Believer:

I have done the flower thing. He actually went back to OW and complained because some other guy bought me flowers. So he went and bought her flowers. I got a kick out of that one!!

I have started to paint the house. I have started landscaping. Going out more, etc...all of this he has noticed and commented on.

WS exw did A LOT of things to create tension for us. From throwing rocks at my kids, to refusing to leave our front porch, to having her BF call my house and threaten me. And seeing how WS and I were having a hard time communicating about things it just wore down our marriage. He thought he was supporting me against her, and I felt he wasn't doing enough to protect our family from this person.

Sorry Lexxy! I will post under this one.

OK...talked to WH a little last night. Nothing big. This morning I talked to him and here is what happened:

Me: DD is having troubles. I think I am going to take her to see someone about all of this. She is crying all the time.

WH: Ok. Let me know what I can do

Me: You can end the affair and start healing this family. The kids are so hurt.

WH: No need to guilt trip me. I don't need it. Thanks
Me: I am not guilting you. U asked me what we needed and I told you. I wish you could see what we see. And if you have guilt, doesn't that tell you this is wrong?

no answer

Me: Can you be honest with me about your relationship with her? Are you still sleeping with her?

WH: no and we were over period.
Me. What is your excuse now that you know we are not over?
WH: I am lost and confused
Me: Let me help you find you. Lets find the real DH, and not the WS you have become.

WH: Can I come over tonight?
Me: I would love it actually
WH: Cool
Me: See ya then!


I know I should not have talked about the A. That was my bad. But last night he was telling me that he was expecting a hard night at the bar. I gave some sympathy. He then brought up that next saturday he was expecting a hard night because it was ladies lingerie night. WHY does he tell me stuff like this?? He knows I hate it! I did not give him a reaction.

This morning I talked to his mom. She is gonna start really helping me to get him home. She says he never returns her calls, or anyone elses in the families. I said to leave him a VMM telling him what you want to say, that he will listen.She is gonna try!

And as for my Best Friend, OW decided to start hanging out with her and her DH, who is WS best friend. OW tells me that she hugs her, goes out with her, and what did I expect, that because WH is A's best friend, why would J still be friends with me? BIOTCH. I called J and left her a message about all of it, but she hasn't called me back. That was 3 weekzs ago.

bump to help sad little me....

You've got to be kidding me....you destroyed a friendship over something a known LIAR HOMEWRECKER said????
Don't trust ANYTHING OW says to you.
If she's talking about hugging your friend or hanging out with them -- it is to get your goat!
She did that to manipulate you into breaking the friendship.
I'm amazed you didn't see through that one.
She wants your life, and the best and easiest way to get it is if you step out of it. Like giving up friendships.

Did you blast J really bad? Can you make it up?
I think for now you would want her and her husband as your allies. Know what I mean?

Rule 1: DO NOT TALK TO OW.
Rule 2: DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING OW SAYS

OK, now about talk with WH. Not good.
Not a Plan A talk, and nothing that made him feel really good about himself. Don't bother asking if he's sleeping with her.....c'mon, really??? You think he's gonna be honest about it???
There is no point in asking him about it, or asking him to be honest. Just stop with those questions.
And get on to meeting his needs and making him feel GOOD!

Have you gotten "surviving an affair"?
Also "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura.
And "his needs, her needs" by Dr. Harley.

HOMEWORK -- get on it!

And this weekend -- NO RELATIONSHIP TALK.

[email]Cr@p.[/email] I blew that one....OK..

I have called J SEVERAL times. She won't answer. I didn't ream her a new one, I just asked what happened and told her I was hurt. She won't call me back! I just sent her a long text message apologizing and telling her how much I miss her and asked for her forgiveness.

WH has been sending me texts all day. Just talking. I am just talking back.

One good thing about him is he always forgives me. If I do something stupid and apologize for it...he is ok with it. Do I apologize or ignore it and try the heck to fix what I have done?

I was happier in plan (wanna)b....

He is sending me texts asking me to pay for his truck!! I haven't been paying it because while I have a house and kids to pay for, he has ZERO.

He gives me all the money from his day job. He uses all his money from the bar which is $80 a night, 4-5 nights a week.

He expects me to pay all his bills and all of our joint bills while he p!sses away his bar money. I told him no, that I was sorry but I need to worry about our house bills first, and that he knows he us supposed to use his bar money for his bills.

Because I didn't say ok and give him the money that I DON'T have...he stopped talking.

Is this part of Plan A?????

BTW..he lives with her and isn't expected to pay for ANYTHING!! Kinda like sex in exchange for a place to live and food to eat. Isn't that a gigolo??

I can't do this. he just called me and is threatening me all over the place. After threatening me and refusing to tell me where his bar money is going and why he can't pay his bills, he calls me a dumb ****** and I just hung up on him.

I can't do this.

HM -- those things aren't your fault, not your responsibility.

He's simply taking it out on you because you are an easy available target.

Don't engage.

Stick to YOUR plan....let him worry about his.

Don't fight with him beyone your simple statement that you can't afford it and its his responsibility.
Then YOU hang up when he starts trying to use anger to manipulate you.

I feel better.

He threatened divorce, taking the house, everything under the sun. I just kept saying you can't bully me! And the more I said that the angrier he got.

I told him if he wants to come over tonight he still can, but he best check his attitude at the door.

[color:"red"] Good Job!!! [/color]

That is how you should handle a WS. Don't let them in your home. Mine had to learn to check his attitude at the curb. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Took me a long time to figure it out but it sure made things easier. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

I just got another TM telling me I deserve to be talked to like that! I replied "You can no longer talk to me like that. Neither the kids nor I deserve anything you have done. We can talk to me, but it best be in a respectful manner. COnversation is done..."

To which he then says "Don't cash those checks ok...please"

I didn't respond. I didn't do this. I only feel bad a little for him. I feel worse for my daughter who has a father who has wrecked her family stability, then threatens to take her house away. JERK!!!!

I normally am a very strong person. I fell for a second, but got right back up and I am feeling better again.

Thank you so much everyone for your help. I need it!!!

He is still testing me nasty things. What do I do? Do I ignore it or reverse babble?

He is again threatening that I can't have all his money anymore, after I ignored the somewhat nice plea to not cash his checks.

What do I do?

Wow, your WH sounds ALOT like mine was (same script). Ignore the ugliness. Text him... "I believe in you. By the way, some jerk keeps texting me nasty messages. Love you!"

Just kidding on the part about "some jerk." Ignore the venom. Boy howdy if I'd only known that when I was going through it.

This man gets VERY angry when he can't bully me. He never was this way. However he does follow the WS script to a T. I almost fell over when I started reading this site.

So I am to ignore the spewage....

I read your story. Amazing. Congratulations to you! I hope I am where you are VERY soon!

Here come the half @ssed apologies!!

WH: I am sorry I called you a stupid biotch but you bring it out in me. that is why I don't want this anymore.

Me: You only get that way when you demand I do something and I don't do what you want. What needs to happen is we sit down and discuss it and come to an agreement without placing demands. I did not make u call me that. U did it on your own. This can work better than before but you have to be willing to sit down and read the info and try it. can we do that?

Did I respond correctly? I am trying to learn what to say and when to say it.

I have to say HM that was a very good reply to your H. Also it's funny he has almost 10 years on you and you seem much more mature than him. What a shame, I knew they said that women matured faster than men but he seems to be a late bloomer. I guess the old addage is true. Growing older is mandatory but growing up is optional. LOL

HM,

He will get mad when you do even what the asks.... that's just the WS in him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Don't fret. Your reverse babble line was great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How many times did his head spin around? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Just don't bring him here.

This needs to be YOUR safe place for a while.

Talk to him vaguely about needing a plan or working together to come up with a plan -- BUT DO NOT PUSH READING MATERIAL AT HIM. He is NOT ready for it -- he is still in the middle of an affair.

Do not try to educate him. That is another Lovebuster.
Do not come off as more mature or smarter than he is.
Bring yourself to his level and be willing to work WITH him. Not you being above or better than him. Get what I mean??

Don't accept his nastiness. Ignore his texts if he's getting nasty. And tell him you're stopping reading until be becomes civil.

Thanks. I need help figuring out what I am saying is working and what isn't. Here is how the weekend went, please give me your thoughts.

fri night

WS: Hi
Me: Hello
WS: Still mad?
Me: I was never mad. Are you mad?
WS: No. Can I come over after work tomm?
Me: Yes

Sat morn at 5:30 AM!!!!

WS: I am so tired ( he worked the bar until 3 then had to be at his day job at 5:30)
Me: SOrry. Maybe after work you can get some sleep
WS: I will be over later.

He comes over and falls asleep on my couch for about an hour or so. Gets up and leaves saying he will be over Sun. Later that night he starts texting me again just asking how things are going. I was brief.

Sun I asked him to stop over becuase it was beautiful and the kids and I had a nice day planned. No answer. So around 6 I ask him dinner. No answer

THis morn he calls and says he was sick yesterday. He is sorry he didn't call back. He wants to come tonight and he has something to ask me. I don't need to give him an answer right away.....I said sure!

Sunday I talked to WH friend A. He says everything OW said was a lie!! BIG SHOCK!! He thinks the A isn't going so well. He says OW doesn't come to see WH while he is working, and that WH never brings her around them...

any thoughts? Is Plan A working??

Well, he called me just now and said he may have to work until 6 and he really feels sick so he may not be able to come. THIS is what I hate. The I am coming over, but then having some excuse for not showing up.

What do I do about that?

Thanks DIG. Before this all happened, WH was a guy who thought he was doing everything right and I was everything wrong. There were many things he was doing right that I didn't see it being as such, and vice versa. At this point though, yeah, I grew up A LOT and he has to ungrow to keep up with his 24 YO slutbag.

Thanks Orchid and Lexxy...you all are so much appreciated.

HELP! This morning he is TMing me and he is talking about needing to talk to me REALY bad. He is apologizing for everything and saying he wants everything to go back to normal if that is possible. He says he is scared and worried that he is making the wrong decision.

Then he says whatever happens happens. He sounds so much like he is breaking down. He keeps saying how unhappy he is.

I said we can work at this and make it better. I will be there for him.

He says I haven't been there for him. I have....btw...

I then sang him our wedding song. I forgot how much I love him and want him home. Is the fog lifting or am I just too hopeful?