Forgot to mention that one of the key moments when I thought W was returning and WW was disappearing was last week. I was a little angry about lack of UA time as already mentioned and the conversation got a little heated, DD overheard conversation and told me to stop fighting with Mum.
W told DD that "it was not Dad's fault, it was all her fault and she had hurt Dad really badly and that was why dad sometimes got a little angry, but none of this was dads fault".

Brae thats evidence of the conviction of her heart. Its good. But you have to stop moaning that life isn't conforming to MB,OK ?

Moaning about ANYTHING is a real LB to a withdrawing FWS.

She may "crash" soon and the enormity of her recent past may descend upon her in a dumper truck load. If so, be strong. This too shall pass.

BP*. I know I need to stop moaning. I was getting a little frustrated that we were not getting much UA time, but then I realised that was due to circumstances and not anyones fault. I have done better over the last few days.

Good work Brae. Ditto Bob Pure. Things may get rapidly better but don't be fooled. I forecast many foggy days ahead. It gets much much better.

(F?)WW told me this morning that a lot of the time she wakes up feeling sad, and that she still feels like there is something missing. She doesn't know what it is. She said it is not OM. I asked her if she thought it was the passion from our marriage or the fact that until a couple of weeks ago we had done a lot of arguing, I was doing lots of LB'ing and wrecking all my Plan A work. I have stopped this over the last couple of weeks and things have started to improve slowly.
Is this feeling of something missing common in withdrawal/early recovery. Did any other FWW's go through something similar?
I thought she was pretty much through withdrawal, there is not much fog talk anymore and she has started to take responsibility for what she has done but maybe she is still not through it.

Hi Brae

Your wife is reeling from a huge insult.

She betrayed her very core when she chose an affair. She deliberately committed a wicked act against herself and you.
She lied, and justified.
She became an adulteress, and even non religious people know that is a big deal.
She finds herself somewhat at your mercy in your marriage right now, and that feels very strange and insecure after what she did to you.
After feeling very powerful during her affair, she is now effectively powerless. She will almost instinctively try to find something she can use to control you.

So YES it is normal for the FWS to feel unfulfilled from their marriage after the microwave-emotions of the affair.
This is where yur EN meeting and $LB deposits need to become second nature, It is by setting a CULTURE of love and investment that you fill her emptiness, not by gestures and R talk.

With Squid there was no single day when she started enjoying being married to me again. She just "became" that way over the months.

BP*. Wise and clarifying as always.
Thanks again, I am doing a good job of meeting her EN's and my Plan A is far better. No AO's and LB's for a couple of weeks and things do seem to be slowly improving.

Feeling down today need some support.
FWW still telling me that her feelings are not returning. I thought over the last couple of weeks I have eliminated all LB's and things seemed to be improving slowly, she has on a couple of occassions called me darling and has told me that she now knows that she wants to be my wife and wants to save our marriage, but I asked her if over the last couple of weeks she had started to feel closer to me and she said not really. This has really hurt as I thought we were making progress.
She is having SF with me but still no affection unless initiated by me. She says she thinks she is doing everything she can and working on our marriage as much as she can but for some reason the affection is hard for her.
Maybe I just need to carry on with what I am doing and be patient for a while, we are getting on fine, having fun together and I thought re-connecting but maybe I was wrong.
We are going to Paris this weekend for our wedding anniversary, I was looking forward to it but now I feel like I just can't be bothered to go.

DO NOT ASK HER STUPID QUESTIONS

You know that: "ignoring us and asking pathetic "please love me" questions" thing ? How's that working out for you Brae ?.

Think there might be merit in locking that stuff up and concentrating on your FWWs actions as you have been advised at least twenty times by different people on here ?

why are you even doing this? it pisses her off.

sheesh

ACTIONS are what counts.

TIME is improving things. Time and NC. You are just asking for bad news at the whim of her feelings of the minute.

STOP DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BP*, BigK. I did not ask her about her feelings it just came up, can't remember how. I understand that maybe her passion isn't back but I thought surely she must have felt closer to me over the last couple of weeks as we had had some real fun together,no LB's and I thought seemed to be re-connecting. This wasn't me asking for a progress report, I have stopped doing this. I can't remember how this came up last night.

STOP IT coming up, Zip up your mouth when that happens. Pre-prepare a set of anodyne responses to turn the thread away from that.

You are doing WELL you two, and the answers from your W to needless questions hurt you like darts to your heart.


Control your mouth and your neediness. lock that stuff up. It will only hurt you for a while longer yet.

Bob is right Brae. All you are doing is asking to remember back when she was a biatch and it's not a pleasant memory is it. You are making her focus on the bad of the past rather than revel in the NOW which is pretty damn good.

OK BP*. Thanks again. As I said I am not sure how this came up, I thought we were doing well, no LB's, no AO's, no A,R or M talk for a couple of weeks, we have had 2 or 3 great weekends together, and I thought we were really moving forward but it appears maybe we are not.
Although one huge change is that she is now sure that she wants to be my wife and save our marriage.

For goodness sake Brae. When will you learn not to listen to her babble.

She babbles nice, you get hopeful.

She babbles nasty, you pitch a fit.

Try not reacting to anything.

brae,

Ditto BigK and BP.

How long since NC now?

MW

MW.
NC about 11 weeks now. We have been through withdrawal and on the whole my W is back, I thought we had started to re-connect but maybe not. Although we are 11 weeks in to NC, I would say we are only 2/3 weeks in to recovery as I was doing a lot of LB'ing after false recovery as I was struggling to believe A had finally ended and NC was holding

OMG

???