BigK, BP* Thanks again. The only change I am seeing at the moment is that she is very sad and confused, i.e saying last night that she didn't think she wanted to be married to me and then this morning saying she did want to save the marriage and get her feelings back but she did not want to feel and live like this for the rest of her life.

Brae - that is NOT A CHANGE

READ YOUR OWN POSTS OVER THE LAST MONTHS

IT IS Groundhog day isn't it?

BigK. Point taken, although I have not seen her as low as this for such a long time

Brae,

If you are unsure if NC is being maintained, do whatever it takes to be sure. I had to watch my WW like a hawk for 3 months as she repeatedly contacted OM. I busted her each time. Finally, she decided it wasn't worth her while and she didn't want to get caught, so she gave up.

Jim,

Thanks, I am pretty sure that she has not seen OM or used her mobile phone or e-mail for contact. What I can never rule out is that she has used a payphone or another phone to contact him. Up until this morning I was sure NC was being maintained but BP* and others have got me thinking

Where would she keep this other phone if it existed? I made SURE there was no place to hide another phone. I also busted her twice with prepaid calling cards. The first time I actually found the card in her purse. The second time she had disposed of the card, but I caught it by checking her online bank statement. I knew everything she purchased on her debit or credit cards and I questioned her everytime she withdrew cash as to what it was for. I would then monitor the amount of cash she had in her purse each morning. I left no stone unturned.

I almost got to the point where I was going to try and find OM's social security number so I could hack into his online cell phone log, but I decided against it.

Jim,
I can't find another phone, I have turned the place upside down looking for one. I do monitor her purse for cache and the online bank accounts/credit cards.
I was sure that NC was being maintained but some of the comments on here today have got me worried and thinking

About the only other thing you can do is put GPS on her car to make sure she isn't going somewhere to meet up with OM. Trust your instincts. I wasn't certain that my WW wouldn't contact OM anymore until about 3 months after their last contact.

I discovered the "ba(s)tphone" by accident when I found a "welcome to virgin mobile pay as you go" letter she had hidden.

I surreptitiously added this to her main virgin phone account so I could check its usage online.

I soon determined that she was calling & txting only OM several times per day.

I txted her on that "secret" number asking if she could bring back some butter on her way home.:)

She replied with some studied venom !

I also immediately gave OM GF the number so she could police incoming calls. A short fracas ensued apparently, and OM tested the relative hardness of his head and a Samsung cellphone within seconds of my exposure.

I asked Squid calmly that while I would not continue to fun a phone used to betray me with indefinitely I certainly wouldn't pay for two so could she decide which one to give up.

After that day it was used for three txts which were unreturned.

Snoop as hard as you can, everywhere. No snoop is too low.

If you WW busts you, so what? every snoop that finds nothing helps rebuild your trust in her, right ?

Bob P,

Check this out! My WW has a boot password on her computer to keep me from installung 'spyware'.

I am tempted to reset her password to gain access to install such software.

She will know I gained access to her system, but then again, she should have bene opewn from the start of this supposed period of NC since 31 July.

What do you think -- think I should just gain access or demand she provides me access. If she does it, she will just sit by to ensure I do not install some spyware.

Bluenote...

I say change her password, do your searching, install your spyware and set it up to email to you, and don't say a single thing about it to her.

Wait and see what she does. If she asks if you've been on her computer, ask her why does she think so? If she accuses you of changing a password, start out with..."Hmmm, why did you have it passworded to begin with?" Don't admit to anything, and see where the conversation leads.

Once its done, tell her that you might be able to get in and figure out what's going on...maybe reset her password for her...with her permission, of course. B)

If she refuses...then drop the subject and let it be. She can figure out how to reset the password on her own...if she can. If she doesn't...well...guess that's one method of communication that's been cut off.

Just make sure you change the password to something that there's no way she could link to you...like a random series of letters and numbers. Have it written down someplace safe where she can't find it. And don't forget to configure her software so it won't see your spyware.

Whaddya think?

Enforce your boundary. She can leave if she doesn't like it.

I will change the password!

Once the spyware is loaded, I will be able to track future passwords!

I am on it! Should be no secrets in 'recovery'!

6 Weeks NC Update.
I am quite sure that this time NC is being maintained, during our last false recovery the signs were there I was just to gullible. This time I am sure she hasn't seen him or used her mobile to contact him. She could obvioulsy be using a payphone.
Just wanted to tell people where we are and see if any of the vets have experienced anything similar.
WW still doesn't really feel anything for me, she will have SF with me and kiss and cuddle me but only when initiated by me.
She was explaining to me that sometimes she feels that she really does not want our marriage anymore and does not want to be married to me but then she feels that maybe she does and that our marriage is worth saving. She said that this changes throughout the day and it just seems to happen. She said she can feel OK and then a wave will come over her where she feels really low and that is when she thinks this is not what she wants. She said that when she feels she does not want this the feeling is very strong. I told her she could leve anytime she wants although it would really hurt me that she hadn't really tried. She said that she had promised to give it a few months after NC to see if our marriage was worth saving and that she was going to do that, she also said that she was trying to get her feelings back. I told her i thought it was still withdrawal, she said that I was wrong as she no longer woke up thinking of OM and she thought she had moved on from that, although she still missed him when she was down, she now feels it is about us.
An example of how she changes is the other day(before she told me how this changes throughout the day) in the morning she told me she felt she did not want to be married to me anymore, later that day we had a BBQ and we were sat outside in the evening and I asked her if she thought the marriage we had pre-A was woth saving, she said " Yes, but if you had asked me this morning I would have said no"
We met when we were both young, she was 16 and I was 18. We married when she was 21 and I was 23. She said that she feels that she has never stood on her own two feet and been allowed to make her own mistakes, she moved straight from her parents home into our marital home. She feels that she has always been controlled. I told her we can deal with all of these issues and I don't want her to feel controlled, I want her to feel like she has an equal say in all parts of our marriage. I said that she can do anything she feels she needs to do within our marriage other than see OM.
Anyway she is away for a week now with DD and my parents, I asked her while she is away to have a think about what we need to address to build a marriage where she feels happy and fulfilled, she said she would.
I am going to take the time to recharge my batteries and read Love Busters and Fall in Love Stay in Love and try to formulate a plan to stop her feeling controlled

Any pros out there, such as ML, BP*, BigK, Owl etc I would appreciate your comments on my latest post. Is this normal behaviour for WW 6 weeks in to NC.
She has over the last few days expressed her guilt and sadness at the situation she has created for both of us.

jmwc95.
I see you are on line, does this seem anything like you went through with your wife during withdrawal. I just want to know if this is normal

You have got to stop hanging on her every move. Just be a hawk and ensure there is NC. As long as there is NC and you are meeting her ENs and avoiding LBs, progress is being made even if you can't see it. You'll eventually notice that she'll start meeting your needs. Just hang in there.

Jim.
Thanks, it just seems so stange that what she thinks and wants seems to change almost hour by hour

Brae,

I agree with Jim. It must be maddening for her to live with someone who every other minute is asking questions like you are asking.

WHEN will you finally understand that what she says is irrelavant. It is what she does that matters.

I see she willingly participates in SF and affection. That's pretty big for a woman.

What is her PLAN to get her feelings back?

BigK. Thanks. I know what you are saying it is just so strange that she can change her feelings 180 hour by hour.
As for her plan to get her feelings back, I am not sure she has one, any suggestions as toa plan would be appreciated, the SF is because I mentioned it worked for you. We both know that actions create feelings but she says she finds it hard to initiate at the moment as she doesn't feel that way about me yet. The SF and affection is initiated by me