OKay, I've calmed down and I still think that I can handle living in the house should it be granted to me for a year...

After that, I can move...these people will most likely start being nice to me once I move back, if that's God's plan...and I will know who they really are...

I will not tolerate them, and will continue to be me...

I'm cool...I got three weeks left to court as of tomorrow and I still have some preparing to do. I work on that, and do what I need to do!

Give them enough rope and they will all hang themselves...wondering why life's treating them bad...

You do good, you get good! You do bad, you get Bad!

I'm feeling much better today...I called a friend and talked to her last night...

And then, I listened to my link last night from Martina...great song...my theme right now...LOL...

Whatever helps us through the low spots huh?

I copied library cards, movie stubs, free movie passes, dr. appt. cards, shot records, etc. this morning...

I have three more sets of papers to pick up and I'm done...

Then, I just sit back and wait! Today makes 10 weeks we've been out of the house with three weeks to go til court! Funny, it really doesn't seem like it's been that long.

Ten more months and this D is final...Good to know! i thought about printing pics of the boys from the various activies that we've been to since we left, but That's probably unneccesary...i have enough to prove what's in their best interest.

F told me last night when I told him that him and L have dentist appts. next week, that STBX said that he needed to make them a dentist appt. First, he had no clue who they see. This will be L's first dentist appt., boy he's growing up!

I asked F, how many times has your dad brough you somewhere? he asked do you want the percentage or the number of times? I said the percantage is fine. He replied 1%! I left it at that!

Oh, on the bike thing...remember F asked his dad to bring his bike back from HN1's camp site! well, his bike's in the back of Hn1's H's truck. We passed by on the way home yesterday, and I said well, Mr. K brought your bike back for you! F just said cool!

Morning, Rin.

Glad you're feeling better today!!


I think you're doing great, but would caution you to be careful with things like this. You really have to walk such a fine line with kids and not bad-mouthing the other parent. I agree, pointing out reality has it's place. But just be realy really careful to not put the kids in a position of choosing sides or having to speak ill of their dad.

You can argue things like how often he's taken them somewhere in court. Kids don't have to worry about things like that.

-AmI.

Thanks for pointing that out...I guess my POV is that I don't want them to get their hopes up when he says something...guess I'm trying to protect them and don't want them to get their hopes up too high!

I think F knows well enough by now...I think that I'll stick to "I hope he does too!" or something like that!

I wouldn't say that he's a bad dad or anything...the last thing I want is to be accused of parental alienation...and i do have a great role model...my mom never said anything bad about my dad...she just said that I would figure it out on my own one day...

I did...have to give the kids credit where credit is due! Their smart! They see!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

dead people?

Rin,

I just cant seem to type SB for some reason.

Keep on this track. It is a wonderful feeling to act not react.

IMVHO it may not go to a hearing with all the stuff you have.

When your A turns over what you have to his A they may want to just settle it without a judge.

I could be wrong because your STBX A has to do what his client wants but he will probably advise him not to go to court.

Now the down side is his A will not fight him not to go to court because heck he gets paid by the hour. LOL.

Your STBX may be fighting CS for different reasons but most men fight it to reduce child support.

The scale for support is standard equation. YOur income and his income are taken into account. Then the amount of children and the custody split. Other little things of course, insurance, daycare etc.

The only thing that can significantly change the support payment is the amount of custody.

Reason being is the other things are already established.

So a man like your STBX walking in saying hey for the last 2-3 years I was around and took them to the doctor once but my STBX is a ............ won't work.

The judge will be none to happy with that.

When I went to the lawyer he gave me a list of things I needed to do. Your H isn't doing them now.

That is what gave my M a chance to survive. I think if I could have walked out with custody after the A I might have.

But I couldn't. Oh and I was a dang good dad my only mistake was letting my FWW be a STAHM.

Even the fact she was an alcoholic barely made a difference, if she got treatment.

I know you probably know a lot of this but I tell you to reassure you.

Things will work out great for you because you have been a great mom.

YOu don't ever have to point out to the kids the dad's down side. They see it!!!!!!!!

Rin,

Martina McBrides song Anyways is also my theme song lately. Actually quoted some in my plan B letter and printed off the lyrics and put it with plan B letter.

Hopefully everytime my WH heasr the song maybe he'll think of me.

Just wanted to say you are doing really great.

Still

Your reassurance to me means the world! i can't let you how many times I've heard I'll never get custody of the kids and I know that I've been a good mom.

Those kids are my life and I never did and possibly will never understand why he didn't want to spend more time with them. They are so amazing!

I figure the more I introduce to them the better off they are! The Vice-principle asked if I brought them alot of places and I said yes, as many as I can. She said that she could tell! F was a year old when I brought him to the Aquimum of Americas for the first time.

He was so amazed at all of the fish and loved the penguins. STBX was working out of town at the time. I loved when he was out of town, I could do what I wanted but I did worry about what he was doing...going to strip clubs and had a female friend that I still wonder about...that was in between 98 and 00, I think!

I'm hoping that he settles out of court, but if not well, being it on! He doesn't have a fighting chance in [email]h@ll...it's[/email] already been proved that he doesn't live in this reality!

Even with what I know, I won't feel completely at peace until it's in writing!

My sister just called to ask about keeping the boys for a few weeks this summer...I said that we needed to cross that bridge when it got a little closer. She was concerned that STBX would come over and try to take them from her.

I said I was SURE that wouldn't happen...from my POV, he scared to deal with ANY of my Family! And then, I said if she was really worried about it, we could make it between his weekends and he doesn't have to know that they were even there until they come back. That's only if the kids mention it and then it's to late!

Besides, his parents want some time with the kids too. So, Fair is fair! I'm so use to them being gone during the summer! And I need to use up some of my vacation days too.

LMAO...I've have all but one and usually at this time I may have a few left! I was always taking off for STBX's stuff.

LMAO...feel free to repeat that any time you think I need to hear it...I have a fear of losing them only based on hearing STBX's voice in my head...that would be my worst nightmare!

Good for you Still, I wonder the same thing sometimes...if he thinks of me...I just caulk it up to wishful thinking and am done with it!

Well, the water man came by...I finally got to see him...STBX hadn't paid that bill in months either...so I told him to put a hold on the account and he's going to do one better than that for me...

He's going to take me off the account completely so I'm not responsible for the bill...almost $60.00...

Just something else that makes me mad...he's so irresponsible...

I guess the good thing is I can caulk that up to if he can't pay his bills, then how is he going to take care of the kids?

Oh, well, I've put it into perspective and I'm done with it!

What does your lawyer say about the bills, etc.?
Seems like some of his paperwork mentioned that he was paying all the community bills (which you know is not true, but it gives you a glimpse into his strategy). I really don't have a clue, here, but there may be a portion of the bills that you should still be helping to pay, even though you're out of the house right now. You might want to run this past your lawyer, just to be on the safe side.

Ya know, when it's the H that moves out, he's usually still responsible for helpingto pay bills. And I have a friend who just went through a D, and she's the one who moved out ... and she still had to help pay some of the bills (their kids are grown and gone). You're in a totally different spot, since you have the kids with you. So that adds a layer of complication. I'd run it past your lawyer before you get too far with taking your name off of bills, etc.

-AmI.

Well, I've been paying all the bills that I can...

I'm paying the electric, and phone over there...auto ins., my car, three credit cards...and I just took on this other loan that I just found out about...

When I get a break I'll probably pay this bill to, it's drinking water...not water for the house! plus I pay child care for the boys...

I gave my bank statements to my A Tues., and a copy of cancelled checks and receipts...that loan was the only thing I knew was behind at the time...

I told my A I hadn't gotten any, mail from the house since we left and the little mail I am getting comes to work...then I find out about this! I had planned to have the cooler picked up when we moved in anyway...I can't count on STBX to put it outside...

Anyway, I'm going to tell my A about this too, but the whole bill thing is in the works!

So he runs around telling everybody how horrible YOU are while you keep the lights on and the crediters off his back.

NICE!!

go to IHC's thread and read her quote about bulldozer of stupidity.

It applies here nicely

Oh, my ... check you out .... handling everything and getting it done! Way to be impressive.

Your STBX is in SOOOOO much trouble if this all gets in front of a judge.

It's amazing to me how he's trying to play the abused and victimized role. You'd think his lawyer or someone would tell him that he'll have to come up with some evidence ... not just wild claims.

Keep it up, girl. You're awesome!

-AmI.

BC- I'll head over there and check that out! I'm excited to see what it has to say!

AmI- Thank you! LOL...I walked a mile at lunch! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Go ME!

Anyway, yeap, I've always been the over-responsible one, thus enabling him to be lazy...he'd create a problem, I'd fix it partly because I was expected too, the other part just being me!

I dropped off the info that I have collected already at lunch and wrote a little note saying what I was waiting on...Then, went to the track for some me time...

And like Frog said he's going to discredit himself! I caulk it up to the spiral of the WS...the world comes crashing down when you do bad, make bad choices, always bites you in the hindie in the long run!

Of course, if STBX doesn't call to talk to me about what I'm paying and not paying then how is he suppose to know...same with the kids...his choice...just another poor one in a string of them.

YEP!!!

Cross your fingers he keeps making them. LOL.

Your honor of course it is in the childrens best interst to be with me. As long as I can depend on Rin keeping the utilities on here for me and the kids.
LMAO...

LMAO...You and your thinking..got to love it! That's great!

See the bills that I'm paying now, I'm paying them becuase I can access them online...

i've asked for several things from the house and haven't got them...you would think that if he needed help paying the bills he would ask...of course not...

what did he say Frog? his male pride got in the way of doing the right thing when it came to NC...must be in the way again! LOL

"Your honor, of course I didn't give her the bills that came in the mail. Can't you see how crazy she is? But even though she's not even at the house or using any of the utilities, it's HER job to pay the bills and MY job to find floozies and drink my money away."

"What do you mean, she can't pay a bill if she didn't receive it? Huh? I'm supposed to keep track of the kids' events and things on my own? Well how am I supposed to do THAT??!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You mean I have to call THEM...the kids aren't in charge of calling ME?? Oh GOD!"

(giggle)

Life in turdland. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

"AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY stbXW IS NOT IN CHARGE OF CALLING ME EITHER?" replies STBXH...

See I know...cause I'm a smart cookie...that it's not in my best interest to pay off any bills right now...so, guess what? LMAO...I'm not...I plan to drag it all out, so I don't get stuck with some extra debt that would be part of his responsiblility...

This coming month, since I've paid extra on my car since I left...I'm paying the minimum...as soon as final D-day...I'm paying off everything I can...

That's two credit cards, car, and this loan I just picked up!

Oh, it's a hard life for the WS!

WOW, I was really tired this afternoon! I hadn't eaten all day...seems to be normal these days, so when I got home, me and F ate...L wasn't ready, then I went to watch a movie and fell asleep...

Woke up hungry again, so L and I ate, F's snacking and I could go back to sleep...

I mentioned on Beau's thread that I talked to the kids about going to the Tabasco plant this weekend...F's really excited to see how they make the stuff...even wanted to know if he could taste some...I said sure...guess I better bring so milk huh?

Can you imagine two kids with their tongues on fire? Poor things! L loved hot sauce when he was a toddler...put some in his hand and he would want more! Maybe I should have named him Spitfire! LMAO...

I was thinking earlier about how sorry I feel for STBX...never had to pay the bills, barely cooked, always had clean clothes, jack of all trades wife i.e. plumbing, carpentry, some eletrical, etc., housekeeper, bookkeeper, janitor, maid, grounds keeper...

Darn, he just didn't know how good he had it...well, I'm sure that he can find someone else to do everythign for him...he's SOOO wonderful that he has two doing what I did and still can't get his act together...

And what did I ask of him? MC, some teamwork, NC, cell phone number change...shameful! It really is shameful!

My Spon. said once when she picked up the kids that it took all three of them to get the kids organized to go becasue they didn't listen to any of them...three grown adults can't get two kids to gather their stuff...

I would laugh but it really is soooo sad...

I was reading over teh email that HN2 wrote to me about how I left right out of the blue with no warning to STBX...That I acted liked everything was fine and bam, I left...

Oh, he was soooo abused...just loves having people feel sorry for him...she was talking about me burning bridges...well, if that's the kind of people on the other side of the bridge then, I don't need them...

Of course, I wonder what was it about me that they chose to turn their backs on me...of course, I've wondered what's "wrong" with me...then, I think there's nothing "wrong" with me...it's just STBX is so charming and easily believed...heck, I believed him for the longest time...

I accepted him treatment..all the crumbs...giving everything I have because I loved him and thought if I just give enough than I'll get what I need from him...

It was easier to give to the kids because at least I got back love in return...

WHen I think about it my heart is broken in a way because I gave him so much love...and here was someone using my weaknesses against me...like I love kissing...I get weak in the knees and it just knocks me off my feet and I would ask and nothing...

He was emotional unavailable to me...

I can tell you this I'm not interested in playing games with another guy...in no hurry to settle down and really can't wait for the next ten months to be over so I can play the field! Not interested in having SF with ANYONE...I really think that it gets in the way, causes confusions, but I'm interested in going on dates and having some fun...

I always dreamed of laughing and playing and picking on each other...towel snapping, scaring each other from around the corner...cuddling on the sofa, watching a movie that we've both agreed on...taking care of each other...making life easier and more comfortable because we want to, not because we have too...

Is that out there? I mean not EXACTLY that! Is that my own little fantasy world?

I would hate to come out of a fantasy world and go into another! LOL

WEll, that's just some thoughts of mine, not feeling down really, just thoughtful...

Is that really a question of weather soeone can love me? Am I lovable? I think I'm lovable...it's just a matter of wanting to be shown love in return...I've wanted that for as long as I can remember...

AM I making any sense? Can anyone relate to that?