wasn't worried about his father the other weekend, but because of a stupid babysitter they did an investigation of my boys little bruise/bump. Actually it's been a nightmare finding out more about the "system." What a bunch of inefficient, rediculous jerks they are. They'd better stay the heck out of my life, and I'll never talk about my life again to anyone, not about what went on in my marriage. I think the babysitter who I only knew a few weeks decided I was one of those stupid women or something. She had her own issues I found out later. But it'll end soon. Just a warning that I need to settle with my ex, it's gone on too long this way with no custody agreement. He's stalling because of money plus he wanted to build more time with his son the past year. It's all fine with me, I just don't want my boy to spend summers with him. I will stress that travel will be hard especially during the school year. His dad chose to move so it's his responsibility, but I've heard haven't you that they can make me meet him half way, even that would be insane though. I think my ex is just grasping at straws, what he wants is summers but all my boy would do is spend summers in daycare in another state as he works full time. I work for myself so he only goes to daycare half time and is with me more then daycare. He'll try to say that I'm unstable because I travel a lot for business, sometimes I take him with me, I have babysitters in different towns and my customers know him too. He likes to travel with me, even our old doctor said it was fine. Do you think he will likely get summers? And at what age? I'm not going to hire the attorney I met yesterday, even this counselor I saw thought she was rediculous. Just trying to stir things up, just like the attorney did that I fired a year ago. If you do get your law degree how about being an ethical attorney? Seems like they are few and far between. Hope the man the counselor gave me is better then the other as I do obviously need help. I have an appointment with the attorney known as the biggest jerk of the town in a few weeks. I'll likely cancil that, I don't want to go down that road and neither does my ex. Why is the system so adversarial? I have to work with my ex because of my boy, I can't end our marriage with complete spite, it was already bad enough. It seems like there should be a better way, maybe that's where it will go in the future - more towards mediation and cooperative law.

I know I'm going to sound like disclaimer world, but its so important that you understand I'm giving you my opinions on cases I've seen and been involved in and while they are many they are unique and different and particular to my state and in no way should be construed as legal advice, etc...

The summers is a difficult issue. That will have a lot to do with the evaluators opinion, your local state's laws and the particular judge that you get. It can vary a lot from one judge to the next even. My experience in my state is that the non custodial parent will usually get 2 weeks in June and 2 weeks in July during the summer regardless of travel or distance.

In the state I'm in, normally the receiving parent is expected to "go the distance" so for example, instead of half way, he'd have to pick the boy up to start the visit and you'd have to pick the boy up to end the visit.

Now, in my local courts, when the fathers move large distances away, particularly when they earn substantially more, several of the judges here (not all) are known for ordering the father to bear all of the travel burdens. The problem with this is judge selection here is based on allotment and that sort of thing is left up entirely to the discretion of the judge so it depends what judge you get. Some states have laws or precedents which set rules on that sort of things (wheras here it just has to be equitable which is broad and subjective and so the judges can pretty much do what they want).

Now, one kink you might hit is that you travel and so you may hit a judge that will reason that if you can travel you shouldn't object if he travels. I think in the end, trying to come to a voluntary agreement with your ex may be the best thing, if you can do it without him manipulating the situation, being emotionally abusive, etc. My personal opinion is that no matter how good of a position you are in, you really never want to put your childs life, your own life or your personal matters in the hands of a judge when you can help it.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox.

horsey, I've been tough in a few things I've said previously. Nothing is intended to be judgmental or otherwise. I hope its been helpful. If anything I was just hoping to provoke thought and steer you in the right direction.

As to ethical attorneys, you'd be surprised, there are plenty of them. The problem is finding one. They aren't the ones typically in tv ads and big yellow page ads and bill boards.

The sad thing is, I grew up in a relatively rural area but always loved the city and moved to the city as soon as I was on my own. Those who knew me always called me "city boy".

When I married my third wife, I moved to a tiny town with her (a few hundred people, you could live there with no car easily and get everywhere you need to go on foot, everyone knows everyone). I feel in love with that environment. My dreams changed so much. I dreamed of a house on the bayou and spending afternoons sitting on the porch watching the kids play sipping on lemonaid. I dreamed of a small time law practice where I represented locals in exchange for them fixing my car or painting the house or mowing the lawn and didn't care if I made much money or not. Its really ashamed that I'm stuck back in the rush of the city and that dream is fading. There's nothing left for me in that tiny town <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'm the outsider without my wife and her family. I fell in love with that life, a life I couldn't understand why people would like and wanted nothing to do with just a few years earlier.

Oh well, ethical attorney I will be. I envision myself taking plenty of probono work. But I have to pay the bills to. Its a difficult balance. I'm not going down that road for the money so it'll be an interesting journey I'm sure.

Yes there is a good chance he will get at least half the summer - and maybe all of it. A common custody arrangement is school breaks and summers for the NCP (Non Custodial Parent) when they don't live in the same area.

If you deny any visitations, your sons father will have a very large advantage with the court and judge. The vast majority of them consider denial of visitations a major negetive on the parent who denied the visitation and will court order the offender to allow visitation or lose custody. In my experience - they take it very very seriously. If you tell a custody evaluator that you will/would deny visitation if XXX happens, expect them to recomend to the court that the other parent have more visitation rights.

Joint custody is almost for sure. Sole custody is rare in most states and the burden of proof to get it is very high. Physical danger or mental instability or jail or something very serious like that has to be PROVEN (not opinion or here-say) in order to get sole custody if a parent doesn't voluntarily agree to it.

Please realize and remember that in the eyes of the court, parents have EQUAL rights. He has the same rights as far as raising his son and taking him places as you do. If your travelling with your son it is very unlikely any coust is going to rule that he can't do the same. During his visitation times, he can take his son anywhere he wants and does not need your permission. The only time restrictions are placed is if the court/judge feels that there is a flight risk - that the parent won't return the child.

I'd be careful about taking a councilors advise on legal matters. Their advise is worth no more than the gas station attendant on the corner unless they are also a family law lawyer or a mediator or GAL/child custody evaluator.

Please be careful. I strongly suggest you hire a lawyer. You don't want to mess up in the beginning - it is very difficult and expensive too "fix" things once a court decision has been made.

Yes it's true if I travel with my boy, so will he be able to. My boy loves trips besides. And he likes time with his dad. My ex left a message on my voice mail that I'll save that said he agreed that I would supervise visits and that he'd stay right her in town until this is settled. The babysitter went psycho about a bump and bruise and likely nothing will become of it. His dad still has to interview though about it, likely a few attorneys I talked to and a counselor said it would be dropped. I did make a mistake of listening to a counselor, I shouldn't have even talked about that and my boy, then it wouldn't have even gone this far. I screwed up. Life goes on but what a crazy insane inefficient system. No I don't want to turn my boy's life over to the courts. I realize now and from reading more that it'll likely be joint custody. That he'll get my boy summers or half of them. Even if I'd filed for divorce a year ago it wouldn't have mattered, he would have slowly gotten more time with his boy. I've allowed it, he has nothing on me other then the last few weeks to say I with held my boy. A mediator warned me of that, that judges get upset if you do that. Then here my babysitter that I only knew a few weeks and the so called system was asking me why I gave my ex so much time with him, well he's the father and what happened in our marriage isn't happening with his boy, other then he likely plays around too rough with him when he gets him overnight at hotels, they turn beds into trampolines and rough around, my boy got hurt, the babysitter flipped, so did I for a little while. They, the so called system has no proof that anything intentional happened and there's been no history of this and he's been with his boy almost every other weekend for a year. But I did ask his dad to be cautious and let me be around for a little while here. He whined about it yesterday and I said I have his message on my machine saying he agreed, so he can't say it's his right to take my boy out of town. I've heard stories where in a divorce he could take my boy from me and I dont' want to risk it. He can be with my boy, but here in town until this is settled. He even said that was ok. We need to get it settled, how about without judges and evaluators? Through a mediator? I'm going to file a motion for mediation, he said he doesnt' have a divorce attorney yet. We might be able to agree, then have an attorney draw up legal documents. Quick. I'm done with all of the games as I told him. Why if he wants to be on singles sites, email girlfriends, whine about everything I did to him and how I cleaned him out when I didn't take a dime or furniture - doesn't he just agree to a quick, clean divorce? He knows he won't get sole custody of my boy. He's a financial manager and wont' want to spend the money or time on a dirty divorce. How can I convince him to settle with me. Rather then maybe 60k to me with a fight, 10-20k and agreement on my boy. That's it, I don't even want to fill out the attorney's financials, why should I? We haven't lived together for 2-1/2 years, we didn't even have one combined financial account, everything was separate except I feel I have a right to some of the profit on the house as I helped with our living expenses. I tied the house up when it was sold, the money is in an account earning interest until we settle. So we need to settle. I'll never remarry again, I don't even care about dating, or men, just my boy and getting on with a peaceful single life. Seems he wants to date, lie and cheat - so why doesn't he just get a divorce, he's been hanging on, making no efforts to reconcile, just talking about it, playing stupid games, I'm just beat.