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OK. For perhaps the very last time, I'll play. I thought we had started to re-connect but maybe not. Is that really your assessment? Seriously? Although we are 11 weeks in to NC, I would say we are only 2/3 weeks Are you really saying you'd like to revisit 2 weeks of NC?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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BigK. I thought we had started to reconnect, the actions, in my eyes, would indicate that, I was positive we were moving forward and making progress, although maybe not as quick as I would like,just FWW's comments have knocked me back and made me question my judgement.
No!!! I would not like to go back to 2 weeks of NC, what I meant was that although we are 11 weeks in to NC, I have only really got MY act in gear over the last 2 to 3 weeks, in which time I have seen progress
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BigK. You previously warned me of foggy days ahead, maybe this is just one of them but it doesn't make me feel better.
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Wrong on both counts Brae.
Let me put it another way. What has materially changen in the last 24 hours apart from her babbling fog at you?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Allow me to answer my own question.
NOTHING has changed except your perception. NOTHING.
You ARE re-connecting!!
Even if you've been a total [censored] for the last 12 weeks, as your wife withdraws, I expect your wife to re-connect with you.
You don't understand how powerful NC really is!
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 461
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Wrong on both counts Brae ??? Nothing has changed other than I am now questioning my perception that we are starting to reconnect, and maybe the connection is only one way.
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I see plenty of Fog Brae - but it's in YOU!
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 461
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BigK. I think some of the fog maybe is in me.
Maybe her LB is not yet at a level where she is starting to notice it, maybe she is just babbling, maybe she is lying to me, maybe she is scared to admit it to herself or maybe from her side nothing really has changed yet.
Thanks for you support BigK, I know I sometimes can't see the wood for the trees and want to run before we can walk, it is just maybe I thought we were at one point in our recovery and FWW thinks we are somewhere else
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What either of you think is irrelevant.
Don't worry - you will end up on the same page.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 7,464
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and I think we might have cross posted a few times. Either that or you are channelling me! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
So please read all posts from today OK?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 461
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BigK. Thanks again. I will leave you in peace now for today.
I guess if someone had offered me this situation 3 months ago I would have been delighted to take it and so I will continue as I am doing and try and be patient.
I have seen the power of NC, WW wanted to be with OM then wanted to be single, now after 11 weeks NC she is sure she wants our marriage and to be my wife.
I should be grateful for that at least
Thanks again
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You have much to be grateful for.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 214
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brae, That's the spirit! I understand how difficult it is to respond to action and not the babble. I also know how upsetting the babble can be. Good job we have BigK's 2x4s to keep us on track eh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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MW. Yes I have had a couple of much needed 2x4's this morning.
How are you doing?
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brae wrote:
"How are you doing?"
Thanks for asking. Feels like first few weeks after original D-Day.
On the downside:
Struggling to motivate myself. Trust level with Bonkers is at an all time low. Finding it difficult to tolerate her continually feeling sorry for herself and not doing anything about it. Got two weeks into NC and the OM broke it. She batted it away but it upset me none the less.
On the upside:
She's back. We're attending MC and making improvements to our relationship (albeit small). SF restored although mostly initiated by me. I'm keeping the LBs in check for the most part. R talk confined to MC sessions and the 'homework' we're given.
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MW. Withdrawal is hard but it does get better. I know from my posts this morning it probably doesn't sound like it but after about 4/5 weeks of NC my real W started to reappear and on the trust thing while I don't completely trust FWW I don't get that thumping in the chest feeling everytime she leaves the house, lots of verifying and snooping initially have helped me gradually get better with this and although I still do it I feel the need much less.
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LOL Mindwarped. I really don't want to see Brae snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory. I have been hard on him for his own good.. I would have loved to be able to reach through his monitor and strangle him. LOL.
I know how hard this is and I know how bad it sucks. But I can really relate to Brae because I was him 2 years ago.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 461
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BigK. Thanks for yesterday. I was really down, not as bad today.
I just thought her feelings had started to return, maybe they have she just doesn't know it yet. She did say she still feels totally empty towards me.
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Well she doesn't know her own mind. I got the same from my wife as well - it is very discouraging. But given time, filled with the right things (meeting EN's) it will change guaranteed.
In the mean time, take every day as it comes and enjoy it regardless of anything she babbles at you. She IS there, she IS making an effort. It WILL bear results eventually.
See you see her happy and you extrapolate that to "she is happy because the feelings are returning" but I assure you every "feelings" conversation is counter productive. Just quit doing that stuff.
Enjoy today and tomorrow will be better.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 461
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Thanks BigK.
I was very disillusioned yesterday, I had been so positive and hopeful over the way things were progressing over the last couple of weeks, her comments yesterday knocked me right back.
I have pretty much stopped all R,M and feelings talk, it somehow just came up yesterday.
I think you have seen my other thread, she wakes up feeling sad and drained from a recurring dream she has been having for about 5/6 weeks. I think this is hindering our recovery aswell.
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