This is my last post on the subject, but I have to clear this up:

1. WS has affair
2. Pain in BS follows on discovery of affair
3. BS pain threatens marriage
4. Marriage fails

Todd, this is a mischaracterization of what I said. What I said was:

1. WS has affair
2. Pain in BS follows discovery of affair
3. BS chooses to handle his pain in a way that is especially painful or annoying to WS, thus threatening the marriage.
4. WS decides BS will never be able to move on, gives up on BS and divorces him or at least emotionally withdraws from him.

If you don't think #4 is a real possibility, you are fooling yourself. The fact is several BS on this board have been able to make their marriages work and you are failing. Maybe you want your marriage to fail, I don't know. But if that's true it seems kinda cruel to string her along as a form of revenge. Two wrongs don't make a right. But if you really do want your marriage to work maybe you should ask yourself why other betrayed men are able to move on and improve their marriages while you can't.

Aphrodite said:
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"1. WS has affair
2. Pain in BS follows discovery of affair
3. BS chooses to handle his pain in a way that is especially painful or annoying to WS, thus threatening the marriage.
4. WS decides BS will never be able to move on, gives up on BS and divorces him or at least emotionally withdraws from him.

If you don't think #4 is a real possibility, you are fooling yourself. The fact is several BS on this board have been able to make their marriages work and you are failing. Maybe you want your marriage to fail, I don't know. But if that's true it seems kinda cruel to string her along as a form of revenge. Two wrongs don't make a right. But if you really do want your marriage to work maybe you should ask yourself why other betrayed men are able to move on and improve their marriages while you can't.
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Let me ask you a question. What is keeping you from coming clean with your husband? Is it #2, #3, #4 or all three?

The betrayed spouse or the wayward spouse can leave the marriage at any point they choose. So why is it so important to you that the betrayed spouse be "nicer" to the wayward spouse? Are you worried that this scenario could happen to you should you decide to do the right thing?

My questions are not intended to provoke you. I am honestly interested in your answers.

Gimble

Gimble - Aph, when she first came here believed that a male BS could never forgive a WW. She has clearly now changed that view. Aph is on a journey. I suspect she will make it.