LOL Pio.

In SAA, "Sue" never apologized for her affair, but I think she showed remorse in other ways. More importantly, she eventually showed a commitment to the marriage and worked with her husband to recover.

When that doesn't happen though, what does one do? A marriage can’t continue if only one partner steadfastly ignores a need for reconciliation, can it? It might go on in name, but the spirit is surely dead, right?

Actually, is the affair truly over when no such commitment is declared? Actually, I see such things happening repeatedly. They are especially a problem if the BS allows the WS to “come home” (he or she may never actually have physically left) before the BS gets a strong pledge regarding boundaries, emotional needs, and before a commitment for recovery is elicited from the WS.

Assume that happens during Plan A, and let’s even postulate NC is established. Has the affair actually ended until the emotional absenteeism ends and the WS commits to filling the ENs of the BS, and (vice versa) allowing the BS to fulfill the ENs of the WS?

If one can consider the affair to be in a de facto “ongoing” status, what does one do? Does one continue with Dr. Harley's strategy as if the affair was still ongoing?