SB,

It wont' be that easy. What I am trying to say is from what you are saying you are doing very will throughout this process.

Again you are the one seeking the D not him.

So if you being a deviant was such a big deal why didn't he leave.

Remember when you make a claim that is what the next question will be.

Except maybe in abuse sitch's.

So you are leaving for x y and z. He is responding by saying she is an a b c. Well STBX why did we not see a petition for a D from you when A b and c happened?

What the STBX is doing is nothing out of the norm for someone like him.

You will probably not walk out D'ed. But at least with your documentation you are well prepared. Courts like documentation. LOL.

You will do well.

Oh and I am proud to be called your friend. It is truly an honor.

Frog the Hunk!!!!

Oh, okay...thanks!

I have the best news...I found the guy to one of the couples that STBX contacted...

I only knew first name, he had a daughter, and city...there were only 8...and with the help of a map...I got it! name, address, and phone number! Got to love the internet!

I would perfer NOT TO TALK to this one...i'll let my Attorney handle this one...

Go me! had to share, thank you!

You mentioned earlier that you have the same judge as your friend did. What was your impression?

Yeah, judge's great, no problem...I'm just not worrying about it! I hear he's exactly who I need to have! we exchanges hello and how are you doing...

oh, I have another person's cell phone number and first name that I got off of STBX's phone before I left...but no way to use the info I have to find more!

Here is the flyer that I made to leave at my meeting places...Can you imigine so a lot of people showing up to support me what STBX's response would be?



Request for Support

Rin will be going to court on June 7th…that’s a Thurs.

My Sponsor will be out of town and I am requesting all of the support that I can get.

For further info. Please call ***-****

Thank you in advance…

You're amazing, Rin. I'm so impressed!

(((Rin)))

Thanks, SD...TBH, sometimes I feel the same way about myself and sometimes I don't...

That's what today's topic was about at IC...my inventory of myself...

Damaged goods...I'm working on it...that's "WHO" I "USE" to be not who I am today...shame and embarrassment are pretty commond feelings for me...humiliation is another...time will heal, as I fight to change my thinking...

progress, not perfection! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

FNMTH,

Miracles happen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for the huge grin on my face this morning when I read your post.

LA

Hello, I went to my meeting...had to be very careful as to what I spoke about tonight...

It was a good meeting...we had basket night, everyone had different topics to talk about...I had courage and changing attitude to graditude...

It funny it seems like everytime I open my mouth I learn something about myself and how I've changed, become more open with people...

On the other hand, today in IC, I realized that I have trust issues with the male species...so, comments to all my male friends here...becuase if you're in my circle you're super special...

For a long time I wouldn't and still don't put myself in sitch where I think that something bad can happen to me...especially around guys...

I think the thing that hurts so much with STBX is that just like a parent you should be able to trust them not to harm you, to respect you and in both cases I was an object to them...

I know my part int he failure of my marriage...I see it very clearly now...it wasn't just the fact that I picked him, it was unresolved issues from childhood like we all know...

There were no real boundaries for me, so I thought that alot of things were the norm when in fact they were not! After many years, 13 to be exact, I learned what's acceptable and what's not, starting here!

I'm still learning what I will tolerate and what I will not every day...I understand that boundaries are created for me now...

You know when I first left I was freaking out about not being able to have SF, it you want to call it that...but it's not even something that comes to mind now...it's something that I am more than okay with not having in my life...it gives me plenty of opportunity to take care of me...

To develope a healthy sense of what's that really like between to people with an intimate bond...just in the past few weeks, I can SEE that MAJOR change in my life and that FEELS SO GREAT...to be free from the stress of thinking that's what's expected of me...

I've noticed that as the days so by that I feel more free...from that ad just to be me...the real me NOT WHO I WAS EXPECTED TO BE...I can open my mouth and trust that it won't fail me...decieve me...create that mask because I've been accepted for who I am in so many ways...

And yet, there's still that fear of acceptance from new people, people I haven't met yet...thinking OH, when they find out who I really am they won't like me...but see the process is still fresh...it's a new habit, unfamiliar, and I'm sure that as each day goes by I will feel more comfortable in my own skin...

To be my authentic self...

So often I hear it's like peeling and onion...one layer at a time...where I think of my support group as adding one layer at a time...

Earlier tonight I expressed an area of weakness that I'm struggleing with, that I'm accepting slowly...It's part of me...a shortcoming...I've worked so hard to see those in myself, not able to understand what I was looking for at first...

Someday I'll be proud to ask God to remove that from me, in due time...another area is self-doubt...I lot of conflict within myself orginiates from self-doubt...not trusting myself...

The pendulum swinging from one side to the other, soon enough there will be a healthy balance...I have to have faith in myself...and I do just not all the time...

I can remember over the past year, LA asking me to folllow the feelings that I had, finding where they began, just like the layers of an onion, sometimes it's difficult to see because your eyes tear up or you can barely open your eyes from the fumes...the process of denial is a difficult one to get through...

It's in acceptance that we truely learn...it's in grieving that we turn our fears into courage and are able to stand up striaght and walk tall...

It's having a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold along the path...and it's only as tough as we make it...sre there are rocks in the road along the way, but sometimes we are thee ones picking up the rocks we've already climbed and throwing them back into our path...

Sometimes we have to get out of our own way...stop sabbotaging ourselves...let go...move forward...

It's truely a matter of our inner peace, finding what we need and what we want out of life...living life to the fullest...

Stop obessing over what we have no control...stopping the insanity!

Talked to STBX this morning, had L call to see if they were going to be picked up...then I talked to him to tell him about L's meds...

STBX said "well, write it down for me." I said the directions are on the bottle..."well, write it down for me anyway."

So, I wrote :Get L meds as wrote on the bottle, once in morning, and once at night...Fri. night, Sat. morning, Sat. Night, Sun. Morning...please drop them off and Aunt Chris' Sun. at 7pm."

I handed the note to the babysitter and explained it to her, why I had to write it!

I just can't believe him! I'm still good, even having talked to him...there was no tone to voice, actually sounded nice!

okay, question!

I went to the bank to check on a loan, it was almost three months behind...I talked to theto the bank manager, we are friendly with each other...I explained the sitch...I have gotten any mail in two months, etc...

So, today I made an interest payment and I will have the loan catch up by June 1st...

The question is should I TM STBX and let him know that I have taken care of the whole thing? Or just let him rot?

I'm pretty pissed off...not like he has or would but I've told him to contact me on finances and the kids...well, we see how the kids part is going...

I did a change of address form, and gave them my contact information...loan problem solved!

Change of address to where?

If you're going to do a change of address you should probably get a PO box and have your mail sent there.

I wouldn't have it sent to Spon's house at least. Don't know how long you're gonna be there.

I'm having the little mail I get right now sent to my work address...when I move back into the house I will change it again...

gotcha

I have a quick question too. Is this a personal loan (for example, your car loan)? Or is it like a mortgage? Is it in your name, his name, or both your names?

If it's a personal loan, in your name, for something like your car which you have in your possession...then I would not notify him because there's no need.

OTOH, if it is a home equity loan that is in both your names, and HE is in the home and has let it slide for three months--that means at the very least that he is partially responsible for it (both names on the loan) -AND- he has possession of the "item" that the loan was used to fix up etc., and thus it would be evidence that HE is the one not paying his bills, not as he claims. Furthermore, in that instance, I would send a certified letter (so you can prove that you notified him) with a copy of the amount the loan was in arrears (so he knows you have that proof, and so he has it) and a note that simply says, "Spoke with BOB at the bank regarding loan #1234567. As of May 10, 2007, it was 3 months in arrears in the amount of $1XXXX. I made arrangements to pay the interest, in the amount of $XXX by Fri., May XX and to begin making payments in the amount of $XXX on May XX. I will provide documentation when those payments are made." Be EXTREMELY factual about it and nothing else. Then send a copy to your lawyer (cc).

Love, hugs and kisses,
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> (haha! feeling silly!)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


CJ

Well, what you think call or not call? Stay dark! Let him rot or not?

IMHO--do not call!! Stay dark!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Calling=bad Staying dark=good

If it has his name on it or he has the property that the loan was FOR, ya might want to notify him, but see my post above...do it via certified mail and be very factual.

IMHO the only reason you should notify him at all is if his name is on the loan, if it's a mortgage or second mortgage, or if it's a loan for property in which he is currently in possession. If this is something like your car loan...let him rot!

Twirling on a friday,



CJ

it's an unsecured loan...part was for the extended warrenty on his truck and the other part for flooring in the house...in both names...

i think I'll let him rot anyway...I've calmed down...when I see my lawyer Tues., I'll tell him then...that's if I get the appt. I requested when I called yesterday or Wed.

I don't remember...I like the certified letter if I wasn't seeing my lawyer so soon!

You have such great ideas!

LMAO...I did miss your post, thanks!

Yeah--talking to atty. always = Good!!

Soooooooooooooooo...if ya missed my post, did ya also miss the love and hugs and kisses?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />



--CJ

Yeap, BUT I GOTTEM THE SECOND TIME...like leftovers, always better later! LMAO