You need to cut OM completely from her life. Figure out how to do it. Figure out how to enforce NC. If you are going to expose in 10 days, use that time to find as many family, friends, coworkers, and relatives of OM as possible and expose to them as well. You want OM to feel like a piece of [censored] in front of everyone that he cares about for pursuing your WW. He needs to be exposed as well. If he is less addicted then your WW, it will be easier for him to have NC with your WW than vice versa. BOMBS AWAY ON OM!!!

Expose OM!

Breaker 1-9 good, buddy.
Hows it going Brae, mate ?

Hope you're not flooded with either rainwater nor drama.

Bob

BP*.
No floods here how about you?
I am doing OK. As I said in my posts earlier in the week I have had a realization that I am prepared to divorce her if this continues for much longer.
WW is back home and has had NC since Saturday, or as far as I can verify anyway,she has been studying SAA, and as we both suspected she said she didn't think much of it was relevant to her, but, she has been making lots of notes and discussing it with me, which is a start. She has agreed to get EN survey done this weekend.
I now have address of OM's parents and am going to send them a letter exposing the affair as well as exposing at work, this will all be done early next week. WW has agreed to send a NC letter this weekend, my only thought on that is if she has contacted OM to tell him it is coming but to ignore it.
So that is where we are, WW does seem more commited this time but it is very early days, all I know is it will be much harder for her to break NC now as I now know the lengths she will go to, which I would never have believed

Stay frosty mate. Theres nothing as sneaky and lying as a wayward facing NC IME.

Yes I can now say IME too

She's played you for a sucker Brae - don't let it happen again. At least, looking on the bright side, you will know what renewed contact looks like won't you?

I know it's hard for your wife to get this, but if she does remain in NC, she will fall in love with you again. If she breaks NC, she will continue to have no feelings. If she just grasped this one single concept and was prepared to be NC this whole situation would begin to change and you would be in recovery.

Brae, Big K is referencing harley and is spot on. Just don't tell your W this fact. She won't believe it right now. Doesn't want to believe it rght now

BP*, BigK.
Thanks, she has now read SAA and done EN survey. She should be aware from SAA that she can fall back in love with me, but as BP* says she probably doesn't think it applies to her. I have asked her if she will re-read SAA in 4/5 weeks she said she will.
I have explained that if she just gives us a chance and maintains NC, things should look much better in 3 months. She said she will give it everything to do this, and we will review things in 3 months time. She has agreed to write NC letter tonight and I am going to send exposure letter to OM's parents and Work tonight.
I know she has not seen OM since I found out about broken NC last Friday(13th!!) but I can't know for sure that there has been no phone contact, obviously she says there hasn't.

Remain vigilant, Brae and and ask her to be transparent so as to help you restore trust in her.

Reward her transparency with thanks and admiration.

Thought I would give everyone an update.
Exposed to OM's parents and work last week. This weekend has been ******, I am the child of the devil, how could I embarass WW at work like that?!!!. Although it appears work are not going to take any real action, I am waiting for a reply.
NC letter sent on Wednesday evening. NC has been maintained since 14th July.
WW has said that she will try and do what is right and try and save our M for DD, but she really feels she does not want to be with me anymore, she will stay away from OM while we are still together but she also said that she will see where we are at the end of October, if she feels then how she does now she is leaving. I explained that NC and helping to rebuild my trust should hopefully mean things will be better by then.
She said that she doesn't believe her feelings for me will ever return, although she has started reading SAA.
I know that if NC is maintained things should improve but I am worried about this 3 month timescale and the fact that she seems uncommitted to recovery.
Hopefully as she starts to come out of the fog things will improve and she will commit more to recovery.

OK Brae - Kudos to you on the exposure.

It doesn't matter WHAT she thinks/feels now Brae. NC is what is important and if she maintains it she will feel differently.

Just ignore her babble and make sure she maintains NC. She needs to be pro-active in making sure you know she is maintaining that.

BigK. Thanks long time no speak.
I am continuing to verify and snoop, in some ways she seems more committed, reading SAA etc, although she said that she doesn't think SAA applies to her(I asked her to re-read it in 4/5 weeks to which she has agreed)
I am hoping that by the end of October, some of the fog will have cleared. I know given long enough her feelings should return and we can recover. At the moment she has the end of October fixed in her head as decision time, and my worry is this may not be long enough.
I am just concentrating now on Plan A and waiting to see what happens.

It should be long enough.

Try her on the FAQ's as well and also "Fall in love, stay in love"

For my wife, SAA was pretty much torture. The FAQ's were far more effective and "Fall in love, stay in love" will be less finger pointing than SAA.

She thinks at the moment her affair is "special" You can't fight that feeling until the addiction is broken. Better to let her get a glimpse of what your marriage can be like IMO.

Also - perhaps order the Infidelity DVD and the Basic concepts one from Dr Harley - $9.95US each.

BTW I've been away a fair bit for work the last few weeks. Bob Pure is in Rome on a holiday with his family and is out of touch. We are both very interested in your situation even if we don't continually post OK?

BigK. Thanks again, I really do value the help given by yourself and Bob Pure, as well as all the other pros.
I think I will give her a couple more weeks, hopefully soem of the fog will start to clear and then try and get her to read some more stuff.

BW, you did expose the OM, too, right? And how did she find out about the exposure? Did they call her in? How did his parents respond?

Good job, btw!

Yes I did expose OM too. Her line manager spoke to her about the letter, she seems to think that they are not going to take any further action, but I am waiting for a reply. She was really mad about the embarassment and said that the way the company works everyone will know. I said I am sorry about that and had asked for her manager to be discreet( I knew that nothing stays secret in that company).
I have not had a reply from OM's parents but I didn't ask for one, I just told them that I wanted to be aware of the facts, that WW was married and living at home with me and DD, and coming home and sleeping in my bed after she had been with their son, and explained the distress and suffering this was causing to myself and DD. I didn't realize until last discovery of broken NC, that he lives at home with his parents since the break up of his own marriage. I know that WW has been to his house and met his parents on several occassions, I hope she will be to embarassed to go there now. She did not know about exposure to OM's parents until I let it slip last night, which is a good sign that there has been NC

I'm impressed Mel - I think Brae's growing a pair.

Good job! If everyone at work knows, it is her fault, not yours. If she doesn't like being exposed, then she ought not to be doing things she doesn't want exposed.

I do have one suggestion about the OM's parents, though. I would follow up with a phone call and make sure they got the letter. If he lives there, it is highly possible the letter was intercepted.

Did you ever find out if he was actually divorced? I wonder if his breakup was because of this affair?