F replied...LMAO...no way! he's still giggling...

Rin,

Feeling a little "run down in Plan B is normal. That's your way of telling yourself that you need to take a little "YOU time." For a long time, you have been learning, growing, documenting, DOING...and now it's time for a little break...time to rest. During rest, you do not return to the old Rin and start doing those old habits again--you just stop trying to move forward for a little while until you feel renewed. Do something just for you...like a bubble bath tonight...or that chick flick you've been wanting to watch <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Also, I'm gonna give you the mama hug ((((((((((Rin)))))))))) because I know what it's like to have the kids 100% of the time by yourself. Before my D, I was the one raising them most of the time, but it felt like on the occasion I had a little help from exH. Once he left for his wistress...NOTHING. I mean, he went a month at least without speaking to them on the phone even...and a couple months between actually visiting them!! Having children on your own can be DRAINING, and not because they are "bad" kids, but because they demand your attention and time and energy and there's so rarely any left for you!

So girly, have a tub. Paint your nails. Watch "Full Monty" (it will make you laugh and cry). And let your boys take mama to McD's tonight.

ATTENTION KILLER BEES!! THE MAMA BEE HAS DECLARED IT IS OFFICIALLY STRIVN NIGHT!!! We shall be celebrating by doing NUTTIN'!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />



--CJ

rin,

I think it is just a stinky day...I am all for the DO NUTTIN plan!

I have been in the I need a vacation mode for about a month now...but that is not in sight yet!

Many happy thoughts being sent your way...IHC

((((Rin)))

Still

Hi, All...well, my idea of doing Nuttin' was my Spon. ordering pizza and I went to a meeting...

I have had a heavy heart trying to figure out what happens when I "if I" move back into the house and dealing with these HNs...mainly HN1...I have a lot of resentment for her...


I had to think about accepting the sitch, what I can change, what I can't change, my resentment...I resent the fact that STBX treated her better than me...would ask STBX to do something for her and it would GET done...I asked and it wouldn't...

I looked at what it is about her that bother me...tried flipping it...seeing if the qualities that I didn't like about her were in me...

THing is STBX had motive for her and I not to get along...she's also a drama queen...already ruined one couples marriage...they got away from her and are now R, from what I hear...she was constantly put down by her mother, called everything under the sun, and her mother just recently passed...

Even though her and I were not on speaking terms, I attended the wake beliefly, just to let her know that I cared and I was sorry that this had happened to her...I have to say that regardless of all the abuse that her mother dished out ot her, she still cared for her mom, making sure that she had what she needed, whereas the other sisters and brothers did not...

I think there's a really caring heart in there...I wish that she could see that she is taking my place where STBX is concerned...As far as the other HN, I think her and STBX is one in the same and that's why they get along...

Since I can't do anything about any of these three people, HN1, HN2, or STBX...I have decided to pray for them...I have been praying that the good Lord would break STBX...but I think that I'm going to pray for all of them, pray that they are all broken and allow God into their hearts...

I had to repeat the Senerity prayer...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the thigns I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

well, i may not be able to do anything about them or the sicth but I can pray for them...

As far as my resentment, I think that it will work itself out...I don't resent STBX for all the [email]cr@p[/email] that he's done and doing, but I resent HN1 mainly...not so much HN2...

I'm still struggling with why I hold her in a different light...I can only think it's because she was treated better than I was...that she feels that I blame her for STBX's A...which is not true, but I understand that she's going to think what she wants regardless of what I say...

Let me make this clear...this is not important because I am looking for a relationship with her in the future...this is important because I need to rid myself of the resentment...

I resent her stepping into my life and "helping" STBX...I resent the two faced person that she is...I resent her for not seeing the truth or perhap not wanting to know the truth...

UM, I do resent STBX...I resent him for creating this whole sitch between her and I...he was the sh1t stirrer...Heck, I resent him for making bad choices, for treating us like [email]cr@p[/email], I resent him for not seeing what he's done to me, his family, his friends, his life...

But I do have hope that one day...even if it's 10, 20, 30 years from now, that he will see what he's done and try to make amends...right now, he's following in his father's footsteps...relationship wise with his sons...

I don't know how else to handle this except to pray for all of them...I figure in some way by praying for them then I will be working on my resentment, and allowing God to help me with it...

I'm open for ANY thoughts, comments, suggestions...this has been emotional weighting me down and it's time that I release it...

I have revisited this HN1 sitch several times and I hope that I can deal with this and be able to move on without it bothering me anymore...of course, this could be one of those things that I never understand and there is no answer and that's why it continues to not sit well with me...

Oh, my name was in the paper...Wow, I'm the plantiff...Cool! STBX's name showed up first...someone told me about it today, and I had to go dig back two Saturday papers ago...

IHC- Oh, I soooo feel you on that vacation thing...I've been feeling the SAME WAY...

Still- Thanks for the hug

CJ, my beautiful mama bee, thanks for always being there with such great wisdom...the knowledge to say the right thing at the right time...I hold you very dear to my heart...Oh, you do have my number huh? Did I ever give it to you? I don't remember!

Well, I'm going outside to think a little bit and then I'm check back here before going to bed...

I also decided that I'm going to re-read a book...for leisure...because I enjoyed it the first go around...this IS RARE for me...

"Hinds Feet on High Places"...A MUST READ FOR ANYONE HERE...

STBX TMed me this morning saying that he wouldn't be able to take the boys this weekend...

I said ok, and asked if he was working..

he replies he was working and had no one to watch them...

I said to let me know if something changed and maybe we could work out something like him having them two weekends in a row...

He replied, K, that will work, thanks...

I ended with your welcome, have a good day, bye!

So, there you have it! Another mark for Rin in court...taking the higher ground....not that hard because this is who I am! I'll just make note of it, in my records!

The boys will be disappointed, not so much F, but L...we'll see!

OK, Check This Out

STBX's Memorial Day Weekend Work Schedule

The inspectors have been talking about it all week.

Now, Coincidence.

Let him hang his self. Confirm wether or not he's at work this weekend. Send somebody looking for him. Call and ask for him.

DO SOMETHING TO CONFIRM HIS PRESENCE AT WORK

If he ain't there, the judge would LOVE to hear about it.

Good Luck

Well, called a friend...te yard is suppose to be off this weekend and Monday but I'll be getting a call back to confirm...

Would it be reacting if I TMed him and asked if he was going to the bike rally this weekend?

Rin,

I would say that with HN1 you should let it go.

I don't hold onto things very long. Either things will work or they won't with other people.

It is because I can only control me. I know I am a good person and maybe the other person is a good person we just don't mix well. It happens.

Your H has her believing he is a good guy. He would go help her and neglect his duties at home. You would get upset (rightfully so) at him. So of course she takes his side. Her helper and his naggy wife.

She of course was part of an overall problem.

The way I look at it is I just don't need them in my life. If my kids want to play with theirs fine but we don't need to be BFF's. Heck my kids play with other kids and I barely know the parents more then to check them out and introduce myself.

Treat her like that you will be fine.

Then resenting her you just need to let that go. It is not healthy for you. Just have indifference to her and her actions.

As far has STBX not having the kids. HMMMMM. Sounds fishy but heck it also shows he works weekends and can't get care for the kids. NOt a bad thing. LOL.

What about TMing and asking if he wants to settle out of court with custody?

See if he's going to this bike rally that's another money issue too!

Oh, you can't pay the bills but you can go to another state...

Rin,

Slow down and;

1. document your Text message conversation with him, find out if WH is really working or not this weekend. If he is then Frog is right, he couldn't even arrange child care on HIS weekend and was forced to lean on you. If he doesn't work than nail him on the fact that he gave up his weekend with the children to chase his affair partner or to do something else equally selfish.
2. Let your attorney recommend what to do about any settlement offer.

Take a deep breath and if he is truly wayward this weekend use it against him in court but don't send a premptive warning to him

Okay, I hear you...better to cover all my bases first..i talked to another source that said his dept. is working this weekend and possibly Monday!

I may just have to ride by his work this weekend...to see for myself...i'll decide later!

Thanks H&P! I appreciate it...I did document, that was the first thing I did this morning...

Rin

Keep in mind that you can always subpoena his work records to verify whether he was working or not this weekend or any other that he may have not taken the kids on his time to chase the ho

I need to remember that when i talk to A again...I forgot about it the last time I was in there...

Just finished TMing STBX back and forth...

basically he doesn't want the kids and he'll help me find a place...he wants the house and he said I know why...I do his mom and grandmother (who passed away) helped with the gift to get it, he asked me why I wanted it so bad...

I said that it wasn't about me it was about the kids, their schools, friends, church, that they want to be in the house...

Said I couldn't talk anymore and asked for him to think about them...

i was starting to get upset, so I ended the conversation...

As a father, that sort of immature selfishness makes me angry.

Thank you SB...I'm glad that it's not just me...I truely appreciate you speaking up!

Wow, Rin.

I think it's time for a call to the attorney and see if you can get a settlement proposal drawn up while STBX is in this mood.

If he's willing to give up the kids and help you find a place ... then maybe you can get your part of the equity in the house, plus your part of his 401K or other retirement, etc., and find yourself and the kids a nice, new place ... with no HN's to worry about. Would you be wiling to find something else if you could stay in the same school/church area? I doubt that your STBX is going to be able to keep the house for long once he has to start paying all the bills himself, plus child support (and maintenance, if you're asking for it).

I'd say that with STBX being in the agreeable mood he's in right now, this is the time to strike. Have your lawyer get a settlement proposal drawn up...

At the very least, he's already conceded the kids. I'd be forwarding that mesage to your lawyer as fast as you possibly can.

Good luck. Hang in there.

-AmI.

(((Rin)))

Not much advice. Do you already have enough to hang him for custody? If you don't need any more evidence, I think the plan B thing to do would be to not worry about where STBX is and what he's doing.

Easier said than done. . . .